In the crook of my sanity
sat this poor little me
bereft of reason
naught of gold
one with the concrete
so cold and bold
not for wisdom
never for hope
full of wishes
for food and cloth
if I beg, will it stop?
if I cry, will I drop-
if I jump, will it be better?
and I could laugh
and cry
and tell them I am
still, still stuck there
now, better at hiding
full of warmth
from my blood sweater
sewn from shame
and disappointment
it never gets better
it only gets quiet
and you drown in silence
and acceptance,
that fate is this
it is meant to be.

to the friend, the stargazer
do you still write poetry?
do you still scribble your haikus
with bravery and flare?

I have come back to the homeland
but I did not see you there
when you used to be the constant
that would pop up in my head

I guess we all decided to travel
beyond the calming plains
out there in the open
throwing writing to the wind

I have lost my little sparkle
matches are all that's left
I might've dropped the candle
that my poetry has built

If you see this, dear friend
I hope you write again
I would love to see your haikus
in this lovely little page

I let the sparkle float the air
surrounded yellow, oh so, frail
for it, I could reminisce
for she is, my Everest

I have forgotten how to write,
nothing came to empty mind
darkness always made me rhyme
grief, the anger, and, of spite

but, she, my ever-rest
took me off the scary edge
led me to secure-ity
against all my diverse-ity

Wordplays are beyond me
[create-TV-tea]
but I had it, and it is
so I go back without the rest
and pause,
period,
leave.

Does being strong require that I come crumbling under pressure with the guise of bravery to cover the bleeding that the pavements scrapped within my being?

Does being strong require me to be undaunted, brave to pain, and be iron-minded that no thoughts of rest shall pass upon the cage I built, made up of screams that I swallow in times of despair?

Why does being strong require me to hurt, and hurt with no one understanding that I too am just an ordinary person, that although I'd take a bullet, it does not mean I am heroic, sometimes I wished the bullet would avoid my flesh that is so brittle by the times.

Does strong really have to be sacrificial on my part? Just because I can be mean to maintain order that I'd have to be punished, when to prevent chaos I chose to keep it a circus in my head, that keeps me up all night.

saying it makes my skin tingle
the back of my throat burns
bile comes shooting from the pit
of my stomach, till my mouth is bitter

I hate every inch of this body
and this mind that's too ticklish
it could pop, like a bubble
but stronger than a rock

all this haughty facade
is easily brittle, the blisters
seeping through my soul
and I bleed, an immortal

I work in progress-
but I am marked red,
unwanted by the gods
and rejected by the devil

I am tired of giving
and lending, comforting
to never try

just sick of breaking
and betting, gambling
but not to cry

if only I could sleep
and dream, resting
without this drug

to receive is wishing
and pleading, exhausting
all my might

if this is living
then it is not worth it
I'd rather lie

my words are incoherent
verbose, assaulting
may it survive

I have always dreamt of running
to a place far from here
my name would not ring a bell
and my manners are not shunned or shamed

Maybe with air that freely flows
to the crevice of my opened windows
no curtains of clothes hanging
or the foul smell of smoke

Is it too much to wonder
if I succeeded years ago
If my bravery did not falter
would I be freed, or, be caged?

I just wonder if it'd bring peace
or anger and rage
these days I am just a baggage
all my words are always kept.

I gripped the sad movie-
a lonesome, desperate grip
begging that it falters
to provide me with pain
trigger my ever-breaking
everlasting schemes

Do I have to call it hunger
or call it desperate
is it wanting, exalting
or just a basic clique
is my wish of free falling
pitiful and bleak?

I try to summon tears
agony, or fear
pain? maybe glory
any- kind to feel
in this hollow-like pattern
it suffocated me
c r u c i a t u s

I guess I am a worrier
But it is purely out of love
She is my safe haven
To her I'm a safety net

We're we made for each other?
I doubt and I don't care
It'd be hard to assume perfection; when
The world isn't immaculate

We are both too chaotic
Too charred to be pristine
Scarred, it's never-ending
But we try to live as is

Sunshines and rainbows,
Cloudy skies and meadows,
Storms and tempests,
All bearable with you.

Tear the layer of this sheath
where he ran through his mitt
her hands strayed and pinched
that it was grazed in too deep

Lift it from my face
he had whispered, shushed my name
in where she touched on and snick
and my innocence was raid

Let it burn to flames
in the branch of hopelessness
I was in agony
to crawl off of my veins

If you ever saw me in green
then it was purple in my range
it was yellow on my smell
but screamed red in the end.

I am a pebble, stare at me, then judge me
Mock my brittle edges with your sharp gaze
And tell me how I look unattractive
That I look foolish and insane

Dried leaves carried me
Away from other gravels, whom
I wished to recognize these, I--
Should be belonging in their reign

Disregard my trembling fingers
For my derisible names
Because the norms would often tell me
I am probably not missed

Still, I see myself in that table
Beside pretty ornaments
When my money can only afford
A linen coaster of paper planes

At night I pray to God
That maybe they are right
But I will still be faithful, someday,
My longing will come to life

The curtains swayed the distance
And your laugh a little light
Her eyes slowly wandered
Why this room so vast and wide?

Do I end here in the sideways
Or do I walk in muddy plains
Do I take your time for granted
Did you want someone to blame?

Was I that awful lover
Was I that boring friend
You held my hand to cradle
How your blade tore my skin?

So I took a deep breather
Person,  you can go ahead
What I felt was immaculate
Will you set me free instead?

I'm tired of falling in love
This tingly feelings of
Butterflies in my mind
As the air I breathe hitches
When I see your pretty smile
To hear your lovely laugh
Your hand to hold in mine
This warmth to fill my heart

I'm tired of falling in love
Apologising all the time
Because I cannot make it all right
Thinking of the someday
When I will break my stupid heart
Exhausted of wanting more
To show you I work hard
To keep our love alive

I don't want it all, help me up
To stand from this ground
That gripped my feet to stuck
Telling me I'm grounded
But I should not move apart
From the mistakes and the failures
And wrong things in my past
That will lead me to a future
Full of bleeding and of scars

I'm tired of falling in love.

It was not real, an illusion

Hiding from beneath
The threshold of those
Lies that you told
To make me believe
The person whom I'm talking
Is a hero of the olds

Your kindness was bitter
Spiteful, but bold
It lacked so much leeway
For comfort and soul
Believed in being the freedom
When it was tethers of cold

As time passed by
It ran out of fillers
To conceal it's grimes
From words that I uttered
Consoling such ruse
I stepped on it, yearning

With my truth and yet you

Your deception was forgiven
Only in your mind
All this time I have driven
The wheels you brought out
Unknowing, insane is brethren
With your impurities of time

I was drenched in color orange
lightening hue of the sun
beneath the shadow of music
where the violin string unclasped
the rhythm of their wailing
into one beautiful lyre

an angel feather fallen
because God forbidden me
from chasing axes with mixes
of hate and despair that run
the smiles from their faces
then made it into innocence gone

the forsaken forest spirits
now dwell into the grounds
made up of lilies and roses
trying to hear the sound
from my tree of despair, oozing
with my arrogance and my lies

BY ROBERT FROST

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain—and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night

Silhouette, silhouette
cast me out,
put me in your paper bag
then burn it down
let the rain degrade me
to this gob of grime
tear my limbs in wedges
then stitch it up

Silhouette, shadow dear
render me now
to the lowest being branded
by thee, mighty God
then let them stare at me
with awe and love

I will peek at their ethos
just to see desire
for the things they cannot,
and will never have
I guess the world soon be ending
with dreams that hang
within that wishing well,
that drained, once doused

there's little holes
in my skull
plucked on, one by one
like a beak peaked on
it, it is bleeding empty
of black hue of air
it is hurting lightly
of ants stinging there

so exhausting, so cold
a blanket wrapped me
in dread full of coals
the lines in it mocked me
servant of putrid-ness
that word does not exist
like my smile is evil'ed
still, listen and hear

When I see the blue it taunts me
and I tell myself it fixed me
I would remember the days coming
when the icon popped and irked me

So I heard a sound, then memories
came flooding, so willing
My heart swelled with longing
for a platform in homecoming

I was accepted and brandished
the tattoo on my arm stung
with words "take me to neverland"
Sometimes I wish they'll let me
and take me back as Tint

The everlasting feeling
of somewhere I have been
Is everyone there holding on
and the lives we lived goes on

With the willingness to say hello
Unmute my mic and greet you all
I came back as Tint,
Hello,
Good morning.

Don't be scared

to learn that all the pain
will be part of what you'd gain

and the smile that you now had
be torn apart in tears

for sometimes, in your life
you will beg people to stay

but for sometimes in their lives
they would choose the better lane

and not everyone accepts you
no matter the promises

that most people will leave you
for all their betterment

People made me wonder
the blueness of a leaf
as it swung in different reasons
in a tree that is not his

for she thought the wind is better
from the top of the debris
but it was too strong to handle
that the color in it fade

into a pale and bare kindness
the twig's won't speak about
and we all sat around waiting
for the last leaf to give up

by the end of this summer
I pray to the one above
to let it rest, please, gently
as it falls into the ground.

I tried to learn to paint
when my left hand is still bare
with all of the sanctity
that I tearfully held

It cut through my wrists
and my palm, it's ragged edge
still I held onto the brush
as I tried to image paint

For this time they're not lies
my goddess will not cry
for this time I won't bide
to the words my heart commads

So I'll paint, do teach me
how to grip your thorny brush
sworn someday, this forsaken mind
will have a masterpiece in hand

I am sad and angry
So drained and noisy

Exhausted with the tears
Your name chiming in my head

And the void is screaming
"Tell me your vain",

But no, I won't answer
I just stared into it's flame

I want it to touch me
And I want it to burn

With the holy of my water
From deep within my scorn

It was red but lighter
It was blue but thick

And I let it drown me
Till you call back my name

And
I laughed without humor
Cried without tears
My nerves all tingling
As I jump up in the air

I sang without pleasure
I begged without pain
Felt my hands cascading
To these very end

I felt the blade running
From the top of my despair
And I let it slowly touch me
As it cut me till I bled

For a little longer
I would shoot among the stars
The sturdiest of asteroids
Make an armor for you love

For a little longer
I'd be swimming in a park
That has the muddy waters
To fetch that little swan

For a little longer
It'd be a Christmas fun
And I would greet you, grumpy
With aims to make you laugh

For a little longer
I'll write another rhyme
That holds my dear valentine
And I'd still call you mine

For a little longer
If we held on so tight
I would be hearing your voice
And you'd say I love you back

If only a little longer
You let me in your life
Then on that little longer
I'd still be by your side.

And I greeted, happy birthday
to a photograph I missed
to a non-existing person
I so hoped to be me

But now my shadow lifted
and took stances of grace
with 3 pointed tip point
to slash through my cage

Did I protect my heart, or,
did I lose all it's sense?
Did I love the chilled evening, or,
did I cry in revolting pain?

Take me, oh take me
Within the red snowy wind
Bury me, oh take me
Within the blue sunny spring.

If you were mad then tell me
Lash your anger out
If you were sad then hear me
I'd give you my virtual hug
The frustrations you feel, let me
Be the comfort in your mind
And though I kept all the sorries
Let me worry for you, love

If I greet a good morning
I wished you're here to touch
But it never will lessen
My wish upon these stars
That you'd bid me the good night
And sleep with all you can
My little gift I have here
I'll give you half and half

I don't want to touch the clouds
because they will be torn apart
I don't want to touch the clouds
to feel the calmness in my palms

I don't want to touch the clouds
.,
I want the clouds to touch me

When I sleep, eternally
I want you to burn thee
in pinkish flames
ashes will rim in your sweat
sprikling the clouds, little breeze
and my scent, it will fill the air
as I danced in happy tears

Let the rain take me
to the deepest end
of the ocean, I cannot swim
I'd wept sadly for this mistake
but forever grateful to you dearest
my soul will travel to lovely places
I used to watch till daybreak ends

Oh! let my fly with head held high
soon hereafter, I will tell thee
about the stories
of my escapades
you will know about it,
my sweetest friends
whenever, we would meet again

the calmness that I sought is gone
you remember i told you
your voice, it soothes me up
and I heard you say "hello", i smiled
it was with harshness and anger
but it's fine, I heard you once again
it was so fine
and then the call ended
now it hurts
how the voice I even dreamed of
sounds so hurried
to get away from my nonesense
I'm a mess, to hear you in sarcasm on
how we split and how i have no rights to ask for treats
a bit of your time is not for me
and words i spweded out
they don't make sense
I apologise that
I'm just regrets.

Give me pain, I can take it
Give me love, I'll delude it
Like the blade that I used
To cut my pity in pieces

Give me air to breathe in
Give me voice to scream it
The way memories drowned
Into little pebbled threads

Take my name to sing it
Take my tears to calm
For nothing I regret
I'd meet you once again

I bled crystals
it gave me wealth

I cursed light stars
they gave me death

in your dark journey
you'll see an end

and it will be glad
to see you once again

because you deserve happy
to be the bitter end

cause you liked lovely
to be your closest friend

In my dreams, I saw you
I want to hold your hand
and the tears, you got through
is flaming in my heart
and it's a wish,
can't come true
I want to be a better man
to be the one, all for you
tho your world is on collapse

Let me be a part of you,
I miss you.
I see you when I close my eyes
I would live for,
the day that's yet to come
by then I'll hold you,
warmth into my arms
and I would tell you
I've become a better man.

The drama queen
can I play,
the drama queen?
she who was left alone
with the revenge
that she had drawn
exaggerations in her sobs
and fairly lengthy roars
I wonder if I can act
like how the showbiz
wrote in facts

The dram queen
oh! let me play,
the drama queen
I think I can react
more than she does
I should must
be more emotionless
make an oversensitive rant
I too, can hold a gun
I can tie the ropes in lines
to surpass her is a job
the easiest form at that

So, will you let me
to just play the drama queen?
that person behind a mask
behind her angry glaring eyes
the vengeance that she had
against herself for all the odds
this imperfect scars surrounds
that she always drag around
the drama queen
who's been broken,
by the fact that
nobody cared enough.

Make me cry, my love
as you sing my fake name
in this neverending loop
of sadness we are in
but tho I still care for you
I just cannot do
what I would have done
when I was desperate too.

Let me find myself
for I felt so less
when you told me the things
I have never expected
that my worth was cut
into small pieces
and you made me feel like
I gave you too much care.

Tear me apart, my love
as you sink this dagger
with poisoned lights
and trip me with guilt
that I chose to give up
because I want to be
somebody for now
that I too want to be
feel more wanted now.

Goodbye, my love
I wrote to you, these poems
with all my passionate sense
and all these sadness
are singing for your name
please forgive me
for I am filled with despair
that I cannot even
want to hear your pain