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 Nov 2020 Lydeen
Evie G
Oh
to be the girl in those adverts ,
Light,
skinny,
beautiful
A tragic line
to every gentle rib
I fetishise her fragile fingers
A monstrous beast reflected in the mirror, the worst possibility.

Tis poetic, there she stares
Says her lines; remaining fair,
Into my face, My acting is heavy handed and awkward
She’s a consumable reality,
She’s easy on the eyes
The fragile female,
salvageable.

We are a tragedy of ages, her Juliet, I Faustus
They silently boo while I slop onto the stage
A lazy slob,The **** of society, just don’t eat you fat ****. men like curvy girls We don’t want to see you, You’re so brave!  You’re the problem, it’s not hard hide your mass from view, unkempt, repulsive, vile. hide yourself it offends my sharp eyes.
I open my drooling mouth to speak, but there are chins smothering my mouth
My eyes clouded by greasy cellulite
I don’t want to exist like this.

So just stop eating.


I’d give an arm and a leg,
my pale teeth,
my parasitic possibility
my child
Hey, bit of a violent change from my last post but I wrote it a while ago. If you have any better title ideas or notes PLEASE COMMENT :)
 Nov 2020 Lydeen
Voahirana
My closest friend,
You convinced me you were the only one good enough.
I thought I was in control,
but it was really you all along.

You coached me through my 200 calorie days,
Only celery and diet coke you’d say.
And oh the praise that came with it.
“You look great tell me your secret!” they’d say.
My secret you ask?
Behind that bright smile,
was months of starving.
The bathroom had become my resting place.

I was never enough for you,
was I?
The protruding ribs,
the heart failure,
the unreadable blood pressure,
the bulged spine.
It was never going to be enough.

So when I hear “I wish I could get it too,”
I think of the constant struggle,
It never stops.
Calories are now ingrained in my brain,
as easy as my ABCs.

Goodbye Ana,
all I ever wanted was to be loved.
 Nov 2020 Lydeen
Aspen
Ruined
 Nov 2020 Lydeen
Aspen
I told them
About the hungry and the barren
being I had become
about the not eating
the crying
the ice coffees
the empty calories I had become

The silence in the room was
Screeching
at me
I didn't know what they would respond with
But worse than anything I considered was
The silence
the calm
they responded with
The noise of my sobs
Too loud in this small sunny, peaceful room
I've now ruined
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Gossamer
PCOS
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Gossamer
Four letters won’t define.
Four letters won’t defeat.
Even though they’re forever mine,
Even though they’re not discrete.

Four letters won’t defeat;
No longer are they chains.
Even though they’re not discrete,
I won’t let myself live this way.

No longer are they chains;
They cannot pull me down.
I won’t let myself live this way;
Refusing to sink, refusing to drown.

They cannot pull me down;
These letters, sips of ruined wine.
Refusing to sink, refusing to drown:
Four letters won’t define.
this is about the disease I was diagnosed with at the beginning this year, and my decision to overcome it rather than let it take over my life and define who i am.
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
She Writes
PCOS
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
She Writes
It’s invisible
But I see it every day
They say there’s no cure
It is here to stay

The symptoms are manageable
You’ll be just Fine
Just exercise more
And be careful when you dine

There’s nothing left to prescribe
The doctors are at a loss
Taking over my body
PCOS has become the boss

Managing symptoms has become my struggle
I don’t know how much more I can juggle

With
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Stephanie Lynn
maybe you'll have kids
but you'll suffer a great deal
hmm, maybe you won't
(C) Maxwell 2015
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Jamiieekiinns
I walk the halls and you all laugh,
You call me fat and laugh behind my back.
But deep inside, I know the reason,
Why I am not like the others.

To the naked eye I am obese,
A fat girl who you can not bare to see.
But deep inside my blood there holds a demon,
One who controls the way you see me.

Doctors call it PCOS ,
A illness I will carry til my death.
So when you look at me,
Don't see the fat ,
Or the girl who you can not bare to see.

See the girl who fought to live,
Who spent that year,
Underneath the hospital sheets,
Just so you could bare to look at me.
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Alaska
My face consumed with  
                acne due to PCOS.
My chubby belly, even though
                I'm trying my best to lose.
My dry hands, that no matter
                how much lotion I put on
                                               won't stay soft.
My frizzy hair that I try
                   my best to tame.
My calves, that are too big to
                     fit into "normal" calf sized
                                                           ­  boots.
My heart that gets hurt time and time
                      again but puts itself back together
                                                        ­                 each time.
My mind that cares too much for the
                       ones who wouldn't do the same for me.
                              
                              ­ I'm trying to love  myself.
 Oct 2020 Lydeen
Sarah Maher
I didn’t know I was pregnant. But the baby didn’t stay. Because of my PCOS, my body couldn’t “home” the baby. The doctor says, “Chances of you having children is less than likely than most women.”
2 years later, out of pure luck and not even trying, I conceived. Scared to death every time there was even a small delay of movement. Thoughts, “Oh no, the baby isn’t moving.” “Oh no, I don’t want to lose this baby too.” Nine months go by, I give birth to a beautiful healthy little baby boy.
That baby boy is 6 years old now and his daddy and I want another. It’s been nearly two years of trying. 6 months with medication. Pills after pills, increasing their dosage each month. Adding in another pill which makes me super sick. I ask myself, “Is another baby really worth all of this sickness? All of this exhaustion?” I want to say yes, but I’m struggling. I’m struggling so hard. Because that’s just it. I am so sick, I am so exhausted, but I am so wanting this. I WANT THIS BAD. I just can’t take the heart break month after month.
Seeing pregnancy announcements—one after another makes me envy these women. Some of them even make me angry. I think to myself, “You shouldn’t even be having kids! Why are you able to get pregnant and I’m not?!” HOW IS THIS FREAKING FAIR?!
 Feb 2020 Lydeen
Iggy Chuck
I said goodbye 
but keep looking for your soul
in other bodies.

I said “never again”
and here I am
still writing about you.
unsent love letter to a reckless lover
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