Love, I wrote you a letter
Going to send it, hoping things will be better
Darling, silence is hard
At least I'm not a bard
Writing songs day and night
While I fight
To speak to you again
To see you and then
Maybe things may return to normal
Do you remember the winter formal?
We talked, smiled, danced the night away
When I heard you say
You loved me
And we could be
Whatever we want to be
I said
This romance used to all be in my head
But here we are, here you are
That was then, that time so far
With every passing day
I say;
"Maybe he's missing me,"
"Just like how I'm missing him."
But then I wonder
And all my dreams are torn asunder
Whispering unto me uncertainties
Trekking through each day; little eternities
Such longings, aches, and bittersweet memories
Going through directories
In my mind
Hoping to go through and find
Answers as to why
Such a wonderful guy
And I
Can no longer be together
And what I find doesn't add up
Doesn't satisfy the thirst from my void cup
The void cup of my mind
Open it, see what you find
That which I cannot see
That which will not let me be
Today of all days
Has finally rolled around
I'm caught in a daze
Feels like I'm pinned to the ground
Out of breath
Blood colder than death
With the realization
My brain filling my view with signs of caution
Because today
Would be the 7th anniversary of the day
That you and I got together
But now it's just a severed tether
Still, today I wore a nice red shirt
Wore jeans, never a skirt
Wearing the necklace you gave me
The rose quartz one in the shape of a heart
The remembrance of you it carries wouldn't let me be
And the bracelet you made, adding the little charm
It's saved me from harm
Of loneliness
But that's besides the point -
I know not why I wear such things
The nice red shirt, to start
I wore one like it on our date night
With myself I fight
Saying I shouldn't
That normally I wouldn't
But if we'd still been you and I
Then I'd try
And do something romantic
Maybe paint you a scene; oceanic
Take you on a stroll
My goal;
Kiss you under the light of a thousand stars
Let the time be ours
Maybe sweep you up off of your feet
Dance with you in the street
The heart necklace of rose quartz
To say you're near my heart - in a way of sorts
If I run, it thumps on my chest
Makes me feel like I'm on a quest
And some part of you is running with me
Cheering and then I see
I'm at the end
The bracelet with the charm
Calms me when I am in a state of alarm
On one side of the charm is a heart
And on the other part
It says one sweet word;
"Love"
You wear, or maybe wore, one just like it
On the same wrist, but a bead on mine split
Didn't think much of it, but now I see
But still, I believe we were meant to be
You showed me what love is
Please don't let all of that fizz
Into nothingness
Tell me there is something I can access
To speak to you again
Tell me there is a road I can walk
To see you again
Tell me there is something I can do
To be with you
On one hand and knee
I ask of thee
What can I do to show
That I can go
Any distance and length
With all my strength
Tell me
What an I say or do
To be with you
Again?
- Jay M
March 26th, 2020
We got together on September 26th, 2019, and the last I spoke a word to him was February 26th, 2020 (our 6 month anniversary). Last I was told, I'm not allowed to talk to or see him. So here I am...still hoping.