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Her Feb 2020
i loved you
from the bottom
of my hollow
heart

i loved you
from the bottom
of my ice cold
heart

i loved you
from the bottom
of my ravished with trauma
heart

i loved you
with every
fiber of my beating
heart

but
i do not love you anymore

how could i?
Her Feb 2020
how am i suppose
to explain
what the ****
i am feeling

how am i suppose
to explain
the anger that runs
through my ******* veins

that i was just a child
a helpless child
in a hallow room
filled with too much pain

to even        s p e a k
Her Feb 2020
round and round
we all go

spinning
like lifeless teacups
at an abandoned amusement park

i am trying
to fake a smile
like everyone else

but
I want to scream
I want to run
I want to hide

why is everyone the same
why is no one laughing
why is this place so cold


why do I feel like i am dying
Her Dec 2019
i am
sick and tired
of being left
of not being enough
of ******* hurting
so badly i bleed
out of my hands and throat

i am
sick and tired
of false hope
of telling myself
everything will be okay

i think i'll turn
to the dark side
for a bit
maybe happiness
just is not meant for me
in this lifetime
and i give up

            t r y i n g
            to fight for it
Her Dec 2019
you think i am
a woman who
is okay
with being left
in the dark

my my
are you
wrong

you think you can
hurt me
but
oh
baby
only i can
hurt me

    now stay the **** away
Her Dec 2019
when i was 7 years old
i found myself
angry
not knowing
how to communicate

i took a pen
to my opisthenar
making the pen
crush my skin

bruising
and
bleeding

my mother
put ice on it
telling me
it would
one day be okay

maybe thats how
i became
who i am today

bruising, bleeding
my emotions
just to ice them out
and not feel a thing

whispering
to
myself

     one day it will all be okay
Her Aug 2019
i don’t know if you know this
but i love you

i love you
with every ounce of my being
with every cell in my body

my 23 year old self trusts you
more than i’ve ever trusted a single soul
in my entire life

and i don’t think you understand how
******* scary that is for me
i shake at the thought of me really trusting you
i shake at the thought of me being with you
i shake at the thought of me hurting again
i shake at the thought of wanting more
i shake at being in love with you

because to be completely honest,
i’ve never had someone actually
care about me the way you do
i’ve never had someone care about me
more than you care about me
i’ve never had someone care about my safety more than me
until
you

i’m not use to this
what do i do
how do i learn to have a life no longer poisoned by my past
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