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 Dec 2017 Eleanor
kas
this is how it happens
it's the last day the temperature will be
above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit
until February
you're not looking at the date
it's just the end of November
the middle of the night in the middle of a road
at the end of November
the hum of this small town hurts your ears
you're stuck in a dream where everything you see
turns into a weapon
this is how it happens
you knocked back sharp, amber liquid
to make this place feel a little more okay
and it only worked halfway
no matter how soft the edges are
you bruise your hips when you
run into them in the dark
you're ******* on your fourth cigarette when
a police officer pulls over and asks
how you're doing today
in the too-bright white of the headlights
the sick taste of Red Stag sticks to
the roof of your mouth
the mouth that you're moving into a smile
the mouth exhaling plumes of smoke at the ground
you're okay
"i'm okay."
you don't tell him what you're really doing
you're really taking all of your
thoughts about stopping your pulse for a walk
you don't tell him you've been
chasing ambulances all night long
please, officer don't leave me alone, you don't say
he tells you to have a good night and drives away
and this is how it happens
the moon smiles at you with every single one
of its tiny, sharp teeth
nobody but your cat finds you in that bathtub
nobody but your cat watches you rise from red water
watches it drip drip drip
from every chasm carved in your left arm
nobody but your cat saw the soft animal of your soul
shiver from the cold that day
it's the first day the temperature
dropped below
thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit inside your chest
based on true events
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
Nylee
my pick
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
Nylee
If I have a choice to be happy
 at every chance I get
                        why do I always pick to be sad?
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
Closed Doors
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
You're lucky to have a family, how could you say you're not
People don't have a family like yours, your parents are still together - what do you have to complain about
You should be happy to have a sister, I would **** to have a sister
Life is different behind closed doors
You see a happy family out in the streets but you don't know what happens at home, when the doors are closed, when it's night and everyone comes home
I have family yes, but is it a good family? Is it a family that I would want to spend time with?
No
Don't assume my life is perfect
Don't assume that I get everything that I want
My family is complicated and no one wants to know what happens behind closed doors
Once you say you can't take it back
What happened to your wrist? Nothing, don't worry
Why do you have bruises on your arms and legs? I fell
These are the typical responses I give when something happens at home
You look tired, have you been getting enough sleep?
How could I sleep when my mind is always on and there are fights
No one knows what happens behind closed doors.
Everyone has secrets regarding their family and that no one is perfect.
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
Questions
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
There are so many questions in life
Questions that aren't that important like what should I wear? or what should I do with my hair?
Questions that are important like should I take my life? or should I just continue to live my life like this?
But all questions have answers
Answers you like and answers you don't
You are told that you have to go to all your appointments, to show that you are changing and getting better
You lie about everything to prove to them
It feels like you're a broken record because you have to start from the beginning
You lose hope, until you find one new person and you don't hate this person
You start to think that everything is turning around
Then bad news struck again and you can't see this person anymore
You're back at square one and you're worse than ever
The question is now WHAT'S THE POINT?
You believe there is no point
A friend tells you to not give up
You try hard
You try to stay strong and to stay clean
You've lasted longer then ever before but that thought of accomplishment is gone
Now was it worth what you did?
I was in a bad spot on the 22.11.17 and I wrote this
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
Untitled
 Dec 2017 Eleanor
SL
Crunch, crunch, crunch
The sound of people eating
Makes me sad because I know I can't enjoy it
Looking around at everyone's plate then looking at mine
I see nothing but an empty plate
Everything looks so amazing but I can't build up the courage to try anything
There is a voice inside my mind telling me not to eat, you don't need it because you're stronger then them.
Gulp, Gulp, Gulp
The sound of people drinking
I wish I could try the drinks available
But I've lasted this long and to end the streak now would make everything I've done for nothing
Cling
The sound of everyone finished
Everyone talks about how good the food was then everyone looks at me
They ask me why I didn't have anything
I have no logical reason
I've taken the light away from the birthday girl
It's her 18th birthday and now it's about me
I'm a horrible person
True story, I am not even close to recovered. This happened when I came out of hospital. Sort of a bad poem.
He holds a pen in one hand
His heart in another
The vessel of precious blood still beating
Dripping sweetly, carelessly on the weathered and worn parchment of his life
The stain a hypnotizing hue,
Slowly as surely the man puts forth his pen
And from the dribble of ink a word is formed
The word ,,, a ghastly form
The sorts of laughter in a funeral
The mighty mask of conscious preparation
Escapes him, no wit to be found,
And the world is his audience
Afraid and unaware
He strikes the word from meaning
No clever story to resolve the conflict
No victory toast no victor song,
The man once was held his heart
In hand
And all he wrote was FEAR
Drunk and trying my hand at intoxicated poetry, hope you enjoy,
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