It’s not my fault
Is what I’m trying really hard to believe.
But you are the sweetest
So how can someone like you do this to me.o

It’s not my fault,
I keep telling myself.
I was ******* drunk,
You shouldn’t have take my yes legitimate.

It’s not my fault,
It’s hard to believe you would take advantage like that.
I’m usually the problem .
But it wasn’t mine this once.

It’s not my fault,
You should have know better,
I think you did.
You just knew I would never allow this sober.

It’s not my fault
you jumped at my “yes”
Then had the nerve to say the next day
I would never without consent.

I’m trying so hard to quiet that voice,
Keep repeating to myself,
It’s not my fault,
But I think it’s my fault.

Here I am laying on the floor,
Locked all the doors.
I cut and drank,
The ship already sank.

I’ll do it again,
I feel so **** shaken.
Hurting and numb all over,
It would be worse if I was sober.

When they call me to come down,
I’ll drag myself up and wipe the frown.
Won’t be a difficult child,
To my pain, everyone is blind.

I miss being cherished by you
Saying to you I love you too
Falling asleep to you breathing
Being the first I talk to in the morning

I wonder what your doing now
I wish to hug you somehow
But all I feel is an ache in my chest
But to be loved by you I was truly blessed

I think of us when I lay in bed
And all the sudden I feel your warmth spread
But it’s not the same and makes me miss you more
I wish you would know it’s you who I cry for.

My hero doesn’t wear a cape,
She wears scars that are deepest.

My hero isn’t tall and strong,
She 4’11 and her shoe size is 5.

Although along her journey she may have saved lives,
The best life she saved was her own.

She doesn’t have trophies to show for her triumphs.
Nor recognized approval from the world.

Had every excuse to succumb and admit defeat,
But from the recesses of hell she came crawling.

I only know some of what she went through,
But even the smallest still makes her my hero.

When I talk to her and tell her my pain,
My thoughts flow from my mouth without hesitation.

She gives me hope and I feel less alone,
I speak to her like I speak to no other.

My hero is saving me from falling too deep,
My hero is wrapping me in her cape.

Im filled with emotions,
I can no longer speak.
It’s like I’m locked in my own prison,
Emotions struggling to be released.

Within me i am drowning,
But I don my happy face.
An internal war roaring,
Struggling to keep it locked in the safe.

I can not allow myself to loosen yet,
Rarely am I allowed to.
Through the day i make it through,
It’s my happy mask that talks to you.

I wish I can let the feelings out,
As they trickle in.
All day the inside prisoners shout,
Grasping and clawing at my skin.

From time to time, late at night,
Raw words from a song will pierce the wall.
The feelings are flicked on like a light,
surrendering myself to the abyss as I fall.

This all feels my fault,
Peoples pain.

A burden to be friends with,
Annoying and plain.

The black sheep in the family,
The one everyone calls insane.

Yell at me when your frustrated,
Pile your **** on my brain.

What would have happened if I knocked on their door,
With blood running down my thighs.
Letting them see what I was going through,
Would I have been on the bus the next day.
On the way to school,
Wondering if anyone cared .
Would I be here now,
I know they would have gotten me extreme help.
And maybe I would have gotten that help,
Maybe I wouldn’t be cutting still,
Wondering if anyone cares .