We all have energy
radiating from our cores.
Sometimes
we meet others
who's energy
is similar to ours.
They talk,
and we talk
and our energies combine.
Lucky us when it happens,
it's seldom in a lifetime.
When you're talking to someone
and they just GET you
it's like you don't have to even explain
all the **** you've been through.

The Bougainvillea cares not for the needs of its guests.
It throws its pink shade regardless,
over rock and sand and weary travellers.

When I am dead and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain-drenched hair,
Though you shall lean above me broken-hearted,
I shall not care.

I shall have peace, as leafy trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough;
And I shall be more silent and cold-hearted
Than you are now.

i am broken and i want to be whole
death is stained on my fingertips
he loves the taste of my tears
so i wash my face too often

why am i so broken
there is no meaning in the cracks of my soul
i fill my life with comfort and
still death is always behind me

my throat is so swollen
from pollen and panic attacks
that ravage my body and
rip out the seams in my story

i've lost myself and
though i spent months seeking myself
all i see in the mirror is unspent
potential for depression to run me aground again

there is no wayfinder in my heart
like yours, with your goals
as a GPS and your achievements
like landmarks in your mother's hallway

i write beginnings
of sentences that now are
litter on the floor of my mind
because no words encompass my fear

and now endings are all i can think of
but i don't want to be another
face on the obituary, lost
amid painful goodbye's and small typeface

today is your birthday.
a year ago today we were on the phone,
at this exact time.
5:00am.
we had been talking since 9pm,
but time flies when you're having fun,
or in my case,
when you're in love.
i remember exactly what we talked about.
how much my parents loved you,
and how much your mom loved me.
how badly we wanted to have our families meet.
and how bad we had always wanted to go to florida.
together.
or go to universal studios
and take pictures in front of hogwarts.

yesterday i watched your instagram story.
and guess where you were?
in front of the hogwarts castle.
i know i can't be mad
or shocked that i wasn't invited.
you're touring with your new best friends.
meeting more people.
more girls.
prettier than me.
better than me.

however, we exchanged our first words in months.
i snapchatted you to say
happy birthday. a civil thing.
i didn't think you would answer,
so it nearly gave me a heart attack when your name popped up.

"thank you so much, lex. miss you."
that's all you said,
followed by a yellow heart.

i know you don't miss me,
and that was all out of pity.
maybe you want to feel better about leaving me behind.
maybe you know how badly i'm hurting.
but,
maybe you might actually miss me too.
i doubt it though.

boys like you don't love
girls like me.

boys like you don't kiss
girls like me.
not anymore at least.

i see the snow fall,
like the tears from my eyes.
i hear your voice,
like i hear the wolves at night.

i started talking to someone new.
oddly enough, he's just like you.
he's tall and he sings,
and his eyes are blue.
but he's nothing like you.

he checks up on me,
and makes sure i'm okay.
he calls me his light and i call him mine,
and with him i know i'll be just fine.

i’m sorry
that i love you.

yet,
i still can’t stop this.
my heart is a traitor,
is the reason
my pen is stuttering now.

it’s done
and over,
and i know that.
but knowing that
and truly believing that..
well those are two different things.