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 Jan 2015 RA
anonymous999
i finally learned to love myself, but everyone else forgot
 Jan 2015 RA
Jo Hummel
Call to Arms
 Jan 2015 RA
Jo Hummel
Thought maybe I've been running from the water this whole time
but it seems so friendly after last night.
Nothing else comes close to losing you
and that in itself is terrifying.
I'm beginning to wonder if wanting to hold you close at night
really is such a selfless act?
I want to keep you safe so bad. Oh my God. I can't do that.
 Jan 2015 RA
Mikaila
There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.
Something comforting.
It is a comfort only very damaged people understand- the tacit agreement to cause pain, and to receive it.
Pleasure is for people who have what they want.
But for those of us who are starving, ours is best peppered with suffering.
Being with someone who understands that carries its own worth-
I don't want you to make me feel good.
I couldn't stand it if you did.
I don't want you to touch me gently, or ask if I'm alright, or stop to look into my eyes.
I am starving, and so are you: I want your teeth.
I want you to make me hurt. And I want to hurt you.
I want you to hurt me because I'm not him, and I want to hurt you because you're not her.
We want to see each other suffer because we are starving and we need to feel that someone else is.
Don't hold back. I want you to lower me because I'm too good for her.
Don't love me, don't caress me. Dig your nails in. Drip candlewax on my stomach.
One step down from torture is all I can stand in the way of human connection, when it isn't her.
Punish me for looking at her like a baleful puppy tonight, even as you waited in my room with your soft skin and your sharp teeth.
There is nothing you can do that will be too violent, too brutal, too sadistic.
I don't want to be loved right now.
I am too raw.
I want to be touched. I want to be ruined. Leave marks. Smear lipstick.
Lower me because I am
Too
****
Good for her.
Let this heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs don't matter.
Help me **** it. Help me pin my demons to the bed and make them writhe, and I will do the same for you.
Let's exorcise our loves tonight and banish them to hell.
Let's tell our skin that it is irrelevant.
Let's say "*******" to the things that bind us. I will cut your heart out for him.
I will kiss your scars, not to heal them but to remind you that when you put them there you fought for something, something we both fight for now.
Hurt me. Fight her. Do it for her.
Do it for her because I'm not good enough to hurt.
Do it for her because I'm TOO good to hurt.
Crush me.
You could boil me alive and it wouldn't make up for her, so at least leave me bruised.  
I will give you what you need, and you will give me what I need: not love, but contact.
Please,
Let my heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs
Don't
Matter.

There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.
 Jan 2015 RA
Joshua Haines
Halomaker
 Jan 2015 RA
Joshua Haines
When the girl, I loved, died,
I locked myself in her room
while her parents were in Arizona.

I went through her things
and found
**** photos;
A few where she seemed
ashamed
and a few where she
liked her body.
She had a gummy smile
and in others
she looked down at her *******
while having a blank expression.

I found empty
alcohol bottles.
Cheap bottles of wine
and a bottle of red,
stuffed with tissue paper.

Under her dresser
I found an unopened
letter she intended to
give the boyfriend before me,
where she admitted
to being ***** as a teenager
and how she hoped
it wasn't too much
baggage.

I threw out the photos
and
alcohol bottles,
but not the letter.

I don't know why but I kept it.
I occasionally read it,
because it's her,
and I love her.

I told my friend
and he called me a
Halomaker,
because I made sure
she was remembered
as an angel.
 Jan 2015 RA
Mikaila
Untitled
 Jan 2015 RA
Mikaila
Unless you're very lucky, one day you will look into the eyes of someone you love and know with all your heart, and find absolutely nothing familiar there. And you will never find any of it again. As if they've just gone. And there must be reasons, but you will never know them. You will only endure their consequences.
 Jan 2015 RA
Joshua Haines
Faces
 Jan 2015 RA
Joshua Haines
She looked at me and said,
"You should **** me
before you love me."
And so I did.

Her hands covered her *******
and she said,
"I want you to guess which breast
my father touched first."
And so I did.

The bones in her hands shifted
as she fixed her hair into a ponytail.
"You're going to promise me that
you're not going to try to fix me.
You're going to promise me, okay?"
And so I did.

Her lips would start bleeding
because when she lied
she chewed her lips.
She said, "I think today
will be the last day I live."
And I asked her for one more.

Dry blood sat on her inner lips
as she kissed me good morning.
Her voice softly cooed,
"I hope that isn't the last time
I kiss you."
And I asked her for one more.

She bled,
"All you write about are girls.
You never write about me.
All you write about are faces
without souls. What about my soul?
Are you going to
******* write about my soul?
Are you going to write another poem?"
And I asked her for one more.

Looking at me,
she ran her fingers
down her hips,
across scars,
and said,
"Too many men look at me
and see what they want to.
They look at me and see
broken picture frames
that they can repair
and put our faces into."

Our hands met
and our fingers grasped
at the pieces of ourselves
that were deeper than faces.
But it was only me
as she whispered,
"Stop,"
licked my cheek
to my ear,
finishing,
"Don't fall in love
with what you
think you see.
Just **** me."

And so I did.
And so I asked her for one more.
 Jan 2015 RA
anonymous999
some days i was proud of myself for not swallowing a bottle of pills; some days i refused to be proud of my six A's and one B. you try and try and try to love yourself but some days all you can give yourself is existence.

some days i had to force myself to eat because my stomach was too full of anxiety to have any room for a slice of bread. some days all you can give yourself is breakfast.

some days all you can give yourself is food and water and air and that is okay. but you are not allowed to deprive yourself of your existence. you are not allowed to deprive the world of your beauty.

some days it was really ******* hard but every night i tried to tuck myself in, every morning i tried to do something positive, and every day i tried so ******* hard not to asphyxiate myself with the trash bag that i keep under my bed because my grandmother doesn't deserve for her only granddaughter to die at the age of 17.

and here i am. i'm okay. i'm telling myself that i'm okay. right now i'm in a dark valley and i can't see the sun over the horizon but i still know that the sun eventually will rise. there are brighter days ahead of me, and there are brighter days ahead of you.
the only way to feel the warmth on your skin is to wait for the sun to rise.
wait for the sun to rise.
you have to keep trying
 Jan 2015 RA
Pea
When I Talk God
 Jan 2015 RA
Pea
When I talk God I mean:
You
 Jan 2015 RA
ryn
Leaf
 Jan 2015 RA
ryn
•    
i've
   witness-
   ed the others
   fall over several
sets•leaving you alone
shivering on a spindly twig
•the winds of autumn had whis-
pered their threats...•to sweep you
off your perch into the world so big
•the season had almost gone to make
way for another•answering the sum-
mons of winter's call•had anticipated
the coming of your departure•...i had  
sworn to myself to catch you as you'd  
fall•for a brief moment, i had turned  
away•to tend to commitments that  
came with dawn...•i returned to  
stay and wait another day...•  
but the wind had come  
while i was
g
o
n  
e•
    
.
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