I’m not sure what I did
to deserve ending up here
I can feel my body
slowly failing me now
With every hour spent in bed
every meal sitting on the table
every new layer of darkness
underneath my eyes
Weighing me down
burying me under the weight
of my reality
You just have to make it
through the day
You just have to dig deep
and find it in yourself
to be strong
Maybe that would be easy
If it was just for one day
My energy isn’t regenerating
fast enough to keep up
with the strength I need
just to get myself up
every morning
I can feel my bones
believing that they’re
not good enough
And I’m not sure what I did
to deserve ending up here
But God, please forgive me

My love, remember
when we first met so long ago
in your favourite bookstore.
Can you still see me,
with my messy black hair and way too big glasses
shaking,
carrying way too many and way too heavy science books
on my clumsy arms?
I still can see you,
with your beautiful brown hair ******* in a ponytail
running your fingers along the spines
of books filled with adventure,
looking,
for a world to enter next.
Oh and do you still remember,
the furious voice of the old storekeeper lady
as she flung up her arms and ran to her precious books
that I had dropped?
I still remember,
how you softly shook your head, chuckling
"You're so clumsy..."
while you helped me
to pick up all those books.

My love, but most important of all,
do you still remember the moment, when our eyes met?
How you
how I
how we,
finally knew wich world
to enter next?

Artists are often
broken people
using the fragments of themselves
to create something new
and although
being healed
feels so complete
sometimes i want to be broken again
sometimes i want open wounds
so i can use the blood
to paint sunsets
so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas
so i can carve
masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind
but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art

My heart aches for you,
Wish you could see through me how much I miss you

is dying.
I am tired of failing yet constantly trying.
It is not just self-realization anymore,
but a friend's comment, in half my confidence tore.
She said she never imagined I would end up this way,
little does she know I am begging my sanity and health to stay,
Instead, life is having its own way,
Me fighting for normalcy, yet my already stamped fate almost does not sway.
Take the painfully sweet escape and jump into the sea
And extinguish the light within me

the smell of love and regrets
the smell of you
on my lips