I’ve become so good at
Pretending to be okay,
I don’t even remember what
It feels like to let it all go.
I don’t remember letting my friends see my anxiety,
Breaking down in front of somebody,
Smiling a genuine smile.
I don’t remember showing any emotion besides okay,
Fine, normal.
I remain the definition of average,
Blending in so well I don’t even think about it.
Sometimes I want to just stop.
Just stop all of the pretending and let myself feel.
But I can do it.
I can do whatever I need to do
In order to keep things normal.
And that’s the scariest thing of all.