reaching,
grasping,
nothing,
purpose?
existence?

falling,
crying­,
cradling,
future?
ability?

sleepless,
tiring,
faltering,
slits­?

now.

It's almost 2 and I'm looping my thoughts,
Repeated, Reiterated, Reoccurred, Dilated.
Sunken through air and ethereal steel,
I'm pleading for a meal,
To satiate my hunger,
For my eternal grave.

It's 2:00 and I'm finding no answers,
Within my brain,
Scanned, Manned, Retrospectively planned.
And I can't see myself reaping the weak,
yet I imagine myself holding a gun up to my head.
I'm pleading for His touch,
As an unbeliever, heretic, a deceiver,
Strike me down, God, now.
Send me down to my eternal slumber.

It's 3:00 and I'm back at this again,
Racking my brain,
My fretting, betting, setting off,
bomb-like migraines,
Reheat it again and I can see through the forestry greens,
I'm dead, I was already from the start.
So what's the point of lifting my head and making a sound?
I'm on trial as it stands,
Strike me down, God, now.
Send me down to my eternal grave.

A baby was born today.

A baby born after decades of growing,
The father, a heartless oil tycoon.
The mother, an unflinching beaurocrat.

Orwell rolls in his grave,
Marx rolls in his grave,
Mandela rolls in his grave,
Malcolm rolls in his grave.

A baby was born today,
Born of greed and exploitation,
Into a world primed to love its beady eyes.

What's to happen, I cannot say,
We have always warned of this day,
Call it a product of our errors,
For that's what many warned.

A baby was born today,
It grasps for the finger of its mother,
Taking ahold and ripping her flesh away.

It hates us all.
Despises our flesh.
Flinches at our pulse.
Curls its lip at our humanity.

A baby was born today,
And we will all pay the price.

I told you all my lies and my secrets,
But who you are is something I still have to discover,
You're far away so what do you look like?
What does your voice sound like,
And do you intend good?

Does your mind stay cautious,
Or do you mind that we're so open,
Where does the boundary start and the line end?

I can't see you,
Only read you like a book,
A book with jumbled words that lack comprehension,
Or perhaps it's me that can't comprehend?
What do I have to do to control my world,
Without offending your disciples.  

Does your mind stay cautious,
Or do you mind that we're so open,
Where does the boundary start and the line end?

I made my stand,
Against my soul,
Who was looking down at the sea,
From head to toes, it believes it's unworthy,
A body of shame and mismatch.

I made my stand,
Against my soul,
Who looked up at me with a somber smile,
I knew it's plans to leap off the ledge,
But I hold it's hand and carry it back into the forest.

I made my stand,
Against my soul,
Who seemed to ponder why I was doing this,
I had to see if it could be who it needed itself to be,
Who's body was no who it needed to be.

I made my stand,
Against my soul,
Who saw what I was doing and cried of joy,
My hands once black, turned to green.
Who I needed to be was in front of me.

I made my stand,
Against my soul,
Who smiled and held my hand,
As we walked above the sea to the island.

The smoke infiltrates my lungs,
Stealing all of the air I had,
Using me as means to breathe,
Mother nature's thief who's holding a grudge.

Those who hate me,
All reside in this town,
I see their flags everywhere,
And I see every way I could die.

I'll write a formal letter,
To the smoke and hope to the Gods,
That it'll carry me far, far, far away.

Through alleyways and empty malls,
I'm not lost, you're all just losing your minds,
I'm strangled by denial and a yearning to be free,
That's all I would wish for if I saw a shooting star,
Except all this smoke screens me from the stars,
And the meteors that fly through.

I'll write a formal letter,
To the smoke and hope to the Gods,
That it'll carry me far, far, far away.

This city,
Is a prison,
Alcatraz island,
As a town,
For all the richest,
The *******, and the bigots,
To move in,
And tear down,
What we just began to build.

Get into your seat, writer,
Find your home inside the ink,
Construct the walls out of paper,
Your desk out of pencils,
And your pipes out of hollowed pens.

I know you fell for the feeling,
But it's easy to get lost in it all,
If you walked away now,
I know you'd go insane.

Upon your mirrors there's words,
Reflections that spell your introspection,
Flip it around cause it's too much noise,
Cause, writer, the sound is burdening you.

I know you fell for the feeling,
But it's easy to get lost with it all,
Crashing down on your thin walls,
I know you're going insane.

The ramifications tear my guts apart,

All our guts apart,

This is our guts being pulled apart,

for the children,

The ramifications for the trans,

for the enby,

The ramifications for the women,

for anyone.

How many will die in just a week?

An abandoned sunset on the horizon,
Keep persevering towards a limitless sun,
Dark prairie field, a fraction of a second before sunrise,
Before we know it, the calm passes so there’s a demise.

What’s better than the morning air?

The drag of a dead tree and its saturn rings,
Honey, you know I don’t play with these things,
Nothing in the universe or beyond is ever fair,
Then it’s decided, I shouldn’t pretend to care.

A pine cabin sitting pretty in the prime of its life,
Will eventually sit heavy at the end of its strife,
Bitter and old from what it thought it deserved,
Historic yet crumbling, nobody wanted it preserved.

An abandoned sunset on the horizon,
Keep persevering towards a limitless sun,
Dark prairie field, a fraction of a second before sunrise,
Before we know it, the calm passes so there’s a demise.

A sinkhole opens to swallow it all up,
A cabin to the depths,
A sunset to the abyss,
A joint to the deaths,
I know we swear something’s amiss.
Who’s to blame except the wash-up.

I woke up early today,
Altered my face to make believe,
That I'm totally okay.

The day flies by,
I'm doing fine,
Until night arrives,
My fears are discovered.

So I fall through the bed,
Melting into doubt and love,
Pretending I'm anywhere but here.

Fields of apathy,
In which I'm living in.
A grass of faded red,
My soles walk onto.

Everything feels so fake,
My eyes get bored of this.
Reaching for the counterfeit,
Sitting across the table from me.

Threatening my seclusion,
he doesn't move his mouth.
His eyes are painted red,
A symbol of my reimagination.

It rushes onto,
Onto the carved door.
On the floor.
In front of the animals,
That ravaged my,
own wrists.

**** it,
Rock it back and forth,
Maybe I'll get out of this earth.
**** it,
Rock myself back and forth,
on the floor again.

I can't see myself in the mirror,
I'm drowning in conclusions.
I have made, for myself,
An unconscious lie.

I know you don’t know,
Just how many times,
I have asked to die,
Well, I’m not special for it,
I know, I recite it for my ego.

Crippling self-awareness turns,
Folds over, crushes my free will,
What I want could get me killed.

Should I be pulled apart by machinery?
Painful until the untimely fade of the mind?
Or should I find my deathbed at the end,
Lay down and hold a couple hands as I cry.
How pathetic I could be?
How tragic could I be?

Crippling fear of the end turns,
Folds over, crushes my free will,
What I want could get me…****.

I’M GONNA ******* DIE ?

ONE DAY             OH ****             ONE DAY

ONE DAY.

I’LL KEEL OVER AND DIE,
STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS,
TIME TRAVEL, DESTROY TIMELINES.

ONE DAY             OH ****             ONE DAY

ONE DAY.

I’LL MEET A TENDER,
MAYBE WRATHFUL DEITY.

WORSE YET,
BE CURSED INTO NOTHINGNESS.

Crippling fear of every step I take,
Like a child learning how to walk,
I’ll fold over, crush my own free will,
What I want will get me killed.

I built this all for you,
A glass house on a hillside,
Observe as the world passes on all sides of you,
Yet you break the walls from the inside,
Letting the glass fall around and cut into your hands,
As you grind it back into bloodied sands.

"The world as you perceive,
Aims only to deceive,
Don't bother trying to find reprieve,
Find your home with me and don't ever leave."

You shook me by my shoulders,
Shouting, pleading that I understand,
The more you begged your hands grew colder,
No matter how harshly you reprimand,
I won't come down,
I won't ever drown,
Not with the likes of a destructive hound.

"The world as you perceive,
Aims not to deceive,
But to try and find something to believe,
Burn down your home and leave me be.

.          .          .          .          .

The world as I perceive,
Breaks me down to my knees,
I'll try to find something to believe,
But burn down the home and grieve."

leading me astray,
from the path that I had made,
Sinking further with every breath,
I can feel my death.

I write these words with nowhere to go,
Writing for not just the show,
but the hope to get out alive,
the hope that maybe I can thrive.

I am more,
More than anything,
More than a being,
What am I seeing,
What am I needing?

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

I'm feeling greedy,
So utterly needy,
Baby let's sign this treaty,
Colonize me completely,
Heart on the floor with diabetes.

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

Once a day I'll please you,
If I'm no good, stage a coup,
I'll be the king you overthrew,
And I will grovel at your shoes,
Eye to eye with the real you.

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

Pockmarked arms,
Sound off alarms,
Stargazing farms,
Dependent on charms.

Unrealized power,
Atomic shower,
The flavor's sour,
Everybody had better cower!

I dont give a ****,
By stupid, you've been struck,
As you run amok,
Running over kids with your truck.

Unrealized power,
Atomic shower,
The flavor's sour,
Everybody duck and cower!

Planted marigold at the doorstep,
There's blood left in your stead,
It's all you've ever been fed,
I think you're out of your depth.

Hats off,
Heads down,
Gather round,
Pray for the sound,
Pray for the sound,
Pray we'll all be found.

Now, sir, where have you taken my heart?
It's not at the dump cause I'm feeling great,
And it's not in limbo cause I've got closure,
So what have you done?

I think there's something special in the works,
Brewing and stewing in my vocal chords,
I could call it an, 'I love you' but it's too soon,
The center is still much too cold,
I hope you won't mind the wait.

There's a touch I'd like from you,
It's more than just the touch of lust,
The hand that's gentle and warm,
Like a cup of fresh cocoa.

I know there's something special in the works,
A buttery sweet sort of brew to sip upon,
I might begin to call it an 'I love you' but in due time,
The ingredients haven't all been added,
I hope you won't mind the wait.

Even as I dance with you,
A cheesy ballad or two,
Maybe a cuddle to boot,
now, sir, there's nowhere else I'd be.

I think there's something special in the works,
Brewing and stewing in my vocal chords,
I could call it an, 'I love you' but it's too soon,
The center is still much too cold,
I hope you won't mind the wait.