too much feeling
too much hiding
way too many fake smiles
invisible to the naked eye.
go ahead and shatter my skull
break my bones
i'll lend you the hammer.
because, darling
this is nothing compared to the hurricane of contradictions in my head.
i have a war zone that's burning itself alive.
so break me down
with your words and sharp tongue
maybe i'll build myself back up
if i'm feeling bored.
because no matter if i'm still broken
or i'm restoring my fractured pieces
the outside,
will always remain the same.
unpierced
and untouched
still smiling through the pain.

- a.g.

i know we haven’t talked
i know it’s been a while
i know that it’s kinda my fault
but i still miss you
i miss your fast talking and crazy stories
i miss your dyed hair and red arms
i really, really miss you
i miss our hangouts before class
i miss our planned birthday parties
i miss our ranting about how mean our friends were
i really, really, really miss you
i miss your old car with the cupcake sticker
i miss your loft bed and starbursts from math class
but most of all
i miss us

- a.g.

Each time you read this,
I only hope that you remember:
You are loved.

thank you to the ones who have been there for me
at my darkest times
when I had no one else

thank you to the ones who were kind enough to let me in
and let me help you

thank you to the ones who brought a smile to my lonely days
the ones who always knew what to say

thank you to the ones who weren't fake
to the people who actually loved me
to the people who actually cared

thank you to the ones who left
I realize I never needed you to survive
and you were just a chapter of my life

and finally, thank you to me
for not giving up
for believing in yourself
thank you...

i don’t love everyone i meet
but i do love all the food i eat

- a.g.

she had always said
her favorite color was yellow
for the girl with buttery skin and crystal eyes
it seemed rather fitting
yellow was the color of sunshine
and the color of her hair
after it had been bleached by summer
it was the color of the bumblebees
that drank from her favorite flowers
flowers that now
line her grave

she told you
her favorite color was yellow
because she knew you needed someone
radiant with light
to ease the depth
of your own darkness
so she said
when autumn arrived
you could watch the ground
become littered with yellow leaves
together

when you asked what color
lie beneath her skin
she told you it was yellow
she made herself believe
her body was freckled from stardust
and not from the amber glow
of cigarette burns
she still said
her favorite color was yellow
so she could continue being the light
in your colorless world

soon enough
your favorite color was yellow too
but not for the same reasons
she fell in love with it
you only saw yellow vaguely
in the form of teeth
stained from tobacco and too much coffee
smiling grimly through cracked lips
dripping poisoned honey
you guilded the word ¨love¨
with muted ochre lies

and now
she no longer feels the warmth
that once emanated
from her favorite color
she no longer tastes
the sweetness of butterscotch
and papaya on your lips
for you left her with nothing but
the sour residue of lemons and bile
as your gentle breath
extinguished her golden flames
and reduced her heart to ash

and now
she realizes that bumblebees
can also administer a piercing sting
and as she watches the sunset
with its amber hues
she no longer sees
the color yellow


x.