I used to think sadness is beautiful
Maybe because It's just a place where I'd rather be at my befall.
I have experienced pain,
Pain makes me realize what happiness really partakes

I've been lost for a while
Then suddenly I found myself being at a right place where I could be me for a longtime
Could this be the happiness that I'm waiting or It's just temporary just like a finger snap.

I should never waste my time
seeking for the things that will make me smile
I really keep on trying, just to find the happiness that I desire
yet I forgot I's just hiding on the things that I admire

Life is so much better
when things get sweeter
I found love that made me realize that happiness is just around
and would make people calm down.

Happiness is just around, in every little thing that surrounds us
We should open our eyes to see what would be the great things that awaits us.
My happiness seeks attention
and I should never forget to make things memorable.

I won't stop writing of you
Because words are lasting
As lasting as our love
And the memory of our hug

here i emerge, resilient as ever.
i am ethereal. i will spawn my soul.

i will love you here, now.
you will see me not as flesh and bones,
but as a series of frequencies;
blue, giant, intense, fluctuating,
or
red, a dwarf, calm, stable.
aloha - most clearly with my eyes shut.
for today i am a star. today i'm with the star.

My arms wrap around you.
I am smothering, suffering alone,
Wondering what I would do without you.
In a sceptical moment, you brush past me,
As fresh as the morning dew.

Telling me stuff that lay beneath me,
A waking life in a still dream.
Under that particular mound and that particular tree,
Where I touched your soul
And was finally free.

The caresses of your gentle hand.
The sparkle in your beady eyes,
Was the philtre of the most outlandish brand.
And all seemed like the heavens had,
For me planned, a scheme too grand.

You, my love spoke in an amiable moo
Words that my ears couldn't hear.
A life with emotions too few,
A gushing hollowness in the heart of life,
Leaving me wondering, what will I do without you

I am not my demons
They are made entirely of me.

They are the cruelties I've suffered,
Presenting themselves like tornados through small towns.

Towns that don't seem like much at a passing glance,
But who's residents never doubt
The beauty and potential it holds
If only you stay long enough to notice it.

But how can anyone see the beauty in towns
That are forever being brought to ruins.
At the mercy of something as destructive
And unpredictable
As a **** tornado?

Ever have that moment where a thought crosses your mind?
Just like any other random thought?
But this thought, causes you to stop in mid stride.
Makes words stop flowing from your mouth when in conversation.
The thought makes your face immobile.
No expression upon it...
Or emotion appearing within the eyes.
Almost like a mask, portraying a veil that covers what you wish not to be seen.
Everyone has those moments...
Sometimes when you're alone, or when you're around others.
That thought reveals a moment from the past that found its way into the present.

I forgot to fill my prescription.
How is it that I always forget something that makes such an impact on my life?
Without it, I am not myself.
or am I more myself?
Who is to say that depression and anxiety aren't characteristics as opposed to mental illness?

A chemical imbalance of the brain.
That's how the doctors describe it.
That's how we describe it,
To make ourselves feel less ashamed.

So I forgot to fill my prescription.
Sometimes I think I forget purposefully.
Is it possible to cautiously make a sub-consous choice?
Cause' I think I might.
I think I do it to make myself feel alive again.
**** being able to "function".
I don't see functioning as living.
I truly feel alive when I allow myself to indulge in the pain.

Treating the emotional agony as something that I shouldn't feel, only makes me feel more ashamed of it.

So instead I indulge.
I don't cry.
I don't cut.
I don't expose.
I indulge in my inner sadness.

It makes me feel like a rebel.
Indulging makes me feel more alive than the actual act of living.
And that terrifies me.

I terrify me.

before i ever met you i had no idea i liked blue eyes especially ones that resemble the crystal clear blue carribean sea and normally i'd never get anywhere near any ocean of any sort but the sea of your eyes is enchanting and it fascinates me to no end, it's what causes me to stay up past three am every night thinking about how heavenly it would be to drown in opulent sapphire serenity, but the weird thing is that i'm normally absolutely petrified of the ocean and when im around you i feel invincible, i guess the ocean is euphoric to some but to me any geographic or cosmic wonder could never compare to the inner and outer beauty that radiates off of you like a ray of sun or a wave through the sea of your irises, i may not have ever told you how beautiful i think your mind is or maybe i did but it's kind of hard to think about anything because im normally too busy wishing i was drowning in you