one day

you will kiss the love of your life and fall asleep in their arms holding you tight because you finally have each other  

you will wake up late on a sunday to their face and it will be more stunning than the sunrise you missed

you will get dressed, watch them fix their bed head, and think to yourself how lucky you are to have someone so perfect

you will go on adventures and do all of the things you dreamt about

you will come home, to your home together, and get high on the kitchen floor laughing until you can't breathe

you will undress each other and kiss the body you've fallen for

you will lay tangled in blankets and their limbs and drift to sleep, only to do it all again tomorrow

one day
it will be worth it
the fighting, the pain, the break ups and makeups, the confusion, the mess
one day it will all make sense
and one day
you will both be happy

s.s

I never knew
I loved her
Until she turned and walked away.
I never knew
I needed her
Until she asked for her things back.
I never knew
How much she meant to me
Until my sheets didn't smell like her anymore.
I never knew
How much I loved her company
Until she blocked my number.
I never knew
I loved her
Until she turned and walked away.

You always point out every flaw dad
Always reminding me of everything I do wrong
You never cared how I felt dad
Always comparing me to someone else
I already know how stupid I am dad
Believe me I’ve been told thousands of times
That’s why I want to move away from you
You’ve made me feel alone dad
While still saying you’re my friend
I cared but you didn’t
That was my problem I accept responsibility for that
But the hardest part about letting go is that
I’ll never hear you running after me
Deep into the cold

"I don't want to exist sometimes."
Dear God forbid those words reprise
"Be careful who you tell these rhymes."
The therapist looked and checked the time
As if waiting for the clock to chime
Next time I'll come, look in her eyes
Then smile and tell happy lies.

I don't want to hear about
what my tongue does in the dark
no, tell me
how the words I write in my sleep
for no one but you to see
hit you like a hammer to the chest

"You flinch a lot"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
You may be joking
But that doesn't mean everyone in my past was

"You always cry when someone yells"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've had threats screamed at me
And words that can never be forgotten

"You forgive people easily"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
I've given out a lot of chances
Everybody deserves a second one

"You're a cold ***** sometimes"
Yeah I know
There's a reason for that
Numbness used to be the thing that kept me alive

Give up, don't fight
**** myself tonight
It's not what I want
It is how I feel
I don't like to tell ya
But I somehow gotta deal

But maybe
It's the other way around
Cause at this point
I don't really know
What I truly Feel
If I feel at all
What I really think consciously
Conjure up at will

Put a pen to the paper
A keyboard to the screen
Post my poems online so I can finally be seen

I crave connection
Like all humans do
But as someone like me
I crave solitude

Get up, no spite
Safe myself tonight
It is what I want
Kinda how I feel
I really need to tell ya
To finally make the deal

Today I felt sad
But that’s okay
Just let me feel something

Did you think you could hear me?
I speak calmly, but I'm screaming!
A tale of two people,
One happy, one sad
Will always be playing cat
and dog inside of me
My thoughts are their playground
My actions, their command
I am demented, love
I will always be tormented
By one arguing with the other
Therefore, I urge
Do not try to save me
For we will both fall