take me to Bukowski's grave,
we can drink,
and talk about our past lovers
who left bad tastes in our mouths.
The ones who's clumsy hands,
left bruises on our,
fragile bodies,
we were treated so badly,
we did not deserve
any of the sadness
we did not deserve,
what we felt.
we poked needles
into our skin,
and injected unworthy people,
into our veins.
we were not whole.
we gave lovers parts of us,
we needed to keep.
parts of ourselves,
we thought we could never
get back
and then,
we
met
each
other.
and with you,
i am whole.

he tells me
"You treat wanting to
**** yourself
like
a chore
if you want to die
so badly
how about you just do it?"
i look at him
wanting to question how he doesn't understand
of course I treat wanting to **** myself like a chore.
truth be told,
i don't want to **** myself
i feel like i need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one ever wants to have to
touch the soggy noodles
from last night's dinner
while washing the dishes
but
if you want
clean dishes
and a
clean house
you need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one wants
to make people upset
no one wants to do any of the painful things
they just want
a clean slate.
a clean self.
slowly but surely
i am realizing-
I hate doing chores.
i do not mind
having a ***** house.
eventually,
it will be clean.
and i can definitely wait for that.
a little mess never hurt anyone.
mess adds character
and everyone is bound to have
a little mess
in their house
no matter what their situation is.
and killing myself
would just make that mess
go to somebody else.
i want to leave everything
cleaner than I found it.
and if that involves
leaving ***** plates in my sink,
that is fine.

I traced hearts on your back with my fingertips
i want to kiss you until my lips bleed.
please
write poetry about me with your tongue
and leave the words on my body.
i want this to last.
i do not care if it hurts
let it hurt.
i will swallow my pride whole
until i I throw my insides up
and i am left in tiny pieces
just let it last
You say that you are mine.
Always.
Your basement has become a burial ground for my innocence
that i tried so hard to keep alive
but
I am not ashamed.
that scares me.
You say you'll do whatever I want
you like a girl that begs.
you like a girl that moans.
you like a girl that takes control.
how am i supposed to do any of that
if i cant even tell you what i want for dinner or touch you without my limbs shaking?
i want to be that girl
for you
i'll do whatever you want.
always.
because i am yours
even if you decide you don't want me
anymore.

The world is too much for us.
There is so much beauty
Around us
And those who notice it all
Do not know what to do with it.
And those people
End up the most miserable,
The kindness in their hearts
Swallow them whole,
and they can not handle
All of the wonderful things
They think that they
Do not compare to
But
These people
Are just as beautiful as
The morning sunlight
And the stars that shine
So brightly.
The stars shine for you.
There are stars Inside your mind
do not let
cruel people with unkind
hearts **** your stars
let yourself get lost
in the world
do not feel guilty that
there is gentleness in your soul
because a kind heart
Is just as wonderful as
The universe's endless beauty.

and i do not regret the kisses
in the dark of your basement,
why regret something i had once wanted?

you can bomb a country to pieces,
but you can't bomb a country to peace.