Thoughts race through her head
Tears drip down her checks
Screams rip from her mouth
The blade slices again
Cutting deeper than the last
The pain will fade but the scars wont
Anger fades but the hurt doesn’t
Words scar
Caving them into her skin
Her failure remains

I'm sorry I didn't know what too say
I'm sorry I tried too late
I'm sorry you're gone
I'll never forget you
I just wanted you to know this
I want you know that I loved you
You were one of my closest friends

I'm sorry that I can't say anything now
I'm sorry that so many people will never get the chance to know you
I'm sorry that I couldn't find the words to stop you
I'm sorry that I'll never talk to you again
I'm sorry that you're gone too soon

See that girl there
The overweight one
The one with scars on her legs
Do you know what caused them?
You did
You called her fat, worthless, stupid
So she carved it into her skin
The word fat on her ankle
Worthless on her hip
And stupid on her arm
She cuts daily to let the demons out
Hurts herself so she doesn’t hurt others
She stops talking
Stops eating
Stops breathing
Stops living
Thinks the worlds better off that way

For me it's like suddenly nothing matters any more and trying to do anything becomes impossible.
It makes me feel numb sometimes so I cut to feel, or its makes me so anxious and I cut to calm myself.

Other times it makes the stupidest things seem so incredibly important.
Makes me unable to cope and worry about everything, makes me paranoid that everyone hates me.

It makes me consider suicide, makes me want to disappear and never be seen again.
It makes me want to rip my hair out and peel back my skin.
It makes me want to be someone else anyone else.

Then it goes away for a little while and I feel calm again, I feel like I can cope and I feel like suddenly I'll be okay, everything will be fine.
Then like a strong cloud it comes back and ruins everything.

It starts slowly
One here, one there
Never more than ten
Always more than five
She thrives on the pain
Smiles as the blade draws blood
Dripping slowing
Coating her clothes
From white to red
The blood stain where it lands
The pain
The sorrow
The fear
The worry
The uncertainty
The innocence
Ebb and flow away

Weeks later it had increased
Always more than twenty
Never less
Deeper and deeper till she reaches bone
Only then will she be satisfied
Only then can she smile
Only then can she wipe away the tears
Only then can she finally be happy once more
Only then can she feel whole again
Only then....

Her sleeve slips
Her scars show
People stare
People judge
Picks herself up
She’s been through worse
She is an artist
Her skin is the canvas
The blood is the paint
Her scars are her pain
The scars are memories of the words that hurt
Past reminders of a cruel world
She smiles
Picks up the blade
Tears still fall, but the smile is real
Blood flowing from her wrists
The pain is too great
Another angel falls from grace

They don't care
Because they don't see
How the words hurt
Get under your skin
Rip your skin open
So the blood can flow out 
They won't care 
But I will 

They won't care 
Until they see
Until they see the scars
The burns
The bruises 
Until they see how much you're hurting 
They won't care
But I will 

They can't understand 
Why you picked up the blade
They can't understand why you would do that
They see the world as black and white
Good is good 
Bad is bad
There world makes sense 
Ours doesn't 
They won't understand when they see the pain and the scars
They won't understand that girl who cuts to cope with her demons
They won't understand that boy who cuts so he feels something, anything at all 

They don't care
They won't care
They don't understand 
But that's okay
Because I do.

Once upon a time
When I was a little child
Life was butterflies and sunshine
The monsters didn’t bother me
Then I turned 15
The butterflies turned to dust and the sunshine became darkness

Drowning, slowly sinking
Struggling to keep her head up
The pain sets in
Its getting harder to breath, harder to move
Struggling to eat without the self hatred
The disease is setting in
The blood flows out
Stark red contrasts against white
Pain leaves the body
Slowly
The pain drains away as her soul returns
One less angle left on earth.

She cuts deeper each time past the skin past bone
Letting the sickness bleed out
But its speeded into her bones
Heads spinning round
Running in circles anyway
Chasing down the dreams trying to get away
Starving every morning starving every night
Hungry to bed makes her light
Voice screaming in her head drowning out her thoughts
Her voice slowly fades
Getting harder each day
Losing sleep and her mind
Diving further into the abyss the deep dark unknown.

The knife cuts as do the words
Blood rushes out
Frees the pain, frees the girl
Pain stops and the numbness begins
Head spins, brain dies
Crying carelessly
Tears seep out
Drying on her checks
Wondering why she started
Knowing she can’t stop
The knife cuts her skin
Fears drip out
Breath stops
Lips tremble
Dreams fade away as demons break through her skin
Killing her slowly

Tears rushing down my face
I’m messed up in my head
Running circles in my brain
Trying to get out
Cutting deeper every time
First the knife and then the blade
I’m a lost cause and I know it
Stressing out about the world
Running raged in my head
Carving words into my flesh
Cause there seared into my brain
Cutting deeper each night
Past the skin, past the bone
Trying to draw the sickness out, but its seeped into my bones
Heading spinning, running in circles anyway
Starving each morning
Starving each night
Hungry to bed makes me light
Voices screaming in my head
Drowning out the thoughts

Blood rushes now her leg
Tears fall from her eyes
Sighing softly
Getting harder to stop
Knowing the pain is hiding
Biding its time until it can come back
Cuts again
Deeper and deeper each time
Tears fall again
Struggling to catch her breath
She just shuts her eyes
Sick of watching life pass her by
Cuts again
The blood rushes out
The demons are back
Clawing their way out
Staring at the sky as she cries for humanity
For all the pain and fear in the word
Tears fall harder
People are cruel
Hurting themselves and others

I’ve got so much to tell the world
Like Lucy it’s not your fault I cut
Or Lauren of course I ate today
I’m ****** up I’ve accepted it
No use crying over me
Can’t you see?
I’d be happier up in the sky
Away from the pain and fears
Drifting through the clouds
Floating away from all the pain
Can’t you see I cut deeper after a fight
It’s all my fault
I’m worthless
I should die
But I won’t
Would anyone even notice?
If I faded away
Stopped breathing
Would they?

Do you know what rain is?
Rain is heaven crying
For all the pain in the world
All the people who hurt themselves and others
All the children who die
All the fear
And all the ill gotten gain.
People don’t care
They keep hurting others
They keep killing and thieving
They keep hurting with the knife or gun
Screaming at other
Words hurt more than the knife sometimes

Someone once told me that I was too young to understand, well I'm older now and I still don't get it
Some people can sail through life without a care in the world
Me, well I just try to make it through the night
Try to convince myself that tomorrow will be a better day.

Gaining solace in the words of others
My mind begins to slow        
Although the blood still flows
I begin to heal
Second by second
Minute by minute  
Day by day
So maybe one day I'll be okay