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there once was a tailor
who lived in a place unknown
his place was small
but i guess, it was home

he sewed clothes
for people far and wide
with nothing but a thin needle
and fabric by his side.

his job wasn't easy
he worked and worked all day
and the money it made?
well, it barely paid.

but he loved what he did,
with his stitches and thread,
so every night he would lay down
and dream happily in his bed

one day
he got a strange request
he had to make a special robe-
a golden dress.

he tried to explain
this was more than he could do
that this is impossible
but she didn't believe him- so now, he's blue

he tried and tried
but it couldn't be done.
she wanted hundreds of stitches
but he could only do one.

he felt so awful
judging many times over three
so he hung himself
on a branch of the olive tree

the woman was mad
at the tailor
she called him lazy
called him as useless as a sailor

so in the end
nobody won
she didn't get her dress
and the tailor killed himself
because that task simply couldn't be done.

and now,
the olives that come from the tree
remind everyone of him-
and what couldn't be.
idk this is what happens when i have too much free time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
the thing about self harm
is that a lot of the time
it isn't a choice
because it's an addiction
a habit
a coping strategy
so next time you see someone
with cuts on their arms
take it from someone who was (and still am) bullied.
ask them if they are okay
don't judge like the others did
be their friend
and help them
because
as an addict myself
i can confirm
we need help
but we don't want it
we want to get better
but we don't
and i don't speak for everyone
but this is how i see it
it's not always a choice
not a decision
but a habit
and trust me
old habits die hard
been clean for 3 days now. doesn't seem like much but this truly is progress for me. to be fair i haven't had access to privacy and a blade in *counts on fingers * 3 days BUT STILL
they call me she
they call me a liar
they tell me that im not trans
they tell me that I should be set on fire
They call me a sin
They call me fake
They tell me that ill never win
They call me a ****
They call me a creep
I'm just expressing my gender identity.
I just want to *** in the right restroom.
What
The
****
Do
You
Mean
By
That?
Think about it
You could easily ****** someone and get away with it
Think about it
You could watch every movie there is
Think about it
You could marry your one and only love
Think about it
You could learn ever gen alpha term, including skibidi ohio rizz

Think about it
You could slash your exes tires
Think about it
You could spend all your life on a couch
Think about it
You could break every law
Think about it
You could walk never in a slouch

Think about it
You could fall in love
Think about it
You could run away
Think about it
You could fight off a bear
Think about it
You could only do these things if you keep living.
Every day.
Please dont **** yourself.
To one of my best friends who struggles with these thoughts everyday.
My vision is fuzzy
I'm losing my balance
This isn't real

Peoples words are blended together
I can't read anymore
This isn't real

I tell my hand to do something
And it fails
I drop my cup
This isn't real

Feeling dizzy
I always have
This isn't real

This can't be real
This is just a dream
My whole life
Is a dream
This
Isn't
Real
I get this way a lot, does anyone else?
i'm running out of time
i have so much to say
so much in my brain
so many people to betray

i'm running out of time
so much happening in this chaotic world
too many people to correct
too many people to tell "i'm a boy, not a girl."

i'm running out of time
so much to tell you
so much to give you
so many things that aren't true

time time time time time
i need more time
i'm running out of time
please give me more time
you won't regret it, i promise
too tired to talk
too tired to get up
too tired to do school work
too tired to care
too tired to eat
too tired to do anything
but
s l o w l y
t y p e
t h i s
a w f u l
p o e t r y
(that took 8 minutes to type. i already had it written down somewhere.)
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Thats me
I'm in the dark
With no light
You actions left a mark
And now im stuck in the endless night

You mocked me
With your torch
I touched the flame
So now my skin is scorched

Youve left me with scars
Beneath the surface
Physical and mental
Geez. Thanks so much for your service.
i don't know what's wrong with me
but something was happening so long ago
and it still repeats in my head
makes me want to shut my eyes and go

i don't know what's wrong with me
but i can't talk about it
no matter how hard i try
i'm just to scared to admit that i've been through some ****...

i don't know what's wrong with me
every time i see those awful people
every time there's a loud noise or a crowded room
it just reminds me that the whole world is sheeple

i don't know what's wrong with me
their words repeat in my head in an infinite loop
their mocking keeps coming up
feels like i'm in a boiling *** of trauma soup...

haha i don't ******* know what's wrong with me!!!
loud noises
crowded rooms
eating
talking
living
hoping
dreaming
wishing
can't do anything about it
can't do anything without being reminded
I think I might not
Trust myself at all right now
Because why should i...
I'm too untrustworthy.
try
try
You don’t know what it's like
To try
And try
And try
With no results

You don’t know what it's like
To cry
And cry
And cry
Tears full of salt

You don’t know what it's like
To die
And die
And die
Every second you're alive

You don’t know what it's like
To lie
And lie
And lie
But nothing
Will ever
Ever
Ever
Get better.
its... it has been a very long week
i feel like i'm underwater
with nowhere to breathe
movements
s l o w
and
d e l a y e d .

i feel like i'm underwater
with nobody to trust
falling
d e e p e r
and
d e e p e r
into the ocean

i feel like i'm underwater
pressure increasing
lungs popping
no oxygen
no one to trust
going deeper
the hill is steeper
when you're around
you
c o v e r
my
m o u t h
i can't
b r e a t h e

you
w r a p
your
h a n d s
around my throat
and i gasp for air
when you
l e t   g o

but here i am
pretending to be happy as a clam
underwater
...
you untie the tangle
the red string has went from loops
and twists
and bends
and now you can see it all...
i bet you regret it
because i wanted you to stop
now you know too much
and now
you'll probably leave me
just like everyone else did
i'm just too much
too much of a mess
a burden
for you to deal with
i'm sorry that what i went through
and what it left me with
hurts you
because i feel like actual worthless ****
but you treat me like a burden
so i must be wrong
because
every
single
*******
time.
i'll tell someone what i go through
and they'll say:
"it's ******* me that you go through that... i don't think we should be friends anymore.".
"friends" slowly (quickly) losing interest
i know they think i'm annoying
they don't have to pretend to like me anymore
i may be neurodivergent
but i'm not stupid
Why
How
Could
I
Ever
Think
That
I
Would
Could
Be
Free
Be
Accepted
For who I am
What part of no
Sounded like yes
I am not a survivor. And I don't speak for them as they are their own people. But I hope I bring comfort and peace to whoever is and reads this. Good luck. You deserved better. And you still do.
it's gotten to the point
where nothing matters
the only reason I keep going
is because I know
there are barely any
but at least some
people that would care
if I just disappeared
They might be the only people that would notice...
Haha
Why do I laugh
Why do I sing
Why do I cry
Why do I even try
Whenever I have faith
It always ends up as a lie

Why do I write
Why do I draw
Why do I smile
It's almost never worth while

Make it stop
...
Morning of election results
Mourning of election results
A dream of freedom lost on the air.
A hope for a president who will actually care.

Danger is coming
every notification on my phone
telling me something is going wrong
another corrupted plan succeeding
another million people gone...

every news story in the morning
telling me I'm going to die
another failed hope
another savior plan gone awry...

every word out of your mouth
telling me I'm a worthless *******
it was so long ago
but the forest fire is still lit...

every word of yours i remember
keeps repeating in my head
telling me i'm useless
and that i'd be better off dead...
...
i want to live
not just survive
going through a depressive episode right now :)
i don't hate you
i just sometimes wish
that we never met
so many times
i thought i was happy
turns out
it's just when you weren't around
you want to know what it's like inside my brain?
it's like burning in hell but with 10x the pain.
it's like swimming in a pool with nowhere to breathe
it's like all the cuts on my arm,
covered by a sleeve.
it's like being trapped in a closet
with no way out
it's like being deathly thirsty
but you're stuck in a drought.
it's like being in an escape room
with a forever stuck lock
it's like sitting in an empty room
waiting for a knock.
now you know what it's like inside my head
so now you know why i want to be dead~
Today
I was sitting at the dinner table
Behind a baked potato
Scared
Uncomfortable
Anxious
While my parents kept watching me
I sat there
While my brother
And my sister
Ate with no problem
No second thought
**** i wish i could be like that.
When everyone else got up
My mom looked at me
And said out loud
"can you just eat it? Its not that hard."
The dumb thing is
She thinks shes my savior
But she makes me feel like I belong in an asylum
Everyone was looking at me
Judging
While tears slowly fall
From my blurry eyes
The thing is
She doesnt even understand
She thinks i dont want to eat
But I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't
I can't
"I cant."
I mouthed
Silently
And she said
"Yes you can! Youre just being dramatic."
No, not said.
Exclaimed
She told me to take a few bites
I did
And I got up and walked away
And set my 1/10 empty plate
Next to the sink.
I went downstairs.
She yelled down the stairs
"deadname, get up here. You need to eat more food."
I ate some more.
And then I went back down
To sit with the guilt
I know shes trying to help
But please dont tell me to try to be grateful
Because she is just making things worse
My therapist agreed
The hospital agreed
So now
I will sit
And cry
I'm my room
Try to avoid getting blood stains on my sheets
Try to hide my tool
Try to get better
Because I do want to
But these people dont ******* understand.
And they need to stop pretending that they do.
you should never trust someone who isn't trustworthy
i know it seems obvious
but some people keep giving them second chances

some people never change
Its just a dream
Ive always been dreaming
I have to wake up

Its all an illusion
It always has been
I have to wake up

They arent real
They never have been
I need to wake up

This is all in my head
I dont remember anything
I dont think i ever have
I need to wake up

My hands are shaking
They always are
I need to wake up
I need to wake up
Its all fake
... i need to wake up
I never think of life
As a wet on dry watercolor painting
Because its more similar
To wet on wet
You put a dash of color
Joy
Emotion
And it spreads
Like a virus
But a good one
Life isnt realism.
Life is abstract.
So treat it like that.
Imperfect
But in the end?
Beautiful.
The blade on my desk sings an alluring melody
Tempting me to cut
Telling me that I deserve it
I'm happy… anything but.

I try to ignore
Against the wall i lean
I try to hope
I try to dream

But the song draws me closer
Telling me to cut deep
Telling me that if I do
It'll help me sleep

The avoidance fails.
Blood falls to the floor
Staining the carpet
I close the door.

Silent tears
Hopeless dreams
A ruined life
ripped at the seams

Tears fall to the cuts
It stings.
Is it weird that I like it?
Is it weird the happiness it brings?

When I finish
I cover it with a sleeve.
A future Scar
That I know will never leave.

I didn't Want to.
It was an accident.
A beautiful accident.
A painful accident.
Not an accident.

Help me.
...
when in rome
you do as the romans do.
when in school
you do as the students do.
when in hell
you do as the devils do.
you treat everyone like ****

when at home
you do as the residents do
when in life
you do as the livings do
when in heaven
you do as the angels do
you discriminate good from bad
when there really is no line
Where can I go
Anywhere but here
Anywhere but here would be safer
Anywhere but here would be better
Where will I go
Somewhere i can meet new people
Somewhere i can hide
Somewhere i can have new experiences
With you by my side
Somewhere...
Anywhere...
Would be better than here.
:(
Why
Why
Why
Why can't I be friends with someone
Without people assuming i have a crush
the cold air bites my cheeks and ears
                              but it's summer
the snow is freezing to my skin
                              but it's summer
i slip on the ice
                              but it's summer
the sun is nowhere to be seen
                              but it's summer
nobody is outside
                              but it's summer
i'm so cold
                              but it's summer
you left me to freeze in the snow
                              but it's summer
but...
it's summer
Me
Without you

Is like the moon
Without the night

The fish
Without the ocean

The sun
Without the sky

Tom
Without jerry

Peanut butter
Without jelly

Don't leave, please
i'm worried
because my best friend keeps trying
trying to **** herself
and i don't know what i'll do
if one more ******* awful thing happens in my life
maybe she and i will meet each other in another life
i don't know
i was never religious
so maybe we'll just be alone
unconcious
forever
i hope she knows i'm worried about her
hard
to talk
about

yet
hard
to avoid

haha
that's me

everybody
hates him
nobody cares

everybody
wants to
shove him down the stairs

haha.
that's me.

— The End —