sometimes
i bump into the thought
that i don’t really care
about anything

not school
not being pretty
or healthy, or better.

when you wipe off
the good girl cosplay
the soft peach blush
and the freckles
and the lip gloss

the straight a’s
and the sweet potatoes
and the self-discipline

you will find a wild thing
dancing around
in her underwear
drinking iced coffee
for lunch and
doing nothing but
writing and reading
and abandoning any
semblance of sanity

completely consumed
by all the things
i shouldn’t be.

and when i have
destroyed everything
around me
with my negligence
and delusion

when the decent ones
have seen themselves out

when there is nothing
left inside of me

there will always be poetry.

the truth is

i cannot be contained like that

i cannot be taught to like water 
more than cranberry juice

i cannot pretend for decades upon decades

(years like soft footprints and malnourished
buzzards circling who i really am;
the whimsical part of me
decaying like neglected cavities)

that i enjoy self-discipline and growing muscle

i cannot cook healthy dinners 
and go to sleep at reasonable hours

i will not wake up one morning
and be everything that you hoped for me to be

i tried holding myself very still for a while
i tried to like doing what i’m supposed to

and maybe i will someday

but it won’t be because i loved you

As reckless
as a bound beauty

Standing
on the edge
of eternity

God !
There is freedom
in the temptation
of the fates

One must kiss
the lips of death
to live

I slip on icy words,
water rising through the cracks of consciousness,
I know not how I drowned,
but I do know
why
I'm
cold.

Not even a crow should know
what now in you I confide
turning his voice too low
he drew him closer to his side.

The listener strained his ears hard
nodded his head in assent
he wouldn't divulge one word
of the secret shared that moment.

Soon his face started showing crease
his belly bulged like balloon
he started feeling ill at ease
the burden was no boon.

He told his wife *what now I say
not be passed to another ear
mustn't see the light of day
keep to yourself only my dear.

The secret did her badly tease
made her silent morose
she couldn't breathe without release
must tell someone her close.

The secret spread like forest fire
were talking too many men
winds breathed it in the air
sun shone on it poured rain!

A whiff of smell
You left in the air
Keeps aloft my sail
In the rough weather.
A hint of smile
You left in my eye
Drives me miles,
Keeps my spirit high.
A hope for warmth
You left in my heart
Still fires my hearth,
Refuses to depart.
A seed of romance
You sowed in me
Gave love a chance
To grow as a tree.

Morning breaks, the sky’s still grey
I lay silent as the day slips by
Afraid to move, unwilling I stay