I remember,
Going back to class,
After taking the knife to my skin.
By knife, I mean the stolen box cutter,
From engineering class.
Meant to be used for cardboard.

I remember,
Sitting through class.
Letting that ridiculous long skirt,
Absorb my ****** pain.
Fearing, it would seep through.
And someone would see.
Although it never did.
And no one saw.

I remember,
Hiding in the bathroom.
For three periods in a row.
Clawing at my thighs,
Because the only tool I had,
Was a pen.
So, I wrote cruel things.
Promises, words to end things.
And when I emerged, glazed.
No. One. Noticed.

I remember,
How much I wanted them to see me.
To look me in the eye,
And see my suffering.
But, no one did.
No. One.

Forget the past.
Run so fast.
Duck the forecast.
That’s saying it won’t last.

Maybe it’s wrong.
They won’t string me along.
Maybe it will last long.
Make me belong.

But just like before,
I’m the loser.
Getting hurt galore.
Feelings they ignore.

So back to my low,
The place I know.
Feeling hollow,
In my wallow.

I’ll strengthen my wall.
So even with a call,
I will never fall.
To anyone at all.

I hate how you ruined song after song.
It’s not fair that you have that power so strong.
Music is the only thing that makes me belong.
Taking that away is just plain wrong.

It may be cute but hear it from my view,
Getting a song captioned, “this reminded me of you.”
Makes the song stick to you like glue.
So after you hurt me I can’t stand it and take it off queue

I will never again let you through my wall.
As a matter of fact, maybe never to anyone at all.
To my problems you would call,
Kept you enthralled.
And when I would stall,
Your prying would keep its crawl.
So I would fall,
To your appall.
And you would throw it in a ball,
Down the hall.
I was left to haul,
Into a shattered ball,
What you would keep cruelly mauled.
So up went my wall.
Are you really appalled?
That now I won’t open to anyone at all?

I need more alcohol,
To numb my pain.
Not to party all night,
Just to alleviate my brain.

The first shot I choke down,
The second I shudder once,
The third I welcome,
The fourth has no burning response.

“Why is the tequila slowly disappearing?”
My dad inquires one night,
I shrug and convince him I’m innocent,
He agrees I am without a fight.

Night after night to slow my thoughts.
Shot after shot to **** the loneliness.
Gulp after gulp straight from the bottle.
Morning after morning I awake amidst the fogginess.

I guess this is what addiction is.
I guess I should care about the dependence.
But all I care about is escaping,
The pain i am cruelly sentenced.

Does routine ever stop?
Does monotony ever end?
Will it always be a cycle?
Waiting for each weekend?
Will I ever get up,
And not wait to go back to bed?
What does it mean to have purpose?
And not wish to be dead.
What’s the ultimate goal?
Why should I keep persevering?
What’s waiting at the end?
What is the meaning?
What story do I believe?
Why can’t I be like everyone?
And not doubt what I was taught?
Maybe then I wouldn’t feel this done.
So in the end I’m the villain.
The one to blame for my hurt.
If I would stop beings so twisted,
Would stop feeling like dirt.
Why can’t I be grateful?
Just be happy,
And not **** in my head.
JUST STOP FEELING ******.

Who's the psychopath,
Laughing his own cruel jokes?
It's all a crude game,
People's pain.
Oh, she looks OK,
Finally feeling some joy, Let me take that away,
Laugh when she's no more feeling OK.
She wonders what she did to deserve this.
Being the victim of you.
Now she's convinced she bought this on herself.
But little girl, you're innocent.
He feels he must hurt you.
Take the ground beneath your feet,
As soon as you start to heal, Shoots a detrimental thought,
That cuts.
She thinks she's his only,
We all think we're his favorite.
Just stay away from all of us.