I scream UGH

What seems to be the matter? Someone asks me.

I turn. Nothing is right! I point to the tables, the chairs, the candles.

But they're just how you ordered them.. The person stammerers.

They're out of order! I scream. The person stares at me.


So am I crazy? Or were they out of order?

your touch
makes sparks
f
         l
                         y
and throws away my conclusion.
i can't help loving you
because you are blood.
i can't help hating you
because of your actions.

your embrace
makes me want to
d
             r
      e
                           a
                                                 m
and dance
then roll around in
          l
                 o
                         p
                e
         s

but i can't,
now can i.
your **** love
is making me pay
and forcing me to break
the remaining shatters of my life.





. . .




i know i said i'm not thinking about it.
but how can i not?
it's so appealing.
everything gone in an instant.
so easy.
so simple.
the glass that sticks into my palms disappears,
along with the bruises.
the cuts.
the scars.
i just wish that

**someone would listen.

i listen to your
loud music leaning over
the steaming stove

i'll cook you a meal
not wait for a thanks because
you never give one.

little things go by
and if i mess up you will
scream and shout. i'm numb.

{-[<>]-}
if you put a bucket over my fire.
the bucket will burn.
{-[<>]-}

in the decision
of life or death
i don't know what to pick
so how about this
**** the person who asked

did i guess
where the hell i can find a **** good soul
or something among the lines of that
or did god magically send one to me
or was it a blessing in disguise
i guess that it could be either
so go away and call me a ****** loser
or a dud or a drag because, yes.
i believe in blessings.

:{+}:
I'm sitting patiently.
I'm waiting for the changes.
The new features to fade into black.
The new screen to disappear.
Maybe I'll head off.
Maybe I'll set off into the world of unknown.
Possibly.
Or I can wait.
Or I can stay.
Or. Or. Or.
Or. I can start something new.
Or. I can find something precious.
Or. I can hide behind the blankness of it.
Or. I can break through it.
Or. I can sit off for a while and wait.

I guess that's something to decide.
:{+}:

Rolling hills sigh.
No, I will not stay for them, I tell myself.
Yet I leave the container that grapples me.
I climb their sorrows. I climb their suffering.
No, I will not stay for them, I cry as I I cling to them.
Animals chitter with laughter as they scuttle by.
Who told you to grow into the trees that grip your ground?
Who told you that people were allowed to make you slowly destroy yourself?
Why did you let people build on you so they slowly demolished you?
*Why?