You love like my cell phone camera trying to focus. I want it to focus on a certain apple in the tree but the camera always wants to focus on the Apple next to it. Annoying, it is. I’m not sad that my camera is focusing on the Apple next to the other Apple because this Apple is actually in better shape than the others. This Apple is perfectly colored red with a small, pale yellow patch on the side.

I hate when people ask what's wrong
As my eyes fill up at a sad sad song
Or a movie or a book
They'll take one look
And question my emotional response

But happiness isn't something
We all get for free
Especially girls with broken hearts
Who write bad poetry

and i wonder,
do you ever think of her
and what you could have been.
futures that were planned
but never successfully played out?

do you ever hear a song
that instantly takes you to a place
belonging to you and her
and nobody else?

do you ever compare me
and think of all the ways i fail
where she would have succeeded?

its okay,
if you do,
i would understand.

because memories have a way
of sticking around,
especially the good ones,
especially if you don't want them to.

i used to be
afraid of death
isn't that funny
because now
i like killing myself
i like the feeling of
being torn apart by
other people's opinions
i beg them to tell the truth
even when i know
it's not what i want to hear
tell me
tell me you liked my hair longer
before i cut it short
tell me
tell me i'm too skinny
that i should put on some weight
tell me
tell me you're shocked
tell me i should know these basic things
i want the truth
not a sugar coating
and i don't exactly want it to hurt
but i'm starting to think
it is better than nothing

there is a sacred place
that lives in every single
one of us.

i suspect it to be
the very place
Beethoven's music
came from.

and when we have
a late night conversation
in your bathtub
over a bottle of wine
you take me there.


-- Eleanor