Seated at my feet when I wake at 2a.m.
You faithfully keep watch over my soul.
Yet the unspoken words between us
Haunt my thoughts by day.  
There is so much I long to know.

I sense your ever-presence guarding
My every step, my thoughts, my heart.
Tortured by your silence, yet
Comforted by the knowledge that
I'm never alone.

Rolling boulders ripping through the sky.
Beneath, with bated breath I lie.
Mother nature's pregnant swell, showing.  
One final crack of the whip, glowing.
The quenching droplets rapidly flowing.  
Birth of new life long awaited.  
Earth's crippling thirst satiated.

Earth, holding its breath,
willing the droplets down
into its warm, waiting skin.

Amplified senses
drawing on the palpable air,
willing the heavens to quenching chaos.

Today I choose to cherish the warmth of the sun caressing my face . . .

Your touch went deeper than my skin.
You've penetrated my being.
I breathe you in.
You've seeped into my every cell.
I have your name tattooed on my heart.

Dreamers dream their dreams
in color, their dreams
backed by belief, by hope.

Their dreams shed every shade
of shadow, every evening
into eternity they elope.

Wrap your arms around my waist.
Pull me up close,  into you,
so close I can breathe you in,
lose myself in the scent of your skin.

Sway me softly, gently,.
Our bodies moving in rhythm
to the melody of life,  of love.
We're what dreams are made of.

I want to beat my fists against your chest
to make your heart feel
every aching beat my heart feels
when I see you with her.

I want to cut you down the middle
to make your body feel
every aching cut my body feels
when she calls you hers.

I want to shove your head underwater
to make your lungs feel
every aching gasp my lungs feel
when you kiss her lips.

I want to submerge you in a bath of ice
to make your soul feel
the aching chill my soul feels
at the sight of you holding her.

Most of all I want to let you go
to make my icy heart,
to make my aching soul
heal and become whole again.

These rolling tides
are going to drown me
in sorrow in pain
in love and lust

Rolling and tumbling
tugging me hugging me
memories made
this hurt, this trust

I roll to your side
turn my back on this longing
no longer a child
naive and lost

You're rolling away
turned your back on forever
rejection bashing
this shove, this ******

No longer rolling
this shell is empty
but whole and ready
blow off the dust

Roll into the sunset
these waves of emotion
will fill me with courage
it will, I must.

Baby, you are the melody
I wake up to, that I
hum to all day long.
You're the voice of inspiration
You're the lyrics to every song

Baby, you are the light
in my lingering darkness
when I'm wasted on the floor.
You're my saving grace, my angel
My motivation to want to be more

Baby, you're the sweet
scent of summer.
You're the heat on my skin
You're a cool, refreshing breeze
You're my absolute everyhing.

How do I reach out to you
when you are unreachable.
How do I tell you it
will all be alright.

How do I touch your soul
when you are untouchable.
How do I catch you
when you fall from flight.

How do I carry you when
this situation is so unbearable.
How do I make you look at me
so our love can reignite.

How do I apologise
for standing by your side.
How do I make you understand
that your touch, your love, is my light!

Take my hand,
Let me pick you up
From that cold sorrow.
Let me take you
Out into the light,
Show you the warmth in tomorrow.

You are never alone,
No matter how scared
Or alone you feel.
Somewhere, someone is
Crying out to your heart.
You just have to believe
This hope is real.

Change takes time
and ours wasn't "Goodbye",
it was "See you around."
Not a final parting, merely
a heartache dangling
from that thin thread
called friendship.

These broken hands
cupped around a
fragile light.
Keeping it safe
and protected from
this endless night.

Only in the depths
of their pain
and despair
does a sliver of light
escape through
the tear.

Frozen in time, our
"together" moments.
Hidden from view
by winter's cold shoulder.

A forever memory
on my lips, on my skin
makes me long for you, as
the days grow ever colder.

Anticipating the warmth
of your breath, of your touch.
Needing your comfort
as ice and frost grow bolder.

Your presence here amiss.
Winter's end, a promise of returning bliss.

Autumn a-dancing to
          the beat of falling leaves,
                   interrupted by Winter -
                             the air growing colder.

                                                      Au­tumn shook the trees in
                                                              ­ an attempt to keep Winter at bay
                                                             ­            but Winter just shrugged and
                                                             ­                        gave her the cold shoulder.

Why am I studying?
Why am I missing
so many precious hours
watching my children growing.
When obtaining a
degree won't get me
out of this **** hole
anyway?

Because burying me inside
the content of a book
takes my mind off my
unhappiness with what
I can't change about my life
The books never judge,
they don't give me lip.
They take me away.......

On page three, I realized why
this book had made itself
at home on my bookshelf.

Unread for such a long time.........
when this passage reminds me:

Forget about the past,
you cannot change it,
Stop worrying about the future,
it is not yet written.

Settle your thoughts in the present...... Live in the moment.

Months and months on end go by,
this endless thirst needs a release.
Swellling earth, throb, throb,
throbbing for that quenching wetness
withheld by teasing clouds.
Until at last with thunderous
intensity, moisture penetrates the
searing heat ........ the storm climaxes:
the desert sighs in satisfaction.

How much time is wasted,
in the pursuit of belonging,
on the feeling of longing to
find who we are inside.

Take the time to look back
on this road you're travelling.
Your life is yet unravelling.
You're creating your "self".

Feels like someone's knocked
the wind right out of me.
Have this hollow feeling inside.
My heart and soul ripped from my being.
This empty shell wants to hide.
The pain and disillusion
pounding through my spinning head.
The dreams and emotions gone,
the flame inside me, dead.

(Psalm 46:10)

The night passes into day
passes into night.
Plants grow wild, get
trimmed, fight back,
growing endlessly,
and I .....
I am still before You

Children grow into adults,
who have children who
grow up before the eyes
of their grandparents - in
the clutches of life and death.
and I .....
I am still before You

Compassion and love
turn into hate and anger,
turn into wars, pain and
tears, cry out for peace.
This endless cycle,
and yet I ......
I am still before You

Here enfolded in your Mercy,
safe and warm in endless Love.
Quenching my thirst, my
hunger, my longing, fed
by Your all-surrounding Grace,
here I am ......
I am still before You

You turn my night into day,
teach me never to stop growing,
from my childhood to my
passing,in times of war
and times of peace,
You are always here, and
I am still before You

("Be still and know, that I am God")

This was never a game
You were never played
It was not some grande facade
to keep me entertained

I was never as true to myself
as the times I spent with you
Yet you were never convinced
that my feelings for you were true

Now I'm done with this
My heart is not a dice
that by will or by a stroke of luck
may choose who's to stay and who to sacrifice

My bleeding heart torn apart
my weary soul gone cold
All that's left are two empty futures
left up to Someone to unfold

I am not the object of your affection,
when you show that affection only in
the presence of others. Or that affection
is never shown, but are merely empty
words spoken out of a societal-induced
sense of "obligation".

I am not your most prized centerpiece
that you can place in a room to invoke
the ooh's and aah's that make you the
envy of strangers. And
afterward, I'm placed in a corner till
the next time I'm required.

I am not your "main attraction"
put on display. I don't dance nor
entertain so you can bathe in the  
attention of the people who, once
this is all over, won't even
remember your name.

I am not an object!

Take me away.
Lead me to a little house
on a hill, picket fence
enclosing the fresh lush garden.
Lead me to the front door.
Let's make this our home.

We'll lie in the meadows
during Sunday afternoon picnics.
Children's laughter chiming,
while I'm wrapped in your kisses,
embraced in your warmth.
Let's make this our home.

When the rain storms down
on the roof ahead, and
our frustrated words like
lightning darts around the room.
Open your arms and forgive me.
Let's make this our home.

This is what I have
prayed for, for so long.
It's here ..............
But the fear
inside me weighs me
down like shackles
around my feet.
I'm afraid to take
the leap.

I'm slowly dying inside.
You've ripped your heart
from my being, and given
it to someone else.
Leaving me with this
big gaping emptiness,
So please .............

May I have my heart back?

I used to live every day,
breathing you in.
Now, I'm hoping that each
exhilation will somehow help
in letting you go..
But I'm aching and hurting
with futile longing,
and I know I'll never have
your heart again,
so please ...............

May I have my heart back?

Battered and bruised,
wearing the scars of
rejection...... I don't mind.
Before I die, please .......

May I have my heart back?

Whoever came up with the line:
"If you love someone, let them go"?
Why should we let go of those we love?

What happened to prince charming,
facing challenges and adversity?
Who is willing to fight for love ........... to fight for me?

Standing on the hilltop
the autumn wind rushing by
endlessly cutting through my
longing body.
Tearing you from me
chilling me to the bone.

I reach out my hands, but
how does one grab hold of
the wind, a fleeting memory.
Something that
was never yours to keep?
Leaving me here, alone.

Sadness throbbing,
clenching my heart.
Tugging.
Pulling.
Aching.
Hurting.

Tears start flowing.
Heartache worstening.
Struggling breathing.
Sobbing.
Aching.
Crying.

Whenever you walk out the
door, you leave behind
Loneliness. I've grown
accustomed to his company.
But this time he introduced
me to his friend.

Longing stirs within me
an aching I have
not experienced before.
Pulling me into daydreams
and fleeting sadness
and smiles - a mix of emotions
I cannot comprehend.

Not sure whether I'd like
to have him in my life
for the long run.
Would rather spend my
time being loved
by you ...............

Hello black hole
please don't swallow.
Not ready to
keep you company
again.

I can feel you pulling
and tugging, sinking
your claws into
my unwilling flesh.

Depression and sadness
your new acquaintances.
You know you're not
playing fair now.

I'm holding on, barely
moving. Where could
I go to escape you?
Leave my heart alone,
take the rest.

Catch me, I'm falling.
No ground for my feet.
This sinking feeling,
my pounding heartbeat.

Blinded and anxious.
Colors being swallowed.
Blackness takes over,
my soul, hollowed.

Sudden warmth, a kind
single teardrop trickling
down, gently caressing
my cheek, tickling.

Awaken to the relief of
having broken from this snare.
Allowing the sobs to pull
me from this nightmare.

Greeted by a fiery sunset sky,
mirrored on the blood red sea.
Your lips lit this fire inside.
This desire is burning,
becoming harder to hide.
Emotions pouring like red wine,
aglow in the moonlight.
This dangerous tango.
Consumed by our passion.
Don't ever let go.

Soothing smoothness of the lake's surface,
disturbed by one small touch,
sending ripples through the darkness.
Shimmering moonlight, hear my thoughts.

If one small touch of my fingertip
could disturb this vast expanse of water.
How much more a seemingly futile act
would impact on the life of another.

Pause .......... sit down ........... observe:
The rat race - cars and people zooming
past, hurry hurry. Time is ticking, time is
money, faster, harder, scurry, scurry.  

Breathe .......... smile ............ observe:
A futile existence - rushing up and down,
meet deadlines. Hours running on caffeine
toward success, make headlines!  

Lie down ........... eyes closed .......... think:
Who? How? Where? What? What Time? How many?
Three .... two? How to get there? What to take with?
Stop! ............... Who are you?

You brush past, I can feel your intense
sorrow, the hurt you bury deep inside.
You may have shut your heart from the
world, but you can't continue to hide.
I see you, I sense you, feel your desire
to break down and just be human again.
Yet you've convinced yourself that you're
better off shutting out the world till the end.
You may think you're unlovable, incapable
of ever feeling like you belong anywhere, alone. . .
I see you, I know you, more than you'll ever
understand, I am your longing soul.

You have lived with
this pain, for so long.
The regret, the shame has
kept you from standing strong.  

But it's time to start living,
you have so much to give.
Take my hand, I'll show you
what it means to live.  

And I don't mind,
no I don't mind,
if you need to  
Break down a little,
cry just a little,
Let it all out .......
Let it all out .......  

Let out all the grief
You have lived with this
pain, for so long.
The regret, the shame
has kept you from standing strong.  

But it's time to start living,
you have so much to give.
Take my hand, I'll show you
what it means to live.  

And I don't mind,
no I don't mind,
if you need to  
Break down a little,
cry just a little,
Let it all out .......
Let it all out .......  

Let out all the grief
so you can breathe,
just let it all out.

Let go of the heartache
so you can learn
to breathe again.  

Shout to the heavens
so you can start
to live again.  

Cause I don't mind
no I don't mind
if you need to .  

Break down a little,
cry just a little,
Let it all out .......
Let it all out .......    

In time you'll come to realise,
you're worth so much more.
You deserve better than you've
allowed yourself before.  
Just ............... let it all out.

My heart, a desolate desert,
starving for the taste of your lips.
Thirsting for the nourishment,
the quench your kisses bring.

You have to live your life with everything you are.
Because you cannot experience life with no emotions.
With all the friends in the the world, you can still be
hopelessly alone. How do they "analyse" other people
when they don't even know themselves? Would you
follow the advice of yet another lost soul?
You use your anti-depressants and "fix-me-up-ers" to
"feel good", to block out your senses, to numb
yourself, for what? To feel more human? You're
no human without your soul. You're merely killing
it. Would you all just stop what you are doing,
and realize your true potential!
Take off the blindfolds and see! Wake up, wake up
from the trance you're in! None of this matters!
We have been conditioned into a mediocre
existence, a materialistic life, a race.

You are so much more than this!

Feel the lush green grass
seperate your toes
cushioning your soles.
The scent of spring blossoming,
wafting around you
the sweet scent of
yellows, purples, oranges and pinks.
Invited by birdsong and butterflies,
get lost in paradise,
warm sun on your face
painting the dawn in hues
of blues and golds.

Tranquility and peace. The absolute essence of
nature captured through a lens. An extension of the
eye, the capture of a moment in time, lost
forever, yet not at all. You not only
catch that moment in an eternal image, but you
somehow capture the emotions, for whenever you
look at that picture, you will remember
exactly what you thought and felt at that
exact moment. It's as if you have etched
yourself in that moment. A true
photographer not only captures a picture
for the world to see, but through his
photographs stir up emotions within the
viewer, making it a timeless and cherished
gift. For a true artist captures not only
an image, but a fraction of history.

You enter the center of my emotions -
the control room of my being.
Deleting the negativity left behind by life,
inserting this contented feeling.

My days of pain and crying are numbered,
as your shifting fingers dart,
closing the spaces left behind by anger
on the keyboard of my heart.

From the prelude it had
my undivided attention.
Cup of coffee in hand
I commenced reading
the tale: "My Life"

The intriguing twists,
the plausable comebacks.
"I" seem to simply bounce back
no matter the size of the
curveball life has in store.

Filled with mystery, drama,
action, comedy and romance,
it's hard for any critic
to categorise, to pinpoint
a suitable genre.

I have barely just begun,
and am truly looking forward
to discovering the
adventures that are
yet to be documented.

And one day, this
manuscript will be published.
Unedited, of course, as
editing will cause it
to lose its impact.

The purpose of this life . . .

How did you manage to open up my closed-up heart? Did you not notice the big bold red "SOLD" sign bolstered to the door?

Or did you perhaps slip in through one of the windows?

And why did you simply ignore the contents thereof? Did fate lead you to the empty little room at the back? Away from the clutter and noise that my life has stored?

That is my favourite room, you know. My little "getaway". Little did I know that on that day "getting away" meant running straight into your arms.

I resisted at first, of course . . The familiarity of the room was replaced by your presence. . . by the unexpected familiarity of you . . .

And day by day I would return to that haven, and still, you were there, waiting.. until you became such a part of my daily routine that I stopped resisting and started looking forward to my stolen moments of "solitude".

I can hardly remember the days without you in it . . and that room would seem awfully empty and lonely without you.

Please stay!

"You are fine", said my angel,
brushing my hair back,
hugging me to his chest.
"You're amazing", he told
me, with awe in his eyes,
"More amazing than all the rest."

"I've missed you", laughs my
angel, caressing my hands,
bathing me in his light.
How I love you, my
angel, so far, at a
distance, I'll be
dreaming of you tonight.

Get out of my head
you silly spirit, taunting
and teasing away.  
My thoughts are my own,
don't you dare tell my tongue,
or you'll sure make me blush today.

Locking away the childish
memories, denying from the
inner child you've grown.
And for shying away from
the laughter of children,
you have lost your own.

Empty and dreary, your
days have grown lonely.
All that is left is dispair.
No child within to
sustain you, to feed you.
Just a dark, dank lair.

Secrets unfolding like a
blossoming rose in spring.
The fragility of it
catches your breath.
Too scared to touch
or bruise it,
the fear that you
might lose it,
Crushed
In the grip of death.