I've always wondered what it would be like
To go to sleep without the heavy weight of unwritten words on my tongue

I've always been the girl to love
Someone whose heart beats counter-clockwise
Someone always living an hour behind or ahead
Never along for the ride
Just there to see it end.

She had never felt closer to numbness
Than when that razor was against her skin
She had never felt closer to happiness
Than when she was by his side
Once he took her razors away
She had to find something else to lean on
He whispered "pick me, I'll never let you fall"
She hesitated
But then she fell in love

Euphoria
Her definition was once "a state of intense happiness"
Now,
Her definition is "crying until God decides to numb your pain"

She never quite understood why someone would lie to the one they loved
And when he lied to her over and over again
She never trusted anyone's word
In telling her lie after lie
She was never satisfied until he cried for her
Because she convinced herself he lied until he cried.
That's when she found out that he cried because he knew he was lying
And he didn't want to
But he could never help himself
So he did it
Until it broke her heart in two

She never was the same
After they took her liquer away

I always let the alcohol settle in my liver,
Before I let my guard down.
That way if drunk me does something horrible,
I don't have to remember it in the morning.