i am the girls you haven’t kissed
the patch of skin below your wrist
i am the sky dark before dawn
your hair before you cut it, blonde and long
i am your neighbors window, a grocery bag
i am the best and the worst thing you’ve never had

you’ll dream of me as soon as i leave
i’ll pretend i don’t know that you watched me sleep
whispered my name, it was almost noon
wiped my eyes and swallowed the moon
thought about you on the train ride home
i’m not allowed to love you, i’ll leave you alone

I'm not exactly happy right now
But I'm not exactly crying
And I'm not exactly living right now
But I'm not well on my way to dying
And people collectively are not exactly good
But neither are they bad
And it's been a while since I've stood
But I'm not sitting down sad
Because I am not defined by one action
We are constantly changing, growing,
Into who we need to be
We are not one moment of pain or satisfaction
We simply are and I am, and knowing
Knowing that keeps me free

Every day, every night,
I wonder if I'm any right.
Every time I think about you,
the world around me seems to be new.
I've been breathing all these years,
not knowing your sweet fragrance in the air.
Your presence is the only thing
that brightens up my day.
And now here I lay,
with a fear of losing you,
when you are not even mine.

I could have told you the things
I've always wanted to tell.
Not that I'm scared to speak, it's just
your answer that doesn't let me sleep.
Because I have a fear of losing you,
when I know that you're not even mine.

you said, "you're not afraid to love
you love kittens, you love rainy weather,
you love shakespeare and sweaters
movies and being kissed
on the tip of your nose
new york city, you love beaches
and the few times it snows
you love crime tv, you love poetry
so why is it that when it comes to me
you feel hesitant?"

i said, "i will tell you, the reason
that i am guarded
yes, i love all of the things
that you listed.
but shakespeare never wrote me a sonnet
and then disappeared, leaving me stranded
new york city may drive me crazy
but it will always be here, you see
poetry may tear me apart
but it won't look me in the eyes as it does
do you have an answer, now, to your satisfaction?
please listen, believe me,
i do not fear rejection.
i fear giving up all of my secrets
only to find you've painted yours
on someone else's skin."

it really wasnt until i was hurt
that i realized i could feel
it wasnt till we both walked away
that i saw what we had was real.

i am so sorry i was who i am
i tried so hard to change for you
i wanted you to love me
but now i think were officially through.