as a child
my parents
kept me

well mannered
well traveled
they have given me
an abundance
of materialistic
objects

but

that is all
anything
ever was
an object

maybe
that is why
i cannot
connect to people

because we are

all just objects

sitting here
in the rain
trying to
keep myself
calm

thinking of
all the lies
you fed me
from the palm
of your hand

thinking of
the broken promises
you had no problem
washing away

thinking of
all of the pain
you have sent me
away with

thinking of
how you can not
even bring yourself
to say

i'm sorry

to be
completely
gut wrenching
honest

i do not
know
where to
even start
this piece

i am lost
i do not
know
which way
is up
which way
is down

i feel hurt

i am
aching
from the
pain of my past

the cracks
within me
are starting
to crumble
once more

i am lost
i am breaking
i will rebuild

i have always
trusted you
i have always
listened to you

i never
second guessed you
i never
told anyone
how hurt i was
when you told me

i kept a happy face on
now i am built up with
all of this pain

this *******
added pain

all i do is hurt
i bleed pain
i ache pain

i cant do this anymore

i loved you
from the bottom
of my hollow
heart

i loved you
from the bottom
of my ice cold
heart

i loved you
from the bottom
of my ravished with trauma
heart

i loved you
with every
fiber of my beating
heart

but
i do not love you anymore

how could i?

how am i suppose
to explain
what the ****
i am feeling

how am i suppose
to explain
the anger that runs
through my ******* veins

that i was just a child
a helpless child
in a hallow room
filled with too much pain

to even        s p e a k

round and round
we all go

spinning
like lifeless teacups
at an abandoned amusement park

i am trying
to fake a smile
like everyone else

but
I want to scream
I want to run
I want to hide

why is everyone the same
why is no one laughing
why is this place so cold


why do I feel like i am dying