some days i mourn the death of stars,
some days i forget to mourn the dreams i massacred
both days i tell you nothing about it

somedays i mourn the death of stars,
some days i forget to mourn the dreams i massacred

both days i know i can tell no one anything about it
and i didn’t, but it seems like the end

so what if i erupted out all my infections.

riffed on and on
about these implosions that is the world inside of me
pretty words and raw sketches did not get it any lovers
lovers that only knew to love
and everything else felt so vacuous
so lacklustre

dissect me, let me be your science and god- i plead again
but i thought i am not reaching you because my words were not adept
so i made it better and i was all the more unreachable
until maybe i thought that was fine,
i will be unreachable, sad but well

will you reduce me, let me be an atom that intrigues you endlessly

so i plea
so i plea
shamelessly
i will make you coffees and teas and potions unheard of
i will let you cut into flesh of my dreams,
we will make love in a cobweb of intricately beautiful poetic delusions
but i am tired too

i want food
i want to eat and sleep and be pampered
like a brat cat that gets so much love
enough of being a dog, it is tiring
and i think i am living in dog years
wait i was about to say cat years,
i want to live in tortoise years
as a tortoise

muffled
were all the things i said
for it wielded hurt,
it was draped in poetic pain
no matter the season
and swarmed with a repulsive passion
i cannot love you for your wings
i want the scars, your scars
or the cut open bled out
parts of you
that i can resuscitate with every last of the air within me

or the ones that still bleed too
and i ll drink them dry when
i can't heal them
i will grow you wings
i will chew into the living and dead and angels and gods
i would eat the unborn
i would possess the dead
to feed it to you just so you can fly
just so you know me
see me

but **** i am tired,
i thought it was just my mind
but no i am old
so many centuries lived trying to
match and compete and triumph over myself
in being able to love,
in being able to know
do i have anything more left to give you?
no i will have to pretend like i do
which i cannot
so i don't know

it is not that you never say the right words,
that can pierce into my skin.
it's just whispers never lasted,
so now i yearn for my ears to bleed
and most probably that wont last either
but maybe
just maybe

and if not i hope i could die from it

i like to say
here is my soul
don't hate it
don't hurt it
don't share it
just feel it within yours.
because it is my soul
and that is all i have left.
be doused by the moistness it is surrounded by

somehow
somehow
if you cant stand it
don't tell me it

i wanted the world within you
i wanted the world through you
just through you
even if everything
everywhere else was as exquisite as it can be
even if it was all but dark and hollow within you

there is waves inside of me
ready to take you into my oblivious depth
with such voracious passion
i am afraid of it but i am also in love with it
because i am it
and i just wait for you
who is the all consuming dying star
that can devour all of my oceans and skies and apocalypses

will you go to war with me to love me more than i love you

stifled, i feel
because i am a storm you would forget
the wreckage i leave isn't to your taste
i was not wishing you couldn't withstand me
that was never why i came on too strong
i just wanted to sway with you in the tides
i wanted to savor you in the highs and lows
i just wanted to be your personal storm
just that although i get it, who wants a storm
but i am a storm nonetheless
and no one likes a storm that stays
when it does you find a new home
you tell the world it wrecked you