Poem- To the past & present

Hanging from the shame
Of my privileged supremisist height
Choking on the knowledge
That until now
I didn't fight

Eyes silenced hard
From systemic white view
All lives don't matter
Until your lives matter too

A product of white history
I wish I could reverse
Where all mankind are equal
For real not just in verse

Anger and great shame
come banging on my soul
Prejudiced leden centuries
and inhumane forms of control

I promise from today
Your fight becomes my fight too
I pray you'll accept from my heart
This apology to you..........

-  I am sorry
I am sorry on behalf of my ancestors and the part of history that affects you.
I am sorry for any part I may have played through being only Non-racist instead of Anti-racist.
I am sorry that I didn't educate myself earlier.
I am sorry that it has taken yet another death, for me to stand up and fight.
I have always shot down racism with my words, but I have failed to completely understand it.
For these and more that I still have to learn, I am sorry.

The love effect

Open your arms
And with no fear
Give that person a hug
And tell them you appreciate them
Even if they don't reciprocate
Weaken the cement in your self made wall
Breakdown your stubborn barriers

Love breads love
That person somehow, somewhere deep down
Will feel a little joy from your gesture
They might manifest this joy
And give that same gesture to someone else
And thus it continues
Love spreads love

Your love may not be returned
from the one to which you gave
But the giving of unconditional love
will attract love back to you in ways
you won't believe
Overcome the awkwardness
Overcome the fear of rejection
And give out love

So go ahead
Tell that person that you love them or appreciate them
or you're grateful for them,
or all three
and more......
And wait as the ripple effect takes place
And waves of love will eventually be returned to you.

Love is magic
It breaks down barriers
It heals scars and wounds
It can end all feuds
You can be a part of this today

Open your arms
And with no fear
Give that person a hug.....

There was a dead spider in my sink
I have arachnophobia so it made my heart stop
I just stood there
Blood drained from me
Looking at this lost life
Wondering if it had a partner
Or little spider kids
That would miss it

I felt sad
Yet still scared
Ridiculous really
Maybe it was a female out searching for food
Or maybe she'd eaten her male donor
Maybe it was a him
And he'd run away to save himself.

It was under the dish bowl
I wondered if it had drowned
Or just starved to death
I found myself curious as to what it last thought about
If it was able to speak
What it's last words would have been

Maybe it was relieved
Maybe drowning is better than being eaten alive by an unthankful lover
Or by being captured in my humane catcher which sadly often broke legs
Maybe it just simply thought "Help"

I'll never know
But I do know I'll think about him or her until I think of them no more
Which might be months

Theres a place in hell
for people like you
But not the hell that some
believe to be true
The hell they think of
is full of desire
Dark angels of lust
And ****** in fire

No this is a hell
You truly deserve
Chained to your past
And the hurt that you served
Cause your ego was ******
And you couldn't decide
If the lies that you told
We're wrong or where right

People like you should be burried alive
With only your guilt and the secrets you hide
You deserve to die with your heart molten black
With only your sin
And the clothes on your back

If I was a god and you came to me true
With reasons, excuses for all that you do
I'd laugh in your face and spit on your feet
And pray with my soul that the devil you meet

You think you're the devil?
You have no idea
The devil throws parties you wouldn't go near
The devil I've talked with a couple of times
Your not even close
You wouldn't survive

So continue to be, a **** if you must
But you're being watched
You are vile
You disgust
Close your eyes to the pain
That you made to be true
But know
Really know
That pain will **** you.

Reading Vonnegut

I'm reading Vonnegut
I'm tired
Had to look up three words
In three pages
The app wanted more money
To view the words
In a sentence
I don't have the money

So the sentances remain
Unknown  
I long to be more like Kurt
I dream intense
Repetitive dreams
My pen in my hand
Thoughts profound
I reside inside his followers
I want to go to a party

And quote meaningful texts
I want to join that society
'Catachresis'
Now there's a word for me
The writer inside me
Is trapped
Uncultured

Behind failed education
Inside a broken mind
Desperate to find those words
To explain my thoughts
Which are deep and saturated of
Feeling..... No one will hear me
My emotions frozen

Those three words
In three pages
Already evaporated
I have another four words now
Four more to research
Four more to skim my brain
To mock my intelligence
The app wants more money

I'm reading vonnegut
And I'm tired

Remember when you were young

And the pavement smelt so sweet after the summer rain
Remember the golden fields behind your best friends house
The corn cuts and grass stains on tiny legs  remember never complaining of pain

The farmers ponds and bluebells a plenty
Empty fishing nets and happy, gapped teeth smiles
Dragonflies chasing butterflies and faces towards the sun
Remember ice creams and cider pops
And always having fun

Remember grazed knees and quickly dried tears
Handstands on garden walls,
sunflowers, and cartwheels,
Soft grass underfoot
remember no fears

Water fights and mosquito flights against the setting sun
With muddy shoes, broken bikes, fizzy sweets
Climbing to dizzy heights

The smell and love for your favourite tree
Above the brook where you'd swing and feel ........completely free
Those days there was no way that you wanted to go home
Sit indoors
Didn't own a phone

Dinner time came just as your tummy began to chatter
And you'd cycle home, broken chain, ***** clothes,
Didn't matter
Tomorrow's adventures already lay awaiting
As you'd lie in bed
Fall softly to sleep
Always dreaming
Always creating

Remember when you were young