i love hearing your lies
for their lack of ambiguity
i lap them up greedily
like ice cold water
from a mountain spring

i love hearing your lies
while i despise them utterly
inhaling them deeply
holding them in my lungs
until i choke

i love hearing your lies
for they are truth to me
i keep them in a locked cell
in the dark corner of my mind
23 hours a day

i love hearing your lies
for which i pay dearly
maybe if you keep saying them
they'll become reality

can't believe it held together
for awhile it was touch and go
pure perfect illusion of
complete control

no safe haven
and faith lacking
failure analysis revealed
severe stress cracking

on the other side now
somehow still whole
good ol' duct tape
*saved my soul

A Good Woman
Has many lessons
to teach a man:
Kindness
Compassion
Love
Patience
(For a man
who wants to learn)
Humility
Fear
Patience
Love
(For a man
that needs to learn)
A Good Woman
Can take me to school
*All day long

straight to the edge surpass light speed
full reverse thrusters
tractor beam

money exchanged
souls bought and sold
twist the tourniquet bleeding uncontrolled

satisfy thirst
bringin' the onslaught

don't know better
what they were taught

it's over now the good guys won
final scene moppin' up blood

surrender in droves
white flags wavin'

hands in the air
*these souls need savin'

found a wildflower
all alone
on a plain barren and
desolate
drawn by it's brilliance
bent to caress it

reeled back in pain
as spikes pierced my skin
fingertips bleeding
warmth from within

beauty with fangs
designed for protection
perfectly adapted
natural selection

licking my wounds
pondering my next move
an antidote to her poison
must become immune

My armor was scarred:
battle-proven;
impermeable burden.
It was fabricated by
generations of
Hard-core Sicilians.
Provided by birthright
to defend against
our own weakness.
The day came for me
to lay down my armor-
I obeyed my master-
still a warrior but
so much faster-

for now
I yield
*sword and shield

let you slip away
freedom now for my mind
you said selfish
i think kind

allowed to run a course
take a shape of it's own
then reality crept in
and our cover was blown

i still have your gifts to me
they are perfect illusion
sweet memories
of pure delusion

I was so happy for you
When you finally walked out the door
It was clear to me I was dragging you down
Now look at you soar

As you float in the stratosphere
And look down upon the collective
Please consider the start of your journey
A reference for perspective

I loved our time
before your demise
it was innocent and pure
more than we could endure
you would jump in my arms
wrap your legs around my waist
as I inhaled deeply
khali mist all I taste
I stayed in Seattle for you
left everything I knew
then our contract ended
and you chose not to renew
there was a glorious moment
trapped in your
thicket
thorns digging in deep
welcoming it
as I succumbed
peace overcame
I realized
I never
loved
myself
until
I
loved
you.

where i long to be
a comforting familiarity
once again behind the 8
do the shadows dissipate?
close my eyes blind
fingertips travelling
the contours of your body
despite my tiny mind
beyond tire
until my passport expires
this isn't where i should be
an illusion of clarity
do i smell fear?
get behind the 8
threshold moments
determine fate

I want you to think
your in total control
As I witness your
belief in the
delusion
You've convinced
Yourself
You're pulling
the strings
In fact
It's a perfect illusion
I'm bending your will
With my brain
And in your mind
your believing
the same
But ask yourself
if you think
i'm that that weak
and if in me that's
what you saw-
Here's a big fat juicy
clue to the truth:
*That's your fatal flaw

tried to say goodbye
so many times
rehearsing the lines
defensive reflex
it's for the best
time to move on
but the bones in my back
shudder and crack
at the thought of you gone

missing those moments
mourning their loss
when i held my breath
in between chaos

time is standing still
i'm bending it's will
until you command me
to breathe in deeply

it's a lie i suspect
designed to protect
but it's all i have
so i gratefully accept

you can't take it back
what you gave me
it's mine forever

you don't want it anyway
have no respect for it
just give it away freely

i keep it cherished
warm and safe
even if you don't

i will guard and
defend it's sanctity
with my last breath

even from you

i have chronic fatigue
seems like forever
i can't waste my energy
on just any endeavor
but when we get to
intermingling
my extremities begin
a tingling
muscle memory
takes control
forgive the past
and free your soul
so let's get buzzed
help with my dilemma
bring your red suitcase
let's tingle forever

there's no documented history
save for my memory
of us ever
being together
trying to erase the tape
delete the database
stab it in the heart
with a stake
decapitate
watch as it squirms
in pain
but it won't go out this way
it can't be killed via
external devices alone
it has to die on it's own

woke up in a cold sweat flashback
thought it was real for a second

the time you jumped into bed
from the shower
still wet

held me down
as the world fell away
you took me to that place

and i shivered there alone
in a cold sweat flashback

fell to earth came apart in the stratosphere
been searching for the wreckage many years

don’t resent me i know it seems like forever
sifting through sand a painstaking endeavor

came in so hot i hope there’s something left
If His angel stolen will revenge this theft

smell the burning rubber hole in the ozone
feet first destination unknown

as of late
i have been maintaining sanity
organizing my addictions
compartmental-izingly
where you seem to fit
perfectly among my other
bad habits

i take you out
when i'm at my weakest
ridden with guilt and entitlement
i must admit
you are by far my worst habit

but to tell you the truth
you're getting a bit long in the tooth
so I'm gonna inhale a large bag
of gluten free quinoa brown rice
multi-grain tortilla chips
mix up a special batch
of sriracha and hummus
spicy avocado dip

things haven't been going my way
for awhile now
so i'm letting it roll
see where it goes

not giving up the fight though
learned the hard way
to know when it's time
to give up control

The night you fell asleep in my arms
by 4 am you were long gone
burning up and shuddering in the night
a violent battle raging on

I held on tight listening to every mumbled curse
projecting images of your past
I need to meet those demons you locked horns with last night
after the wormhole collapsed

she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her
yes sir

daddy doesn't want to show his face around
momma's spewing her scorn
What did I do to deserve that?
Get Born?

head like a matchstick
itching to hit the pipe
What did I do to deserve that?
Live Life?

Back bent can't get straight
spiraling out of control
What did I do to deserve that?
Grow Old?

Now you want me to assume the burden
of all mankind

Sorry I'm not sure we're aligned

yes sir
she's gonna get them all back
for what they did to her

I completed your customer feedback survey
circled all the 5's
hoping this will earn brownie points
and move me to the front of the line

I'm not like the other monsters
you are quite safe with me
even though you don't believe it
just give me a chance you'll see

even though i don't bring you cheesecakes
and filet mignons for your freezer
I always bring you my heart
a tiny black spec at the tip of a tweezer

If this is how you were taught to love
could I please meet your mother?
it is so sweet the blade rips sharp and warm
i always need another

and when you're bored and need your fun
you will ask how high to make me jump
be cautious when you reach out next time
you may pull back a stump

love your sense of humor
when you say you're sorry
for torment
you don't act like you care
but i'm sure that's what you meant
it's more of a haunting
to depict accurately
a ghost hiding in the shadows
a shell of what used to be
your red suitcase is packed
constant state of readiness
waiting for your day
in the sun
it will come
we all have
one

No one ever comes down my road
they don't even know it exists
so well camouflaged
not on gps

I know how to blend into my surroundings
developing the skill set
from many years of being beat down
constantly a target

If you squint hard enough you may catch a glimpse
while you look through the trees
I can see you perfectly
but you can't see me

said goodbye in a dream
so there you can no longer haunt
although we will never be
i have a better idea of what i want

i'll be standing by
but not holding my breath
got a gut feeling
it will come when least expected

learned to watch for traps
the like i've never known
hard lessons gleaned
while worshipping at your throne

scoffing at this world
rules and expectations
laws are for suckers
you never pay taxes

your a cash business
run by a ceo
with a libido
that never relaxes

listen to the voices
we pay for our choices
they beg to ask:
is your soul intact?

like random coordinates
punched into navigation
once a promising future
now an unknown destination

you're a badass
but i'll take you on
my physical endurance *****
but i take mental pain all day long

ask for an ultimatum
one i can't deliver
understand who you're dealing with
i'm a taker not a giver

i don't believe in failure
it doesn't exist to me
i have nothing to lose
but another
development opportunity

I dug a hole
to fill it in
and dig again
I dig my holes
Deep and wide
To fit your promises
Inside
The ones that died
You told me
In room 216
Comfort Inn
I was your trick
you were my sin
We lied to each other
Things I can't say
As my debit card was abused
by the ATM across
the way

i see your double dipping
from multiple straws your sipping
he's buying you mikey kors
as my texts are ignored

you know i'm a sucker
for secret victoria
34B mediums all day long
i'll get some more for ya
pulled pork sandwiches
with orange cream soda
yoga pants from lemon loulou
if it's just me and you
even though you spread the love
all over the PNW
when i gave you my extra key
it wasn't for a rendezvous
with you know who
and eat all my steaks
with your favorite fan base

it's true your double dipping
though i'm not tripping
but i think i'm done
contributing to your
*retirement fund

you were at once, both
cure for all that ailed
and ultimate destruction
my coffins last nail

you lived, didn't exist
in a conventional sense
when i caught you in the act
guilty of innocence

always, never
loyal and true
this can't be fixed
with duct tape
and crazy glue

all i ever needed
but so much more
until you asked me to stay
then showed me the door

up all night
loud music playing
Nervous laughter with friends
Not real
Life in a box
Robbed of her childhood
The baby cries
house arrest
Couldn't break the cycle

I've seen enough
Their stories are told on their faces
You can only take so much before the weak break
Or you just accept your fate