As I recall I was five the first time I met the monster in disguise
He threw my brother's plate to the ground
He told him to eat off the floor like the dog that he was
Then kicked him while he was down
He laughed and he laughed at the spectacle taking place
And I cried and I cried for my brother’s sake
The very next morning I stared up at him from his lap
I was trying to see if it was the man or a mask
A few months later I had my answer as the man was hitting home runs
On my brother’s flesh and bones
He smiled like a jester as my brother was ******* his pants
We rode in silence to Sunday school
And I saw it happen clear as day when the monster slipped on the mask of my father
The one I knew and loved
A couple years later and a thousand more tears
My mother wept as she answered the call
The monster had drawn the last straw
As he took my brothers innocence during the night in that hotel room
Then they came like angels and whisked us away
The men dressed in suites with badges of authority
We were safe for the first time
As I look back I still miss the mask but not the man
I decided to write this poem after some deliberation and thoughts about my childhood and I hoped that if anyone is in this situation that they will understand that sometimes its okay to love someone that has hurt you as often the person is not evil all the way through but ultimately its better if they are not in your life. This was the case with my father and I still love him but I recognize that the mask that I loved was more of my own imagination instead of the actual man that he was.