He’s not here anymore
That’s why you’ve been crying girlie
Cos his face is smiling but his heart ain’t offering
It’s magic to you no more
Go rock your nest alone tonight
Let the moon song your grief
Wrap up tight your body untouched
Sleep will wash that longing feminine soul beneath
Maybe he’ll be back with soft animal skins
That will warm the bed you’ll sleep upon
Or maybe he is gone with the wind having inhaled you then left you forgotten.
for now breathe deep, give your prayers to the moon, for your love isn’t here for your sharing.
May his heart be honourable and his soul be true. May these nights not destroy your mutual caring

My ears hiss and hum,
they fizz and they freak
Like a song with no melody
week after week

You hear sound
and I hear distortion
This ever present noise
is driving me to exhaustion

I may never hear quiet,
or stillness again,
I wonder how long
till it drives me insane

a chord played by a corpse,
a factory, a machine,
an electrical substation
with a piano wedged between

a never ending, mind bending
permanent drone
its like 16 simultaneous flatliners
that wont leave me alone

An orchestra of electrical tools
A theme tune stuck on the e-cord
Dear god, I am tired now,
Please change the record

Distract me, but loudly
Give me a release  
From this burglary of sound
I want back my peace

But don’t take away my sound
My connection to living
Just ease up on the howlers
That sound so unforgiving

People say ahhh
and they tilt their head,
This just makes me want to batter them
And let them hear my sound instead! J

Please remember my challenges
Even when I look happy and beaming
The volume is right down on my world
And the noise in my head is still steaming

Those times when you forget
you whisper, you mumble
I try as I might but I can’t reach
You through this rumble grumble

Have courage to speak louder
Direct your words to my face
This is an act of love
It is a kindness and a grace

Try not to lose patience
With me and my noisy faulty ears
These are tough challenges I face
These are my troubles my tears

I love and I laugh still
I try to forget it
Your remembering, and your sensitivity
Really helps me not sweat it.

Put me in a coma
Knock me out hard
Because I can’t handle this wounding
I feel in my heart

Strip me of my skin
Burn me to the bone
Because nothing could possibly hurt more
Than him deciding to leave me and go home

Bring me a wave
To sweep me out to sea
Because it would be better than drowning
In my self made misery

Is there a drug I can take,
A place I can lay
So I can feel peace from  
My loss today

So give me the tablet
Numb my soul
Or bring back my lover
Bring him home

One day
My man, a gentle knight,
Will know the pain in my eyes
Hidden by my streetwise style
He’ll detect the buttoned down toned tight tremble in my chest
the chill of my breath
And he will lay every piece of armour down
To come bravely
Tenderly
With silence to listen to the words and feelings turning the rhythm of my sobs
Into a partner dance
Ears and eyes, heart and soul
Moving our bare bones
to the wisdom presented by hearts that are
Truth faced
And with this presence and kindness
I will surrender knowing finally I am safe.

Beneath my skin lies an ocean
into which you swim.
Moonlight shadows
beams of light.
These are my joys and my mothers dreams and tears.
For as I gently soothe your troubled skin
So to ships do I sink
 
Mother and lover, daughter, obedient wife
my wet within me gives and holds life.
We nurture, we love, we strive to do right
But the pain of our ocean beats a heavy drum
Upon our hearts, our thighs.
 
History repeats itself.
Its not simple to relearn.
The bird can only sing its mother father song.
Instinctively we gather, that which we know.
Planets form and then they grow.  
My father didn’t see his mother smile
and I wish I would mine.
  
Wrecks of old ships lie dormant quietly in my bed
When sailors were lost or found.
But amongst the ruins there will one day be life
a new world of corals and forest within which my children will swim
Quietly sitting buried in time 
today will be history and tomorrow we will be loved, safely
for our feminine again.
 
My water, it may sink.
It distorts the song of my eternally loving soul
it drowns those too timid to swim
it rocks the boats that seek fleeting beauty of the shore
it fights those who contain it, force it to take another shape
but within these tides, these rivers of my love
these dangerous depths of deep and dark blues
lives all of my love
for every one of you. 
Just as tears are born from the eyes of laughter.
My oceans are born from the feelings of my love for you.
 
And I wait. For the brave, gentle, scuba diver
to find the treasures hidden amongst the wasteground of the sunken ships

overnight my beloved became a stranger to me
Another man took him away
disappointed me with his empty eyes
horrifying me with his brutal silence
his soft and tender heart replaced by a stone wall
That shuts me out
And trapped away from us all the beautiful and enchanted memories we created together
This new man doesn’t feel anymore
Stonelike embodiment of fearful thoughts
That cast out the great mysteries of love
It seems he doesn’t remember me either
And so then my beloved
To whom I shared so much of myself with
Never wrote words and smiled upon my heart
I am wrapped up with grief

You,
my beloved one,
soak up all my attentions
My helpful suggestions
You love that I love you
That I pray for sunshine above you
My protection
My affection
My spontaneous seduction
My listening
My kissing
A loyal companion.
But where, sweet beloved,
are you
When I need you
Your strength
Your reassurance
Your fearless steadfastness
Those nights in life
When I feel my aloneness
When fear quakes my faith
And my feelings choke me
When our words, our responses
Hurt me, unnerve me
Won’t you be there then to support me?
We both need each other
And If we are to create safety
We have to be there for each other, equally.
But instead I write poems and I ask
Where love are you now
My one and only

I’ve been looking for you
so hard and so long
Ten thousand days and nights,
of singing your song
Calling you home,
to here by my side
I’ve been searching and waiting
So hard I tried.

All this time,
they told me I was idealistic
So I tried dating people
who I thought were more realistic
I kissed many frogs
but none turned to princes
And so I carried on alone
waiting for something more priceless

My heart has been broken,
I’ve shed many tears
I’m sad that you have missed out
On all these years
But sod it, I might be going
wrinkly and grey
I still do not plan to give up
On my dreams of love today

How will I know
if its you I have found?
When can I rest
knowing I am homebound?
I think I will know
by the way that you treat me
You make me feel safe
and you speak to me sweetly

My love will stay beside me
through thick and through thin
You show me you are someone
I truly can believe in
I’m a ******* a mission
for deep lasting love and romance
They say I am foolish
but I have to take a chance
That someone out there
will love me truly
even though I can be
wild and unruly
But now I understand
why it’s taken so long
My task was not to find you
but to rise to become
a woman who inspires
your love, commitment, affection
by singing my own song louder
to be loved for its own imperfection

I’ve come a long way
but I still can doubt and worry
I’m doing all I can
And if I’m ever difficult I’m so sorry
I want so much to love you
with the entirety of my being
but remember that I’m just a girl
and with all my crazy I’m always well meaning

I’m far from perfect  
Sometimes I get fearful
But many other times
I’m incredibly cheerful.
If you are my soul mate
you have probably struggled to
And my arms will surround you
Let me be your rock, your ally
Whenever you are blue

I stopped all my searching
lit a candle in my heart
And I sang a song of love to life
for us to no longer be apart.

My love, I have waited
what seems like forever
Please come and join me now
so we can do some of life together
I don’t want to be droopy and wrinkly
when we get together
Or not be able to make love to you
without ******

It’s time, hurry up,
I’m fed up of waiting
This search of mine
is getting infuriating

Never lose hope little one.
For all the boundless joy in the world
Is available to you through your dreams and your visions
Even when it seems that all the doors are closed
And you are being left behind
Have hope
Because there is new life in every
Beat your heart drums

If you are sad, little one,
because your dreams are just a colourful story in your mind
with no where to go
Be patient
because the scene is being set
for your biggest and grandest dreams
And you cannot push
Against the wall that protects you
From everything that is not your perfect dream

Never lose your love, little one
Even when the ones you love
Turn away and leave you standing empty and bare in the shadows
And there are no smiles shining for you in the crowds
Have love
For all the love in the world
Is there within your heart
and surrounding you
When you are ready to see it.

And when the one you love hides his love from you
remember that it is there, locked, away safe
Ready to blossom into his most magnificent dreams
And it is not yours to decide his vision
It is only for you to wait upon your own.

Do not allow your fear to overwhelm you, little one.
For it is just a child
crying for love and assurance.
Be still and have kindness for your fear
Do not lock her away in the dark
Or fight her till she is quiet.
Listen and love in tenderness
Do not fear - You are safe.
It is just a lack of love.
A lack of faith.

Have trust, Little one.
That what is beyond your vision is great and good
You do not need to understand
Or to control, to make your world work.
Have trust,
For if you are still
and you listen
you will hear that the universe is providing
all you could ever need

Little one,
In all the complexities
it is simple.
If you have love and trust in yourself and the universe
You will have hope. You will have faith.
There will be no fear in your mind
Or walls in your heart.
And there will be no limits
To the possibilities of your dreams.

Lovers hearts wide open
Eyes seeing lights of eyes and smiles
Arms, legs clasped around legs, arms
Whilst the gods dance between us
Through our open devoted hearts
Free from sin we drink of the cup
The bliss of love divine

Now is the time of heightened love my friend
When our eyes see beauty, trust, faith, joy
Hearts generously wide, vast openness
As if we would never fall from grace
Into being human again,
As though we would never build walls
And then anger at the Gods for leaving us

Because these same human hearts close
We see faults and failings,
We wrap our judgements and our words around
Ourselves and fall into the lap of pride and selfishness
Love is here also, fighting to breathe again,
Holding a hand out to us if we could only reach it
And soon enough we surrender our spears and
Recognise that we were never on different sides

May I remember at those times that love is between us
When we are in our separate rooms,
Beating our hearts to different genres
When my back is to your back, not touching
And when I am mourning the loss of the whites of your smile for me
I pledge to remember that love is in those tears as well.
Bursting forth to be set free and received
Fighting for harmless and fairness
Waiting for small and large opportunities to give itself
Words, skin, smile, kisses, a gift unexpected or a cup of tea
Whether in silence, passion or the glazed over absence
Love is alive in us,
The divine lights us,
Whether in passion and twisted ******* frenzy,
Or in the silent working side by side, waking up and going to sleep.

I walk through piles of autumn leaves
Golden like your skin.
The air, cool like your eyes
Sweeps across my face
Like your hands once did
And I am warmed inside
As if the august sun was once again shining down on my naked body
like in the field that day
And the coolness of the wind reminds me of the breeze in the leaves of the tree I watched you climb
How your woodland like beauty moved me,
my tree lover boy