It still hurts
when I see you.
It's this feeling in the pit of my stomach
A feeling I can’t quite place

The familiarity
Hurts.

Seeing you see me
Hurts.

I think I still have this
Expectation
That you’ll come over to me
When we cross paths
But you don’t
Why would you?
There’s no words left for us to speak.

I guess it hurts because
You’re the one that broke me
Yet I still think you’re the only one
Who can put me back
Together.

So I watched the girl I loved cry over a girl who wasn't me
Wondering how someone so beautiful
Could be so
Broken.
But I still held her her in my arms
As she wept
Running my fingers through her hair
And down her back
Trying to piece back together what I could of her
While slowing breaking off
pieces of me

You put your fingers in the back of your throat
In hopes you can gain what you have already lost
control
But you are lying to yourself
Because you never really had it

When I met her
She set fire to my cold
December soul
She made me

Feel

Something

I never
Have before.

I fell in love with
Her.
But
She fell in love with the
Idea
of me.

So here I am listening
To the song
That played
that day
I knew I loved her.
We were lost,
Yet I felt found.
I was home
She was my
Home.

It's 2am and i'm  
Walking around this campus
lighting a cigarette
Reminiscing on that day we took the wrong train
To Central Park
And how I kissed you in the station
without a care of who was watching
for in that moment it was just
you and I
Perfect.

I can't help but
Keep you
Alive,
Every kiss
Every touch
Every moment.

And I know you never really loved me
But I know I’m going to search for you in
Everyone I meet.

She bought her tiger lilies rather than roses
She wrote her poetry instead of letters.
She left kisses where she hid her past.
She saw her for her soul not her body.

I always knew  
I was one
To have these tendencies

To want
To crave
To need

But I never expected this dependence
To be a person
And I never thought it would be
You.

It's been a year
Since you broke me
The first time.
Yet, your expresso eyes
Are still the only ones I
Want
To see past the fog of
mine.

I wish I could hate you
Oh how simple that would be
But I can't
When the only thing you didn't do
Right
Was love me the way
I love you.