I still support you
Through your ****** fluidity
Through your gender fluidity
Through your wavering confidence
Through the harsh, silencing glances
Through the whispers and rumors

I still love you
And I won’t ever stop
Not to appease our doubtful peers
Or unsupportive family

Please don’t forget me
Please don’t forget the tender embraces we’ve shared
Or the forbidden kisses we hastily exchanged
Under the cover of night

I love you
Don’t forget to love yourself

one, two, three
one, two, three
one, two, three
i count the seconds that pass by me
floating away
into the unknown
there is a scene laid out in front me
with the actors and actresses taking their places
i am simply a side character
watching the plot unfold
some friends besides me
a couple of laughs drift away in the distance
they escape my grasp
i can’t seem to touch anything

everything is too perfect, too good, too scripted
everything is right in front of me
life is awaiting ahead
not even an inch away
yet it’s not real
i’m not real
i can’t feel real.

- a.g.

you'll always be the one.
although we never touched hands or met eyes,
i can still feel you even though you're not here anymore.
you're my stars,
my moon.
the reason why the earth spins.
but i still feel empty sometimes.
i can't feel you sometimes.
proving to the sky that this is for you gets tiring sometimes but that will never stop me.
you're my best friend.
there's letters in my closet written to your name.
notebooks filled with bundles of words that have captured your existence,
as if it could.
sketches and paintings hung up that are you,
they're trees in the morning,
the sky hugging the world,
flowers in hands,
they're all you.
you'll always be the one.
and until we meet again friend,
i love you.

If you are a suicide survivor
Inbox me your name
And I’ll add it to my tattoos of others

You guys mean the world to me
And I have my own name on my arm
Because I too, am a suicide survivor.

Santa Fe, Texas
May 18, 2018

welcome to America.
where there had been 11 school shootings before
the end of january of 2018.
welcome to America
where the mentality of the attacker
is the problem,
and not the system.
welcome to America
where a 17 year old Pakistani girl was killed in her school
among 9 other beautiful souls.
welcome to America, Sabika
which was greeted to you nearly six months ago
where you arrived in the "land of hopes and dreams"
to learn and grow and achieve.
welcome to America
the country that showed promise from the looming Taliban threats in Karachi, your hometown.
welcome to America
the country that you were going to help save Pakistan
by building stronger US - Pakistan relationships
and showing women empowerment by being
(possibly) the second female prime minister of Pakistan.
never again would you watch fireworks explode in the sky on August 14
never again would you count up your money on Eid
never again would you eat your mom's biryani on a hot summer day.
welcome to America, Sabika Sheikh
your hopes and dreams were alive and floating
in the land you gave your heart to
and the land that would take it away.

- a.g.

So here you are again
at the footsteps of the walls
I’ve rebuilt over
and over again
asking me to let you in.

I know
this is not the first time
that you’ve returned from your
wars with the world.
You are wounded and weary
Your eyes look so dead
I can see the graveyard behind them

You've lost so much, my love.
including yourself.

and you know,
if you would just let me
I would tuck all those bombs away,
Throw them to the skies
and let them light up our lives
instead of them
burning and bruising our bodies

but you won't give up arms

yes, you're reaching out
but you won't let me hold your hand

So we both know
this wouldn’t end well
my bones are still shaking
from all the trauma you’ve caused

my love, please understand
my heart is not a church.
You cannot just return when you feel like it
and pray for me to forgive your sins.
I am not a god.
I am only human.
And there is a limit to how much hurt I can take.

Do you think your “sorry’s” are enough
to sew these spaces you’ve sown in my soul?
Don't you know how hard it is to keep living
when all you've been doing
is leaving me behind?

I still love you.
I think I always will.
But please don’t think
I can keep on breaking myself
just to keep you whole.