I wanted to write down
how I felt but the paper stayed

empty.

and it could not have described
how I was feeling any better.

You fill the dimmest parts
of my saddened soul with light.
You picked up my
torn and tattered heart
and loved it unconditionally.
You tell me I'm
beautiful, perfect, flawless.
All thoughts that have never
seized my mangled mind.
You're just who I needed
and
I'm just who you needed
when we both needed it
the most.

I'm happy
content.

I'm in love
finally.

I'm proud
Of myself.

I'm filled with
Sunshine and
Daisies.

april fools

I'm sad
depressed.

I'm out of love
still.

I'm unhappy
with myself.

       and
I'm empty with
darkness and
Filled with self loath.

Done,
     dead
And forgotten.
I'm brimming with
regrets
False hopes and
memories,
that I wish Good riddance
for they're making
me  sad
torn and
tattered

I'm torn
Between the opinions
From my heart and my mind
They can't seem to agree
My brain is to busy building
and maintaining it's walls
To take the time to see the man in front of me who is giving me all of
His heart an more.
My mind tells me to
admire him from behind
my walls
but to never let
him in because we both know what
chaos and destruction
will come from it.
My heart is submissive to my mind.
Because my heart lost a lover once,
told my mind to let him inside those walls.
Which led to heartbreak and sadness
A mistake? Or a lesson?
Whichever it may be my mind won't ever trust my heart again, and now all my future  maybe and almost
Lovers will suffer all because
My mind trusted my
heart.

You given me all of you
Laid it all out on the table
Told me all of your secrets
Shown me who you truly are
You are comfortable with yourself
I am not
I still can't seem
To let my walls down
Tell you my secrets
Show you who I truly am
Cause I truly don't even know
Even still
You tell me you love me
But I've realized now more than
Ever I don't deserve you
I can't tell you I love you because
I can't even tell myself the person I
Should be most comfortable with
I can not tell myself I love me
Because I honestly don't
So I can't honestly tell you
I love you
With out first  loving
Myself.

I don't care
About who you're new lover is
Or if she makes you happy
I don't care
If she is laying with you now
Or kissing those lips
I don't care
If you're playing with her hair
Or her heart  Like you did mine
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care

You love me.
Whats wrong with you?
You say it every time you hug me.
Why cant i say it ?
I'm afraid of it.
Why am afraid?
cause it could destroy me
if i were to obtain it.
Do I even contain it?
I don't believe I do
because if I were to
I'd love myself, and
you.
-*love

I hate it.
It scares me.
I hate what it does to me,
it holds me back from you.
It lurks inside of me,
and taunts me.
It lives in my soul
with out welcome.
I hate it.
I live with it everyday,
from when I wake up
until I go to sleep.
Its spread through my entire
being almost like a disease.
infecting everything including
my heart.
My heart hates it the most,
because it knows whats holding
me back from loving you.
                  -*Fear

I cant say it.
I am not brave enough yet.
To be brave is to do something your afraid to do.
I am afraid to say
I love you.
Only with the fear of loosing you.
Because I have been brave
before.
I have loved
before,
and I have lost
before.
I am not ready to be
brave just yet.