To you, her future lover
I plead this simple song
of blessings I thought of
when she's not mine anymore
because someday she won't be
the angel I loved to gaze at
she will choose someone over me
and I will give her the freedom
as I promised to her now
She doesn't deserve to be tied
as she is a free woman

when you hold her hand in public
do it tightly, she loves the warmth
unlike me, you'll get to embrace her
you can show the world she is loved
tell her she is beautiful
fade her insecurities away
and please treat her gently
as she has a fragile heart
I won't see her future children
I'm sure they'd be as pretty as her

if she looks for me as I'm far away
tell her I had to leave
to set her free of my touch
I love her so much
please tell her I do
don't worry as I'd never bother you two

I'm talking so humbly
in this rainy night
because I was her lover
but her very best friend first

I'm in a swinging chair thinking
of the path I have taken
the guilt that never visited
and the wish to feel greed
I am here singing, the silence I had within
then the wind started humming
of another rhythmic gem
it tells me "hello, I am missing you"
slowly. painted the smile I'm lacking

Finally, everything is ending
finally, I don't think of dying
there are three kinds of treetops
I've been eager to climb
now it's all down to one
because the wind started humming
of another melody
it tells me "hello, you made it through"
"I am proud of you."

I held my sorrows low,
now I'm tearing up the snow
the cold voice I have totted
have now relieved my pain
of the duty of darkness
that I will never forget
when she visits me again
it's a friend in homecoming

Till we meet again
my darkest dreams.

Sometimes
just sometimes
I get a little crazy
I'd haha with laughter
then scream tears
when they mock me

but no, it is a spring leaf
when the summer is at bloom
a snowflake in winter
when it is still June

not normal
but pretty
like my love for the moon
not normal
but cherished
like mon chèri
the dawn

they don't know
my people, them
inside my head
my insane is not vain
their normal is in flames

HaHa HaHa
let the melody
begin.

but then
my sudden fantasies are myths
in horror and in blink of a mare
knowing one day I'll wake up
and it's real
that you will leave me
to love somebody else

as early as now
I'm mending this heartbreak
with a silent wish at heart
that you might stay
that forever do exist
in this lifetime
and that you will love me real
till our time fades

Stabilize me
they think I'm going crazy

Who?
the people
who are they

The shadows in the light
you'll see them spark alight
and they whisper
Oh they do
in many crowds of one

Hahahahahaha
Stabilize me
my mind is way beyond

A metal bar
bullets rang
blackout
,
blood

deficits on me

My coffee candy was melting
as I wait in a wooden swing
the green grass of this meadow
outnumbered blue skies in my days

Birds started humming
my eyes closed to take it in
I breathed a heavy feeling
opened my eyes, sinned and grieved

Then you are there
standing, waiting
telling me it will be safe
stretching your hand
you are my calling

The only sanity
that I have left

I do not ask, you see
I'm fine with the small things
I do not cry, you see
Even if
it weakens my strengths
I would not demand, you see
because I know
I'm not worth it

but I hurt too
I hope you see
I feel it
when you hate me

This is one corner
lifting this heavy lids
churning stomach in knots
eyes in teared up bliss
with this she will be stronger
in this I'll be brave
both of us in little laughter
my culture do not farewell bid

I will miss you
So much

Let us part with happy melodies
paint your smile for me
I remember our last image
and your warmth is memories
do not shed tear, oh sweetheart
we will look forward to months
i'll embrace you with such happiness
our goodbyes won't forever last

I will be missing you.
So much.

I cannot stare straight at your eyes
When we talk in small distance, I keep looking afar
Walking in empty streets, my vision is distant
Did you ever ask me why? Maybe, maybe not

I find you too beautiful, I find you too good
That if I stare a little longer, I'd give away the groove
That my eyes might daub you and  never get to look
I might get fond of these scenery, knowing the time is short

I find you like a masterpiece, I'd like to keep it cool
In the small time I dye your image, to not misunderstood
That though what I do is not the custom, I'll live by the mood
In my head you'll keep steady, the you that I'd yearn for

You'd hate the guts that wrote this
And you'd hate the person too
But I don't regret to have told you
You'll always deserve the truth

Now is the seventh
The day for simple hugs
simple laughs, tears, confessions
the day for simple love

The day I thought it was over
I collided with blue-red lights
fear and happiness ****** me in
but I had you in my arms

Do you think about the seventh?
when I am forgotten
and you go far
I'll be the stardust for the nights

Maybe people will think pretty
for me you are the gem
even if everyone thinks me badly
you will always stay my gem

Show me love in this seventh
the day I found the one
when the closeness became romance
when I kissed my love goodnight.

And then you asked
what if I fall for you?
I was immobilized, thinking
what if you did?
I will hurt  you with my words
not because I mean them
but because I'm ill
and I hate to see you crying
because of my belittled deficits
I'm scared to know you're falling
even when I'm happiest

What if you already fell?
I am no Romeo, or, a warrior
but I will fight myself for you
I'm sorry when I'll hurt you
Just know, it will hurt me too
I care for you my bunny
so deep, there is no end
I'll swim in this filled tunnel
of what will happen next

She is. I want her
my lovely lullaby
that her smile was that of a flower
when the mist of cold arise
frozen yet in contact
with the coolness and the warmth

Her. I'd want her
even when I come to be blind
bound in too much brightness
like the rays beyond the sun
she will be the shadow
I'll see through the light

My woman. I need her
that the clocks will tick forever
when we have limited time
still, I'll be waiting in some ways
in the future
she be mine

I knew of it, of course
when you decided I lose touch
then treat me like a mock
you used to befriend and such
then one morning you were gone

I knew of it, of course
but the hurt be fixed repeat
when disgust was in your eyes
in your voice a shameful scoff
I bled then patched it up
but desired you didn't laugh

a joke was made of me
your friends were insanity
I knew you liked to bleed
I knew of it
of course

it's a burning sting
in my head, like ticking thing
but not a bomb
it hurts so much
oh god im done
i'd rather cut and bleed it out
it hurts, but none
inside it pains
i am in stings
get a bullet, please
give me gun to die
let it stop
end it all
please, i want it done

you wanted me to hate you
when you know
It's your comfort that I seek
now in my hands, this small pebbles
will be given to your name

though I was not a bluebird
and I cannot sing your pretty hymns
me, the little parakeet
I cared for you so deep

i am thinking
is it true
that the sky
will cry for you
when you call
and no one's there
is it true
the winds appear
and they sing-song
of the tale
of a lone girl
who's in despair

i am listening
is it true
when you say
i'm here for you

Let me stare at you, Beautiful
In my head will play this song
About the bluebird by the window
And the calm beneath the storm
Is it okay that I do not speak?
That I go silent, a moment quick
If you knew, you might resent me
Down my eyes will lowly yield

I am staring at you, Sweetness
Someday I'd apologize for it, knowing
That the red in your sweatshirt
Is the color of your pain
And yet I see you in darkness
Like the Miss in summer rain
That you delusion of many crowds
Yet no one, catches your gaze

I liked to stare at you, Lady
Even if my vision's stained
And I know the conseqcuences
So, I try to be in veil
I also know that in your daydream
You are someone might and great
And you are, yes you are
But when you face me, then you look
Why is your eyes in hidden throe?

I do not like you, no
Because you killed an alter ego
Who did not want you any harm
An ego who is driven
By writing your simple charms
And you, I do not know
Why you decided that he's done
Because you feel too important?
Or feel your worth's not much

How are you now
My old stranger
Do you like to think divine?
I have worked my way into freedom
But my pen slowly succumbed
Did the things you love ignore you?
When you told them you'd be gone
I could've wrote for you, sweetness
But I'd be nowhere to be found.

Yesterday, I saw her stroll
with that melancholy
she masked with gold
Outcasted. That's what she thought
it's what she blames for being choked
Unconsciously she bolted fast
to the secret house where no pain lasts.

This is a purple moment
With the sky bare-skinned white
Once was a boy with the straw hat
His story be told aloud,

One upon in a day-end
Decided to sit and watched
The sunset in a purple up-ground
In the cliff by the immense pond
It stretched into wonders
The distance by the miles
His eyes failed to hold it closer
"When I grow, I'll see beyond"
And he did became a little older
I assumed, he would further watch

What did I expect? He is only human
And this world has different lights
Now he sees the darker version
That the pond now matters not
For he won't look beyond the sunset
And not to the promise land
The boy now wanted freedom
So he sailed, never came back.

You have degraded, I was told
I hadn't a chance to stop my thinking
on why it sounded odd
because I write like imaginary
objects I coloured with mud
and nobody understands my writing
no one wanted to read my rhymes
so I tried my best to settle
to simplify my lines
now I am negated for degrading
shouldn't I be given a bit
just a little bit of compassion
for the small me to believe
I only tried to make people
to emphathize my pain

Seaweeds tied my two feet into the bark of ocean tree
Looked up to see my shuttle-ship turned to skeletal remains
with rainbow fishes within

And in my right a troupe of turtles  
murmuring with sea water hymns
And I heard the odd looking mermaids
as they recite my lousy poems of grief

This is a tale but I am not a fairy, not a princess nor a lady
When in reality I cannot swim
And the sands by the oceans are made of rough gravel seeds
I have ****** scratches all over as I watched a sunset--no sun in it

Out of all my shortcomings
I have in me a bruised distorted  "geest"
And it coloured the gravels white, purple to the sunless sky
My feet imagined its wings
and I'm in this dreamless deep brine

My bedroom is a trunk
walled by wood and cement box
This small space is where I sat
from the morning through the night
Sometimes it becomes the beach
and the ocean is what I see
And other times it is all happy
the scenery is something free
But most of the time it is just me
and the color is darker grey
All I see is past mistakes
A blank future that has no end
Have you seen a room of hate?
it's cold but burns
It burns the care

Suicide this, suicide that
all I hear is how they know it
how much knowledge they can tell
because they have the purpose to say it
and their commentaries of hate

Did you know?
Do you know?
How it felt when the voices
when their words are on repeat
and my soul made up of paper
is scribbled by ***** names

When the darkeness is my lover
and it embraces me with hate
no place to run to
no person to care
All I could do is be in a corner
I sat and rocked myself to sleep
hoping the scary lullabies
will give me a little peace

It hurts. Did you know
My head hurts with all I'm thinking
and my resolve is frozen in
I was touched by coldness of a monster
but I found a warmth instead
for it gave me a little vision
that everything will end

That is suicide, it is self-free
a one way road to run to
if the void inside ablaze
and yes, maybe it is selfish
but let me think and breathe
for many years I have been fighting
don't I have a right to wish?
for all the pain to be over
for a freedom to embrace

Did you know?
Do you know?
Suicide this, suicide that
Stop. Stop your happy endings
there is no cure to my self-hate

I thought it was me,
when the contours of your brows lifted in muse
hazel eyes that grow lighter when it connects to mine
with the turquoise colour, you intendendly chose
the clothes fitted you, like nobody else can wore
you see, the gazes you gave comforted me
and it gave me the boost
I felt a little bit attractive, had a little worth
with enthusiasm I look forward to the day once a week
where I get to stare at you senseless, daydream like a spell

I thought it was me,
but one day my waiting abruptly ended
and there is no place for me to stare
I stick around lonely hallways
just to see your pretty face
nobody told me the story
no one intends to care
till I found out one Monday morning
that you eventually left

No, I am not broken hearted
I did not like you that way
I just felt a little weightless
to know the truth awaits
that the fancy gazes you gave me
they're for somebody else
I find it a little funny
but I stood and looked ahead
someday in the far future
I will attract a flame
and somewhere in the universe
will be a teardrop for your pain

The doppelganger, a former lover
in the streets of burning papers
behind an old tank of grease
found yesterdays memories
wrapped in plastic bottles
a map is written
to find me
again.

Physical pain
I have forgotten
how it felt
to wince
and cry
to want it to stop

Physical pain
a mere dot
when I have gone through
a pain for heart
bullet through mind
burned soul
yet alive

Physical pain
do you hear me?
when I beg for help
to feel
for tears
and blood

Physical pain
are you deaf?
or am I,
am I the one
who don't listen
you were there
yet I,
I did not care

She is a smoker
no matter how people told her
to stop and breathe for life
She still smokes
oh! dear god
help the poor girl
heal her heart

A joint of bad memories
lit with fire from her eyes
she inhales the regrets
and intakes the hatred
she smoked and smoked
until she herself
she became hate

The moon in here tonight
is hooded with mystery light
like a man in regret that died
or the lust within dead hearts
You can only stare, reaching out
on such agony in delight
for like mischief behind a smile
the moon, a stranger
the deceiver of the night

I woke up this evening
showered with guilt

I found my body in covers
seven layers of faith
My soul is made up of dust
from destruct of past mistakes
I have a heart made of stitches
threads of melancholic fate

I am not real
the image you saw was projection
the sound you hear is wind
my brain that gave you comfort
is degrading, a ceasing clay

I wanted to be a star dust
to fly above the ground
and to be part of an afternoon sunlight
I will keep a human warm

But I am not real
And I will stay in this forever
even if it don't exist
because in this soulless shell of a body
I can hold you, ghostly friend

Dust, let me be the dust.