Pulled the walls around me
Squeezed in tight inhaled deeply
Recalled my sins and wept
Exhaled remorse

you and me
is not reality
and its getting
slipping
away from me
i'm just a trick
your mirrors and smoke
bring me a schwarma platter
and a diet coke
if i am nothing and
never have been
then how come
when you do my laundry
you get your vs
and my dress shirts
all mixed in??

Veered inadvertently
struggling with consequence
a creative solution presented itself:
transform Shame into something tangible
to ask said manifestation a pressing question

As I felt the burden of its physical presence,
I turned my head 180 degrees
and tactfully inquired:
Could you please move over a little to make some room for Guilt?

She was the sweet angel so perfectly fragile
and lost like I was flawed and broken
I felt sharp pain it hurt to see those scars on her legs
She was so beautiful when she smiled and smoked her reds
and guitar played me the song she wrote
she wrapped me in her angel wings and said it was OK you're going to be fine
I see you who you are and that made me feel alive again
it gave me hope and strength
that I was worthy of such a sweet beautiful perfect creation
so I need her to know where ever I am in this world no matter where
I need her to know
I am here and I will come to her and be strong for her and hold her up like she did for me
whenever she needs me I am her straggler
I'll always be there I'll never let her go she's stuck with me forever
as long as blood is pumping through me

I recall growing up in Boston most
because when you walk outside
in the winter from a
warm home
your face
stings from the cold

Living in San Diego for a decade
I recall coming outside from
a cool house and my
face being
stung from the heat

Now in Seattle when I go outside
As the day reveals itself
I feel the universe
welcome me

You fed me dreams
I was voracious
Filling a void
Spacious

Time now to focus
Power up with
Steak and eggs
Cut me loose
Don't make me beg

I took the gmat
Wrote a.killer essay
Just got accepted
To the UW MBA

Maybe come up for air
In the fall of 2019
To mourn the loss
Of what could have been

This task in front of me
It all becomes clear
You can't be around
At.least for the next 2 years

They are throwing out their talons
To try to take hold of something
As they are swallowed up
Into the abyss

they will never let you go
because they can't go alone
as long as they take something with them
their job is done

It was so much better
When you were still small time

Now that everyone wants a piece of you
You don't have time for me

And that's fine I am happy you got what you always wanted
totally understand why you wouldn't want to hang with such a bore

I know when they truly see what you are
It will make them love you more

It won't take long until they start point out your flaws
And as if on cue out come the claws

your final strike will be deadly precise
A smiling spewing jugular slice

It was brutal but lovely
She kept me at bay
Neglected
No privilege
Not worthy
Of the whole
Only the scraps
Is what I get
All I deserve
All I will ever have
For unconditional love
And holding tight
Sorry buddy
Didn't mean to leave you hanging
I got too busy
And now I'm tired

eating scraps in the mud
with my fellow swine
ashamed of what i've done
laying in crimes
i never set out to hurt you
it was unintentionally
you were a casualty
of me
my sickness
the sword i yield
looking back at the carnage
my past a battlefield
gotta get back up
can't stay down for long
sitting in guilt is
horrible livin'
i'm a survivor
and will be
forgiven

Trying to control me
Your hooks in my back
I rip them out
You stage another attack

Now I'm gaining control
With my hooks in your brain
Soon you'll be begging
To never stop the pain

She had a glowing red center
And would flaunt for all to see
Many would take the bait
But not me
For I fell in love
With the mortal form
And not the trickery

I couldn't find the lyrics
to my new favorite
song
So I just made them up
in my head
And played air guitar
My old lady left me
for some punk ***
Something
like that

such an efficient machine
slicing dicing and grinding
me in between
poor choices
bad calls
sharp edges and blades
another casualty
to your lack of accountability
yet you seem unscathed

golden nails painted
dirt borders ingrained
pounded into crevices
impenetrable
derelict
He knows what's up
rolling backwards
wheelchair throne
Evading stare
phlegm cackle
Hey man that's the ****
Don't lower your eyes to me
I'm so close to that
Being you
One slip away
I want to be that
majestic

Make me your object
shape twist mold
so when the monsters come out
you have something to hold