Lydeen

Lydeen Oct 2018

I sit in a field,
Under the moonlight,
A shooting star,
Shining bright.

I fall back,
Watch the clouds,
A peaceful chill,
A silence so loud.

I count the stars,
Find Ursa Major,
Laying in dew,
I make my final wager.

A deal with God,
My final plea,
When I die today,
Send my love to me.

I looked at the stars,
Closed my eyes and sighed,
I remembered my life,
My lack of pride.

Moving and swirling,
The beauty above me,
I loved the stars,
Beautiful and free.

I plucked a flower,
Placing it behind my ear,
Whispered a prayer,
Hoped God would hear.

Looking to the heavens,
I slit my wrists,
Moving with color,
The galaxy twists.

This poem disappointed me when I finished.

#suicide #galaxy #god #stars

Lydeen Oct 2018

1884

1884.

A simple number.
Four digits,
Four numbers,
Containing
1 thousand
8 hundreds
8 tens and
4 ones.

1884 calories.

A simple number.
Four digits,
Four numbers,
Containing
1 thousand
8 hundreds
8 tens and
4 ones.

7882656 joules.
Enough energy to heat 1884 grams of water by one degree Celsius per gram.
Wasted on me.

Which means to me
A day of careless eating.
Fat packing itself onto my skinny body.

A finger and some splashing.

I fixed my issue.

Oof this is literally the only place I talk about my friends Ana and Mia lol. I need to get help. I'm 108 lbs currently, but it's quickly dropping. I keep it under control, though.

#anorexia #bulimia #binge #purge #ednos

Lydeen Oct 2018

Little Yellow Daffoldils

Little yellow daffodils,
Swaying in the wind.
Pretty yellow daffodils,
By the roots they're pinned.

Little Singing mourning doves,
Sweetly fluttering in.
I plucked up a daffodil,
Whispering of sin.

I love my little daffodil,
To it's unhappy disdain.
The life of my daffodil is short,
Barely any more remains.

It's my fault, my pretty daffodil,
That you will die young.
But remember my soft lullaby,
I always gently sung.

You are love, my little daffodil,
A pleasure mixed with lust.
My peachy little metaphor,
Dying so quickly it's unjust.

I honestly don't even know anymore. I'm sitting at home with a migraine, so I wrote a poem. No inspiration, no real meaning to me, but I still wrote it.

#love #idk #flowers #metaphors

Lydeen Oct 2018

Tap Tap Tapping

A finger in a jar,
Spooning out peanut butter,
In a cold empty house.
A pack of crisps.
A crunchy bar.
A sandwich.
Some fizzy.

Slowly,
Pushing the handle,
Tap,
Tap,
Tapping,
Gush.

I push it all back out.

#bulemia #binge #purge #ednos

Lydeen Sep 2018

The Falling Man

Patiently.

Waiting for your death.

Desperately.

Jumping as if you have wings.

Flying on the back of an angel.

Gracefully.

As if you're merely swimming.

Bravely.

Through a shattered window of reality.

At Peace.

But why are you still unknown?

Yeah so I wrote this a few months ago, but there's a picture of a man who lept to his death from the tower to escape the flames. Look up the falling man. The picture is absolutely chilling. He is speculated to be Johnathan Briley, but his remains were never definitively found. They were buried in the wreckage, and burned.

#911 #never #forget #terrorism

Lydeen Aug 2018

The Blood Rose

(A rose)

The colour crimson.

(A rose)

The beautiful pain.

(A rose)

Thorns hiding in wait.

(A rose)

Beauty that won't last.

(A rose)

Reminding of the hurt.

(A rose)

Thinking of the patterns.

(A rose)

Carved into your wrists.

(A rose)

Soaked in blood by your beautiful hand.

(A rose)

The last beautiful thing you see.

(A rose)

Stained crimson in your death.

#suicide #self #harm #death

Lydeen Jun 2018

Pointy Things Are Fun

Pointy thing are fun,
Especially while you're having none.

Calling with promise of peace,
Leaving you with a feeling of release.

No matter your despair,
These are marks all can wear.

We all come for different things,
When we leave the heart always sings.

Some choose death,
Others need pain whilst holding their breath.

Pointy things are fun,
A quick slide and you're all done.

I can barely be active during the summer, so this is probably all you four that follow me will get for awhile.

#suicide #selfharm