i have made myself
a slave
to my own deranged mind

i have prepared
my own funeral
the corpse is mine

i tried
many times
to save you
to the point
i couldnt save myself

the spirit
is only dead
i am too late

love was
my drug
ending my
nightmare so effortlessly

my breath
is now rejuvenated
in my process
of constant healing

i have been broken
many times
at the seams

to the point
healing is
unattainable


but the partition is
once again drawn
and a new era
has only begun

(b.d.s.)

After months of playing tug-of-war
I lost you

You told me your heart was never in it
But your words cannot be true

You continue to love me
But you are not in love with me completely

I asked you to kiss me one last time
I tasted your familiarity

Then we walked to my car
Keeping our fingers unlaced was heart aching

Perhaps separation will mend the broken parts
And we will grow while being apart

And maybe we will pick up right where we left off
But for now, you are lost

I took the pictures off the walls
Our memories are in a box

Your shirts and letters sit
And there the dust will settle

I do this before the trip to see you
Knowing our conversation will not end well

I’m caught in the middle of a storm
But tonight, perhaps the stars will show themselves once more

The end of us has been nothing but silence and screaming
Maybe I’m ready for you to leave

If this past year has been a story,
Then we are at the ******

And I am on the edge of my seat
Just waiting to see how this all plays out

We left our love in the sand
It’s lost somewhere out at sea
Or under sandcastles, miles deep

Both our hearts remain by the lake
I journeyed back home
Then you ran away

My dignity is locked up in a cage
My body scraped clean
Your family mounts the keys in a frame

Tender touches are adrift in your sheets
Lost in a maze
Previously wrapping itself around tangled feet

Broken pieces of myself cower around your house
Fragments of us are tucked in the corners
Is it too late to hear me out?

Come a little closer and you will soon see
Run your fingers along the cracked parts of me

The cracks etch my thighs, hips, and *******
Each crevice: white, purple, and ruby red

What once was flat and smooth has changed
Bulges and ripples: new landscape

Voices continue to point my flaws out to me
The mirror screams failure; I choose recovery

Previously, these porcelain walls were kept neat
Prim and polished on the inside – pink squeaky clean

Now, this doll is filled with laughter and cheesecake
But the cracks in my mask are all on display

He tells me he loves every part of me
And stretched skin is a part of my story

But I cannot tell if I’m breaking my “perfect” shell
Or if I want to go back to my personal hell

Kiss me where it hurts,
taste the indefinite, there
is something beautiful
in the moments that will
fade without warning.

I've been missing the part
of you that craves only me,
I'm a finely wrapped gift on
your door  — unravel me,
unravel me, I'll buy you more.

You desire the mystery,
feeding the elusive hand
that beckons you — there
are layers to my story but
you only skim the surface.

My ego is a divine thing,
you dress it well, embellish
it with swift strokes, and
pause with fascination.

There are a million ways
to tell me I look good in red
— but I like your way best.

For most, tomorrow is a plain ol’ Wednesday

People will wake next to lovers, strangers, and empty sheets
Rising from their slumber, millions of cups of coffee will be brewing
Telephones will ring in offices and on busy city streets
Children will bask in the tender summer breeze

We will wake in separate beds, in different cities
Tomorrow, you will choose between our relationship and what’s easy
You will both mend my mistrust and hurt completely
Or, you will leave

For most, tomorrow is a plain ol’ Wednesday