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  Apr 2015 The Black Raven
L
so here i am again
staring at nothing
wondering where it is that i went wrong this time
and your last words echo
over and over and over
"don't call back"
you're a ghost now
and i still see you
walking the halls at night
doing the things we used to
laughing the way we used to
loving me like you used to
it's haunting
and i feel chills from nowhere
like your hands are still on me
still moving me
still holding me
like i know you never will again
and i haven't slept in weeks
and the middle of my bed
is relearning how to hold just me
because i can't stand sleeping on my side
while yours remains vacant
and i can't stand to look in mirrors
because my eyes are the same
vacant
and empty
and your clothes still hug my frame
like i wish you would
they don't keep me warm like you did
and you didn't leave reasons
and you didn't apologize
and i was left to wonder where i went wrong
but you got lucky
you don't see ghosts at night
or hear phantom laughter
or feel chills in the dark
because you weren't left to wonder
you just left
The Black Raven Apr 2015
Grasping at the air and your gone, like a whisper in my mind or my breath on a foggy morning. It lingers for a while, surrounding my head,
Like a pure cloud of delusion, a bubble of insecurities and hopes and desires and dreams and then it's gone, Like the flicker of a candle blown out by a child in an adult world, run away with the Humm of your breath, escaping into the night.
It's like quicksand running through my fingers, and I can see my time clock always feeling like it's running out, it's like a butterfly dancing into the deepest corners of my mind, running through a river of emotions and bursting through my
Mouth in a babble of awkward communication, freely flowing with everything that's been bottled
corked up and already set adrift in some running thought. All my
Mouth can conjure is a free flowing eclipse dabbed with bubbles of truth floating away to the surface of my sharp tounge.  And as the negativity cascades around me like a cloak of invisible emotion, the river runs from
my soul through my eyes, and the pain of crashing waves batters against my throbbing heart just willing you to take me in your arms, and plant a kiss on my forehead and tell me everything will Work out. But instead you're gone, like a whisper in my mind or my breath on this particularly foggy morning, and despite my frequent intakes and the river that won't stop running, I know that at the end of the day, that's all you wanted from me too.
The Black Raven Mar 2015
Cosmic hearts
with moonshine eyes,
wandering toes
through nights dark disguise.
Gnarled root nails, behind
white cotton clouds
dusted, warn boots
thump through thick cattle crowds.
Silhouette sunsets
that glow like the heat,
planes like a painting
a marvellous treat.
Huge starry skies
as far as one can see,
stand small on the ledge
feel the rush of the free!
Feel that wind softly blowing
a wondrous, soulful gust,
one word for this feeling,
-wanderlust.
women say they want a sensitive man but they mock me when i sit at the piano crying for hours holding a lighthearted paper candle and a smile tucked in between my lips

they say they want a hard working man with ***** fingernails but
they claw at me if i turn a sun-browned shoulder against them in bed

they say they would love a cultured man but they cringe when i kiss them with lips tasting of whiskey & cigar smoke or touch them with fingers gentle as soft old paper

they say they dig the cold but they huddle in blankets when i stay up all night dancing naked across the lawn listening to joni mitchell in january

they say they want their own sugar space but turn sour when i linger and wake up dreaming of becoming an astronaut

they say they're comfortable with my past imperfections but it's my fault when i have a nightmare about being strung out on the perfume of another woman

they want a man who can write a song but they struggle when i anchor a poem to their delicate ankles and fill their empty rooms with shamefully broken pencils

they love my beautiful tattoos and piercings but shake me when i spend days wrapped inside a coral shell singing a lullaby

they want the idea of a man they've read about in books but won't tolerate me when i read them the atrocities in the sunday paper under the lampshade of an oak tree

women say they'll take me as i am but get lonely when i wander for a week and come home buried in the scent of a rock and roll bar

they say they make friends easily, like me, but can't stand to come home to talking & laughing cynical & drunk in a house full of strangers

they want a quiet man who loves them like the stars but scream when i learn to fly at the mercy of the weather & can't be captured

they want to live naughty with the thick musk of a man but act bewildered when they're caught soaking wet and weak in the knees

women say they love men with a tolerance but get jealous when i'm dizzy drunk at dawn on cheap tequila and the memory of my mother

they want a man who lives inside a corridor of words but hate me when they realize artful compliments are only cages of pretty lies

they're helpless for a man with grace but hate me when i'm pitiful and clumsy in the dark after blowing out candles and closing windows in the middle of june

they say they'll only fall in love with a lover of music but audibly cough when i hush them as Coltrane makes dazzling sodium fall across my face

they all wish for a man with careful eyes
but mine are blue and empty in the end
& it gets lonely
so i will no longer carry a song for them in my heart
like a trail-weary cowboy
no lust
no memory
no guilt
no cups
no whistles
or jewels in my vulnerable shadow
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