blood from Gods spill
soaks the forest floor
her Holy release
gimme more petrichor*

take a hit
lose control
your hardwired
dontcha know?

sweat it out
carried away
blood from stone
the hard way

slow mo
throttle it back
when the sky pours
mother absorbs

face down
one with earth
this sacred interface
our right from birth

blood from Gods spill
soaks the forest floor
redemption salvation
*my sweet petrichor

My armor was scarred:
battle-proven;
impermeable burden.
It was fabricated by
generations of
Hard-core Sicilians.
Provided by birthright
to defend against
our own weakness.
The day came for me
to lay down my armor-
I obeyed my master-
still a warrior but
so much faster-

for now
I yield
*sword and shield

Memories of you linger in me
Vanilla coconut perfect harmony
Like the sweet taste of cold Thai Tea

a straggler picked up along the way
wore out their welcome long ago
but you still want them to stay

a decadent treat
only allowed occasionally
we all know what happens with too much
of a good thing
better off with black coffee

they always come back at the worst times
in a meeting
they ask if everything is fine
of course just something in my eye

Memories of you still linger in me
Blazing orange brilliantly
Like sweet Thai Tea

your flaws make you perfect
in every way
i wanted you to feel
but you kept me at bay

i've seen what lies beneath
crooked teeth
curvy spine
hobbit feet
scar on your calf
blond tuft of hair
on your lower back

your flaws make you perfect
in every way
revealing their beauty
86,400 seconds per day

i'll never leave the place
with gray cloudy skies
threatening to rip open
at any time
and the sun sometimes shines
just enough to know it's there
intense brief glimpses
then disappears
and the girl i love more
than anything before
always and forever
never together
nothing is innate
life's cruelest ironies
always testing my fate
at night i'll sit on my back porch
and smoke an Amsterdam ****
listen to the world unwind
and dream of what i'll never have
it's all in my mind
the constant battle
who am i kidding
i'll never leave
Seattle

elegant reciprocity
so contradictory
the more i ***** **** up
the more i'm presented with opportunity

i can't back down when it's placed in front of me
i have no voracious ego to feed
alpha male i will never be

the more i fail and subsequently succeed
the more at peace i am with me

and to fear i will never succumb
*when failure is a perfectly acceptable outcome

all i needed
was to look at that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
adrenaline
morphine

last night i rode my bike
in the rain 5 miles to see her
we met in the usual spot
i waited until the perfect moment
asked her permission
to love her once again
it was granted

she will never love me back
but i don't care
because when i dream
it is of her and i together forever

that little shot
is enough to keep that dream alive
through the toughest times

to see that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
is all i need
adrenaline
dopamine

skinny and starved
stomach growling
calm down honey relax
you're like a scared cat

even the ones
who have been around awhile
the have no feedback to provide
it's pretty straightforward:
survive

you've been to the edge
with not much damage done
looking back with regrets?
better to have none

pick up the pace
light speed is way more fun
just be prepared to ask yourself
*what have i done?

our dream died
even i
the master of fantasy
couldn't keep it
alive
it needed to be nurtured
but you power fed
and it grew to
unhealthy proportions
a tumor that had to be burned off
deeply
so all the roots
are destroyed
and it will never grow back

I can't see you anymore
in this dimension
Being with you in public
draws too much attention
I'll warp speed
between
times we meet
a deep space pilot
Transporting illegal cargo
Secrets we can't let the empire
know
There's my wormhole
gotta go
i'm looking into your eyes
your whispering what i need
to hear our sweat intermingles
*galaxies disappear

I completed your customer feedback survey
circled all the 5's
hoping this will earn brownie points
and move me to the front of the line

I'm not like the other monsters
you are quite safe with me
even though you don't believe it
just give me a chance you'll see

even though i don't bring you cheesecakes
and filet mignons for your freezer
I always bring you my heart
a tiny black spec at the tip of a tweezer

If this is how you were taught to love
could I please meet your mother?
it is so sweet the blade rips sharp and warm
i always need another

and when you're bored and need your fun
you will ask how high to make me jump
be cautious when you reach out next time
you may pull back a stump

found a wildflower
all alone
on a plain barren and
desolate
drawn by it's brilliance
bent to caress it

reeled back in pain
as spikes pierced my skin
fingertips bleeding
warmth from within

beauty with fangs
designed for protection
perfectly adapted
natural selection

licking my wounds
pondering my next move
an antidote to her poison
must become immune

woke up in a cold sweat flashback
thought it was real for a second

the time you jumped into bed
from the shower
still wet

held me down
as the world fell away
you took me to that place

and i shivered there alone
in a cold sweat flashback

i'm tired of being everyone's punching bag
learning to defend against the left jab
can almost predict the back stab*

my tyrant boss so incompetent*
unable to lead

peers who feel the need
to boast of themselves
voracious egos to feed

as i receive a mere stipend
for my efforts sweat and bleed

i'm bailing from this race
far from your lecherous reach
i stashed away a nest egg
built a fishing hut on the beach

there with my marked comrades remain
away from your weakness and condescension
we will all have our day
when you are called to account for

your sins
beyond mention

she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her
yes sir

daddy doesn't want to show his face around
momma's spewing her scorn
What did I do to deserve that?
Get Born?

head like a matchstick
itching to hit the pipe
What did I do to deserve that?
Live Life?

Back bent can't get straight
spiraling out of control
What did I do to deserve that?
Grow Old?

Now you want me to assume the burden
of all mankind

Sorry I'm not sure we're aligned

yes sir
she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her

they all became numbers
with no distinctive features
it's how your brain learned
to differentiate creatures

kept a few hanging around
as long as they were able
a small collection of bulls
mulling in your stable

now even the stragglers gotta bail
i'm the last without fail
maybe the best curve fit
more than a digit

a quadratic equation
expressed exponentially
fading into infinity
a non linear *****
resembling lost hope

   reduced to a few  
secrets well kept:
parallel lines
never intercept

lived in the shadows
far too long
hiding from the truth
hating and believing
i was something i'm not
afraid of being discovered
a fraud
now the smoke has cleared
the flames now breath
licking and stinging
ashes now the mess i made
fearless and
ablaze

A Good Woman
Has many lessons
to teach a man:
Kindness
Compassion
Love
Patience
(For a man
who wants to learn)
Humility
Fear
Patience
Love
(For a man
that needs to learn)
A Good Woman
Can take me to school
*All day long

i don't know where you are
just need 2 words:

i'm ok

if i don't hear soon
2 words for you:

*stay beautiful

things haven't been going my way
for awhile now
so i'm letting it roll
see where it goes

not giving up the fight though
learned the hard way
to know when it's time
to give up control

the thing about pixies
that soon becomes clear
they tap into your instincts
playing on fear

the thing about pixies
they keep changing their needs
you are welcome to try
but impossible to please

the thing about pixies
they all carry guns
never to defend
only for fun

the thing about pixies
that soon becomes clear
you never know where they are
but sense when they are near

the thing about pixies
you soon realize
when you hold too tight
they vaporize

She said she came from Phoenix
her full back story she ain't tellin'
but she can't get a passport or firearm
so I'm guessing she's a convicted felon

she asked me if i had a room to spare
and offered to pay a small rent
that was six months ago
I haven't see a cent

I asked her to do some dishes
vacuum mow the lawn or any small chore
she said she's writing a song in her head
and can't handle much more

so now i have a live in maid
who doesn't clean or cook a meal
but i know one day she'll sing her song
and her wings will be revealed

she has this crazy tattoo
dynamic luminous brilliant
majestic octopodinae
chillin' in the sea

when she's ******
iridescent blue rings appear
all over the creature's body

that's so amazin'
i'd like to hear your story
sit right here next to me brother
it gets pretty gory

the story is my own
i must be predisposed
can't break the pattern
here's how it goes:

i was once swimming in a warm pool
the tide went out
i lost all my friends
i was so vulnerable exposed
strangers tried to get close
i lashed out at them
because i felt threatened
**now they're all dead

you mastered the art of
selling your goods
not a bargain to be had
that was understood
yes and they bought in bulk
like you knew they would

when you ran out of stock
they identified alternative suppliers
to pull out their fingernails
with needle nose pliers

supply and demand baby
straight up for all to see
you thought you had it handled
i told you to get a business degree

please don't kid yourself
your not unique
now stripped of your powers
twitch and tweak

as you come crawling back
seething in denial

take a load off

maybe stay
with me
awhile?

failed to yield
had to make a move
we collided in the middle*
you had something to prove

they couldn't separate us
even with hydraulics
fatally conjoined
locked at the lips

we were scared to be alone
so we endured great pain
never truly happy
suffering in vain

we both took a toll
decades in motion
i saw it in your eyes
you blocked all emotion

i don't have those skills
i must feel to live
you do what you need to
*i still have something to give

You told me the story
When you first met your Dad
You were 18
There was a note on a windshield
and a friend in between
It was the most intimate moment
You had ever shared with me
A moment to behold
I felt like I was there
watching it unfold
It is such an honor
to be a part of that
through your
eyes and
heart

please block my number
when i call to ask for help
you've always been there to save me
and because i'm so lazy
i never learned to help myself

fell down a rabbit hole for a need to explore
thought i hit bottom but found a trap door

so don't respond when i text wassup

this time you can't save me
with your emasculating and
unwavering enabling

so cut me from your cordelette length

for now i must find
my own strength

can't believe it held together
for awhile it was touch and go
pure perfect illusion of
complete control

no safe haven
and faith lacking
failure analysis revealed
severe stress cracking

on the other side now
somehow still whole
good ol' duct tape
*saved my soul

I have a little space my own
it's 10X10X6
i can only visit there a few hours a day
cause it's a really tight fit

how i arrived i couldn't say
the convenience of it was strange
on those cold rainy nights
she was a short walk away

she would meet me outside
where we blow a few bowls
then go upstairs
where i would give her my gold

Those moments so intense
Could they have been real?
Are we supposed to have this?
Are we allowed to feel?

I asked her this question directly
At least a hundred times
Sometimes she says of course it was baby
other times no you must have been high

i see your double dipping
from multiple straws your sipping
he's buying you mikey kors
as my texts are ignored

you know i'm a sucker
for secret victoria
34B mediums all day long
i'll get some more for ya
pulled pork sandwiches
with orange cream soda
yoga pants from lemon loulou
if it's just me and you
even though you spread the love
all over the PNW
when i gave you my extra key
it wasn't for a rendezvous
with you know who
and eat all my steaks
with your favorite fan base

it's true your double dipping
though i'm not tripping
but i think i'm done
contributing to your
*retirement fund

there's no documented history
save for my memory
of us ever
being together
trying to erase the tape
delete the database
stab it in the heart
with a stake
decapitate
watch as it squirms
in pain
but it won't go out this way
it can't be killed via
external devices alone
it has to die on it's own

firestorms raged
and spewed wretched fumes
of burning stucco
as their homes were consumed
Some stood strong
armed with a garden hose
to defend their legacy
The motels were overwhelmed with
displaced refugees
I wore a bandanna
on my face like a mask
rode my bike close to the fires
until I could smell the stench
of my bicycle tires
And drank Newcastles
until the smoke cleared

straight to the edge surpass light speed
full reverse thrusters
tractor beam

money exchanged
souls bought and sold
twist the tourniquet bleeding uncontrolled

satisfy thirst
bringin' the onslaught

don't know better
what they were taught

it's over now the good guys won
final scene moppin' up blood

surrender in droves
white flags wavin'

hands in the air
*these souls need savin'

scoffing at this world
rules and expectations
laws are for suckers
you never pay taxes

your a cash business
run by a ceo
with a libido
that never relaxes

listen to the voices
we pay for our choices
they beg to ask:
is your soul intact?

like random coordinates
punched into navigation
once a promising future
now an unknown destination

as of late
i have been maintaining sanity
organizing my addictions
compartmental-izingly
where you seem to fit
perfectly among my other
bad habits

i take you out
when i'm at my weakest
ridden with guilt and entitlement
i must admit
you are by far my worst habit

but to tell you the truth
you're getting a bit long in the tooth
so I'm gonna inhale a large bag
of gluten free quinoa brown rice
multi-grain tortilla chips
mix up a special batch
of sriracha and hummus
spicy avocado dip

outside of your bubble
the race runs at light speed
but you rejected this species
for the color they bleed

i tried to recruit you
thought you had the moxie
been in deep space too long
outcast by proxy

i asked you to touch down
Become one with fear
but your angle was flawed
came apart in the stratosphere

just wanted to be loved
you said it yourself
forever velveteen
alone on the shelf