I wasn't raised to learn by myself
I was raised to lean on others for help.
I was told I could never go around or beyond
the corner of the block or leave the lawn.
I'm terrified of going anywhere, of standing on my own feet.
The way I was raised is evident in my skills.
I stayed indoors most of my life,
I watched the other kids from behind the windowsill
I never learned how to do the simplest of things
After my first fall on a bike, with a small little scrape upon my knee.
I was taught that if I can't do it once, there's no point in even trying.
Any opportunity I had to learn a basic skill,
was put to waste, as I was shoved aside after my first few tries and told,
"If you can't do it, I will."
Now I get in trouble, for the things I never knew.
As after every single attempt,
"Forget it, I'll do it," is what I hear.
When I'm told to do something that would be considered basic,
I require a detailed set of instructions so that I may achieve it.
With all these chances that I was completely ridden,
company was another thing that I was never given.
During all the summers, where I was all home alone,
despite it being mid-July, it was always freezing cold.
An only child is how I was born and raised.
I had full conversations with myself in fear of becoming bored.
I strive to be listened to, I strive to be heard,
I try and I try, yet I still cannot utter a word.
Told to stay silent, told to stay still, with no personal experiences
I have no personal will.

Curiosity,
Have you reached me?
Possibilities,
Have reached infinity,
Unfolding
the creases of my eyes.
Like a beacon,
the darkness seeks me.
the light inside me roars,
straining to get through the cracks,
my soul has valiantly held it back.
After all these years,
It’s finally made its move to attack
And I let go as I’ve lost all control
It’s not like it’s bad
the pain is from all these rules I've had:
“Always show restraint.”
"Keep still, you have to wait."
I was told to wait and wait
until that day.
Now the light is
getting through the cracks,
I’ve tried to keep it back
But it’s control I lack.
The light says:
“Do not fear, your light is here!”
It desires to purify the shadows
brighten all that is near.
The anxious fact, if I hide the light
I may get out of this
        alive
only for a fair time.
Alike a flashlight,
with the illuminating glow,
the darkness flees me
as does anyone else who heeds me.
My FACE is cracked,
my ARMS are ripped,
my CHEST is stitched,
my LEGS are chipped.
All of the light
shines through these crevices.
Fighting off the shadows,
cleaning up my messes.
For all of this time
I’ve remained in the light,
yet, now that it's quiet
and the light’s the only warmth
my heart is torn,
as I wonder should I warn,
those people I have found.
Not knowing how it's dangerous to be around
When I’m here and above the ground.
I am NOT safe,
I am THE ‘destined’,
I am THE ‘way’,
I am THE one who will guide the darkness to that place.
For I am their beacon,
for I am their flashlight,
And even though I’ve kept it
I know the light isn’t mine.
I know this light consumes
I know I wasn’t mean to win,
and as I am engulfed
by the light that I hold
I figure out the truth.
I was just a pawn to save the
shadows from their own.
For I am a beacon
For I am their flashlight
And I will guide their way