veins.

i’m made of scars and too much blood pouring out of me. I’m made of razor blades and roof tops and letters i wanted to leave behind but i couldn’t, i never could
2. face.

i’ve never been pretty. average at my very best. they all say looks don’t matter, but come on, no one can say i’m beautiful with a straight face and that’s not something i can change
3. miles.

i’m not close enough to touch and that kills us both. you need a warm body to hold and i don’t blame you I’m just too distant and i’ve got ice cold hands
4. medicine.

it’s a little too much and that’s okay. i’ve got more prescriptions than friends and the diseases in my head won’t stop killing me, they’re treatable not curable
5. habits.

i’m always ******* drunk and you don’t like that. i can’t handle anything except my pills and i like to test my limit, another cigarette, another drink and you’re fading away
6. past.

my life before we met was never calm. i have memories i can’t place with hands i don’t remember, turbulence is all i know and that made you feel too unstable, i understand
7. bones.

i wasn’t born in the right body. i’m scared to show who i am to anyone but you, and maybe that brought us closer but it’s tearing me apart inside and you had to see that
8. ichor.

we think we’re celestial, like stars on earth. i’m an angel who’s here on mistake and you fell too soon, but divinity burns and we don’t know where we’re going
9. gone.
i’m ruined. i’m ugly. i’m distant. i’m sick. i’m addicted. i’m traumatized. i’m wrong. i’m lost.

i’m sorry

i’m faster than the wind when the meds don’t work
and that’s when you say you love me with soft words like honey
you like the neon lights in my eyes and i love your tear-stained eyeliner
you said you were intoxicated by my danger, you said we were invincible
i’m bright eyes and bad ideas, I’m toxic waste with a lipstick smile
i’m a bottle of *****, ****** knuckles, bare feet in the snow
there’s no sleep, just a restless head and electric eyes
it’s not poetic when it’s your life
and it’s time you saw that

I’m down again soon and it’s sad, i guess
im the boy with scars on his hips and a past he’s hidden
I’m the boy with shaking hands and blood smeared on his mouth
you don’t see the light anymore, you said the flames went out
the pills i swallow are too much for you, just like i am
i’ve never been invincible, just untouchable
there’s nothing beautiful about it
you should run, baby
they always do

i think our love was ill-fated
you’ve got his hands in yours and you don’t miss mine
you said soulmates never died and our love couldn’t expire
the signs were clear, but we never read the warning labels
maybe it’s how i flinched at your touch and my inability to trust
or how you never heard me when i spoke
i’m a live wire and you’re a swimming pool.
i should have seen this coming
this is how it always ends

the pills are useless
you just can't cure a kid that's already dead
my mind's gone
replaced my tablets of therapeutic poison
i'd give up
if it weren't for the people i'd leave behind

when i first saw you, you were in that old car
you grinned up at me from the passengers seat
your eyes glimmered and that smile stayed with me
i knew i'd see you again
it seems so far away now, but it's only been 21 days
yesterday you bought me a coffee and held my hand
you gave me your sweatshirt and kissed me goodbye
i noticed how you smelled like smoke and fire
i always fall for the ones with the addictions
you'd never do it in front of me, my lungs are too fragile
you've always been worried about my asthma
but i know a cigarette eventually finds its way to your lips
late at night when you're alone and the memories come back
i tell you to sleep, to breathe, to drink more water
you always shush me
"don't worry, love
i'm gonna last forever"

i brought him roses today
i didn't want to,
but he's still everything to me
i brought him roses today
i apologized to him,
pretending it was all my fault
i brought him roses today
roses made of tears and unconditional love
i gave him a bouquet of words
i brought him roses today
and i am never doing it again

258.4 leaves a bad taste in my mouth
- 258.4 is broken promises and lonely nights
- 258.4 is the distance between us
it's a blessing
it's a curse
- 258.4 is two kids crying their ******* eyes out
- 258.4 is complete and utter solitude
it's feeling like you're not enough
it's feeling worthless
- 258.4 is seeing you two together
- 258.4 is wondering why you don't reply anymore
if i should have kept my mouth shut
if i should have kept quiet
- 258.4 is love and it's pain
it's burning hot and searing cold
it's hating everything i've ever been
- 258.4 is all it took to break us

his head is spinning
maybe it was too much
finally
the cough syrup and the pills hit and he starts to forget
it’s for the best, perhaps
too smart for his own good
yeah, maybe the cuts don’t bleed anymore
but god knows the scars burn his skin
it’d be funny if it wasn’t so **** sad
he tries to save everyone
he can’t even save himself