i met you almost
two years ago
i hurt you
while scrambling
through my own pain
trying to find my way
through a dark maze
with a haze of ache

you got caught
in my rage of
a crossfire
i realized
i actually liked someone
trusted them so easily

i was angry
someone actually
made me laugh
made me smile

the hurricane
was a category five
you took shelter
far away from me
my tears dripping
from the sky

two years after
the hurricane
we are just recovering
there is life again
there is growth
there is laughter
there is happiness
there is light


there is a second chance

i am 28 years old
still trying to figure out
the meaning to all of this
confused on human emotion
confused on life

but

i know this familiar feeling
the feeling of being lost
of not knowing
what way is up
what way is down
what way is left
what way is 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

this time though
my self soothing is not working
not like how it use to atleast

i am not panicking
i am not jumping ship
i am not escaping
all like i normally would
in my past

no

this time is different
this time is 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

it took me 313 days
to realise it was you
it took me 313 days
to process that my soul
wanted nothing more
than to be loved by you
the rest of our lives

it took me 313 days
in the purest
most raw
form
to realize
you were the sound
of birds chirping
in the morning light

it took me 313 days
to realize that i would choose you
time and time and time again
jolting me like the clock once it strikes twelve
awakening my soul
from the deepest slumber

i hope you know
that i love you
since the moment i stepped foot
into that pub
since the moment our eyes met
since the moment our souls intertwined

i love you

how am i suppose
to sit here
when the one that i love
is in a city rained with tears
how am i suppose to do
nothing but sit and wait
in the dark abyss

i have always loved change
i have never had a fear of the unknown

but my god
this

this hurts more than
any heartbreak
this hurts more than
any medical procedure
this hurts more than
any loss i have endured

how am i suppose to help the one that i love

tell me
please

if there is a god
somewhere far away
how does he
make these choices
how does he
take life from us
how does he
decide what is bad

if there is a god
somewhere far away
i hope he hears
my screams tonight
i hope he sees the hurt
in my chest

if there is a god
somewhere far away
how can he be so cruel

i would be lying
if i said
i never have issues
eating food now

that i am fully recovered
that i am fully okay

i would be lying
if i said
i never loved you

that i never felt anything for you
that i never felt so vulnerable with you

my entire life
i have been using
my body

to get what i want
to manipulate situations
to numb my own mind
to feel in control

then somehow you

Nektarios
the patron saint
for those suffering
of heart troubles
along with many more

warmed me
at your first touch
warmed me
at your first sight

my cold heart
the one that was always
sharp around the edges
so sharp that people
would bleed out

yet not you

you gave me light
you gave me hope
you gave me love

you made me softer
you made me kinder

i thank you Nektarios