tu nombre
i've whispered it into the night
a million times
i've tasted it in mi boca
like honey, slow and sweet
tu nombre
lo sabe la luna
i've sung it to the stars
to my heart
like a lullaby to calm the sea dentro de mí
tu nombre
lo llevo tatuado en los labios
en cada espacio
tu nombre
i've said it like a prayer
lo he llorado
se lo he cantado al alma
hoping it finds peace
tu nombre
is in todas las cosas
está en everything
en el verano
and its rain
in spring y las flores.
tu nombre
todo. everything.

I’m sorry.
It is me.
But it’s not.
It’s paranoia.
It’s fear.
But it’s mine.

I’m scared I’m doing too much.
Too little.
Trying too hard.
Not enough.
Not giving you space.
Giving too much.

So I’ll stop.
I’ll let you decide.
Maybe I won’t be paranoid.
I probably will.
But if you don’t want me around
I can disappear.

Set free my heart
And let me **** my reason
Once in a while

i
am
trying.

I am scared of taking a bath
Because I’m afraid I will slip under
And drown myself

I am scared of driving a car
Because I’m afraid I will veer off the road
And crash at full force

I am scared of cooking with a knife
Because I’m afraid I will lose control
And slice it across my wrist

I am scared of taking pills when I’m sick
Because I’m afraid I will get tempted
And swallow the whole bottle

I am scared of being near a gun
Because I’m afraid I will point it to my head
And fire it through my brain

I am scared of everyday things
And afraid of trusting myself

I am scared of the world
And afraid I can’t take it any longer

I am scared of myself
And afraid of what I will do

You promised me forever
even in a life that is temporary
and you broke two things with one word.
“Bye”

We try so hard for a life that’s good
Until we’re all numb.
Until we have been hurt so much that we
say we’re fine.
Until we look into the mirror and see all the good things that we are not
instead of seeing the good things that we are.
Until we’re all too blind to past all the lies that society shows.
Until the light runs out leaving all of us in the dark, with
nothing to say or do except lay there and
look up at the thousands of stars of the cold and bitter night and
one day eventually fall asleep.
Until that icy glacier covering your heart freezes more.
Until we take a breath in and can’t let it out because
everytime that you let someone go
it hurts and you know you possibly can’t let go another.
Until someone can’t grab you and
hold you tight like an anchor to reality.
So promise me you won’t break my heart again
even though I know you will.

                            ~n.r.