I don't know how I got here,
But suddenly I am here.
I don't know where these thoughts came from,
But suddenly they're here too.
I don't know where I left myself,
But suddenly I'm nowhere in sight.
I don't know how to get it all back to how it used to be,
But I'm scared I'll have to accept that this is my life now.
Maybe what I remember of myself is gone,
And maybe,
I'm not coming back.

Inject me,
Pierce the skin
And it let it merge
With blood cells and
Bacardi,
Press your lips against mine
And slip the pill onto my tongue,
Don't pull away until each grain
dissolves
Stacks of cash
From selling love in bottles,
Capsules,
IV drips,
Losing our minds as we
Become entangled in unconsciousness.

But when I wake up you're gone.
Sweaty palms,
Goosebumps,
The fear of relinquishing control,
Or even losing my mind?
We become addicted to the visions
In our head,
The dreams we steal from dark corners
Of the brain
When we are intoxicated,
Yet with each passing of time
We rely on what numbs the pain
Of what we lost.

It is the morning drag
Another day alive
"I wish i was dead."

Puffing on a cigarette
staring blankly at the wisps of smoke
I wonder, "Where did I go wrong?"

Everything seemed perfect
Wrapped in his arms
Running around in our underwear

I would hold him against my skin
Never wanting to let go
Only wanting to feel his 5 o'clock shadow.

Days of laughter
Becomes weeks
Fights never lasted more than a day.

Everything seemed perfect
like a dream I've always wanted
My romantic comedy was real.  

Then the rose colored glasses broke.
I saw the black and white
You saw everything wrong with us.

I took the heart emoji off his contact name
Packed memories in boxes
He took the final decision: "It's over."

Everything seemed so perfect
Until reality decided to play
And all the perfect moments forgotten.

the worst part
of it all
is that
you're already gone

and I won't accept it

ever

You wake up in the morning
With dust on your pillow
From the nothing that goes through your head
Trying not to remember
The hurricane
That ravaged your mind
And the reason
We don't speak anymore

weeks ago i was beautiful because you owned me.

tonight i am beautiful because you don't know what you're missing.

tonight i will kiss someone
and you will no longer be the only one who has tasted the liqueur of my lips
or perceived the garden that sleeps around my neck like a jewel.

tonight, another man will sample the variety of decedent wonders
that you took from me
forcefully
crushing
the crystals
and ripping
the satin

tonight
someone more gentle than you
will receive
the glory that i have to bestow
the power and pulsating, vibrating music in my walk
in the sway of my full hips

tonight
you
don't
know
what you're missing.

we twist, moths, to the light
in one another's eyes. this slow
dance, through loneliness. nothing
looks like all verdant expanses- thickets
of wind, icesheets. spread heart to
fragments; points of light above
borealis, your spinning skirt. daybreak.

eight-eight hundred is a ****** of
a number, though. all volume does
dissect, though: given time, pace.
sheets smooth.
tunnels of sharp rock, most days.

and here we step, tiny specks,
blinks apart, in coat of grand
nameless machinery. words
leak, as the length of
mid-afternoon; i can
barely breathe, sometimes,
stuck in these swales of
blush& noise. it is
wonderful, sometimes,
this slow twist under
city lights.

we dance, moths, around
this sharp-tongued
flame of worldly woe,
of each other's lips.

My friend is gone
We’ve gone our ways
So here’s a toast
For better days

I see your face
From time to time
Your heart beats loud
Along with mine

But I walk alone
Because life moves fast
Each day is gold
It won’t last

Enjoy the place
And people too
In the end
They’ll get you through

In this life
Or in the next
God, I know
Will give us rest

When I’m gone, please
Speak well of me