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Mia Kay James Feb 2017
I was a new paintbrush.
In the beginning, there was so much potential in his promises.
He was to create alluring artwork from my bristles,
vowing beautiful blues and pleasant pinks would tickle me
and yet the memories of baneful, bitter blacks darken my mind.
When artwork went wrong, I was to blame,
slammed against the wall and used to stab canvases,
he took his anger out on me.
He splintered me and broke me,
yet I am still held accountable for his wrongful accusations.
My only hope was that he would clean up his chaotic mess
but my bristles are stiff and stained with snapshots of
his haphazard hand wrapped around my neck.
I am a used paintbrush.
Abusive relationships are difficult to recover from.
Mia Kay James Jan 2017
How does one explain what
love feels like?
Drowning in overdosed emotions
of infatuation and heartbreak.
Deafening embarrassment
reminds eyes to cry
when hearts on sleeves are rejected.
Despair is felt for feeling the loss
that was never mine to begin with.
My world turns upside down
but all seems well between each
shaky, weeping breath.
I could die happily
if he’d just let me taste his lips.
Mia Kay James Jan 2017
poetry
used to rush out of me
like raging angry tides
but now that
my demons are sleeping
i cannot seem to remember
how to write
Am I only able to write when my heart is shattered?
Mia Kay James Jan 2017
How does one describe something that has so much more meaning than anything there has ever been?
I am not able to have one underlying emotion for art.
I am not sure there even is one emotion that i have not faced when
I make, take in, or feel some type of art.
It is everything to me.
"Art is the only way to run away without leaving home."
When I make any piece of artwork, it takes me away,
and I have never had that feeling other than when
I have a paintbrush or pencil between my fingers.
When i need to stop my own little world and get away from everything, I make something.
Art seems to be the only form of communication
I desire to use when showing emotions.
I get anxiety when i have to show so much vulnerability as to do something as simple as /talking/ to someone about my problems.
If I could just show someone my artwork instead of speak,
I would choose that any day.
"She is delightfully chaotic;
a beautiful mess.
Loving her has been a splendid adventure."
I guess in some ways i see art as a person.
The only true love I have ever really felt would be with art.
I have been hurt many times and I have always
turned to art because of it.
Shes always been there for me,
while others have let me down time after time again.
Yet she waits there patiently everyday
until I pick up the sketchbook
and draw.
Found this poem I wrote back in 2013.
Mia Kay James Jan 2017
When I was younger
people told me
I had potential surging
through my veins
and at the age of thirteen
I started using a razor
to help me see what they saw.
Mia Kay James Nov 2016
Person #1:
My oddness correlates with your oddness, and it's the most unusual sense of 'home' that I've ever felt.
Because of it, I've found myself quite content when we are in the same room together.
Saying my 'heart skips a beat' when you talk to me sounds so cliché,
but it seems to be true.
I wish I could tell you this in a way that wouldn't make you unsettled,
but alas,
my anxiety tells me you'll be uncomfortable with it no matter how I say it, so
I'll just write it here for now.

Person # 2:
You are a work of art;
are you aware of that?
Your whole aura leaves me
perplexed yet intrigued.
Somehow you are the definition of grace, but in the most unhinged way.
When you look at me,
I feel as though I matter in the world, though your whole personality screams anathema.
You are just a work of art,
and someday I hope to understand every part of you.
Because we are not very close,
it seems odd to tell you this face-to-face. That is why these words will just stay here for the time being.

Person # 3:
My God,
where did we go?
Things were so lovely back in the day,
but everything crumpled before our eyes. When I used to look at you,
I saw hope and someone worth my time. Now when I see you,
I honestly become nauseous.
I am well aware that some of it is my fault- but it's my fault because
I didn't stand up for myself sooner.
Why did it take so long for me to see
how shallow your thoughts really are?
All you were was collateral damage,
and after all this time,
it still affects me,
and it sickens me how
petty I appear to myself.
I don't tell you this because we don't speak, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Speaking is difficult for me. Writing isn't.
Mia Kay James Nov 2016
If I could use every breath I have to make you believe your worth,
then I would happily choke
to see you smile.
I'm sorry the only time you remember human contact was when you were being hit by your father.
I'm sorry that girl broke your heart and blamed everything on you.
You did nothing wrong, it was them.
You are not the bruises that marked your body as a child
or the pain that you look at in the mirror.
You are the laugh that escapes my lips when you make those god-awful jokes.
You are the skipped beat of my heart when you walk through the room.
You are all of your own emotions- overwhelming, deafening emotions that scream through the clouds with confidence.
You are the ******* sun on my cloudy-*** day.
I am sick and tired of you seeing yourself as such a mess, when all I see is hope, and laughter, and everything I've always wanted.
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