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 Aug 2019 SallyGoesRoar
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They say we die a thousand times before our hearts stop beating
I agree

One is the sigh of a person giving up on you
Another is the grasp of a loved one fading away
When you walk away and no one calls your name
You die again when you hear the goodbye of a person
you thought would stay
You die the minute you realized you wasted your life
on someone or something that isn't even going to happen
When someone you thought cares forgets your birthday,
You die a little bit but live on anyway
You die when someone you knew so well becomes a stranger
& when someone you love doesn't even bother to know you
You die when you feel you're never good enough
You die again when there's no hope
after all that's said and all that's done
You die every time someone leaves
and when someone dies, you die with them

You die a thousand times before your heart stops
And even after that, when one by one people start to forget you,
**you die again
 Aug 2019 SallyGoesRoar
Jessica H
I held her cold, dead hand
I kissed her lifeless face
Memorizing every moment
Knowing that I would never feel the comfort of a mother's love again.
Her selflessness was her demise
She neglected and gave all of herself
She smiled so big
She spoke soothing words
She needlessly apologized
All in her last hours
There is art
In your heart
Painting pictures
When I lay
My head down on your chest

There are songs in your eyes
Singing lullabies
When you hover
Pin me down
With your stare

There is a poem
On the tip
Of your tongue
I taste it
When I kiss you

You are tortured
Stereotyped
My jaded lover
I hear it
When you won't talk
His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.
 Aug 2019 SallyGoesRoar
Empire
Its fingers closing around my throat
Afraid to swallow, to breathe
In case I won’t be able to...
Can’t get it out of my mind...
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The monsters are crawling back in
They’re trying to take control
I STILL HAVE CONTROL

What is control.... control.... lol
Control has only ever brought me
MADNESS

I can’t let them see
THEY CAN’T KNOW

I can’t tell the doctor...
I DON’T WANT MORE MEDS

I’m slipping

It’s coming back.

****.
Yes, please dangle my triggers in front of my face. Please threaten me with them. It’s really funny.
Stay with me
But be silent.
I have lost faith
In listening
And soon speaking.

But then,
After all those sufferings
I am, by nature,
A social animal
And still afraid of
Dying alone.
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