I would not rather say,
what I felt today.
It was something scary and intense,
that made my nerves go insane.
It is something I asked for,
To continue the learnings I adore,
But, Chaos came into my core.
Now I'm breaking down, oh no.
I recall talking to a stranger.
I told him what I've done before
He was alarmed & disturbed
And kept asking about it all day long.
Today, I asked for a favor
And kept my pride lower than before
My psychological disorder shifted too strong
Now, my body's shaking, oh no.
I rather not tell,
How badly I felt.
How I tried to **** myself
On the 24th day of December.
How suicide thought possess
How PTSD caress.
How down I was, regressed.
Because the only thing people see,
Is the damaged part of me
Pain wouldn't go away. I told my new workmate about my suicide attempt last December. And he was distrubed by asking if I told the HR about the incident. If I'm fully recovered. I felt discriminated. I felt violated .Whenever I share my life, people were too disturbed that I might not performed well with my work, acads and life. Then, I'm still supported by my family in my education. And asking for a favor especially in monetary issues, is a big no no for me. It triggers my paranoia and I became disturbed. I'm still starting to build my career and my self.
Mental illness is something I lived in everyday life. Please try to respect one.