Closure is a fickle thing.
After four years of your abusive, toxic friendship,
and two years of your emotional manipulation,
I made the leap.
There will be no more midnight conversations,
No more thinly veiled flirting,
No more codependency.
It's done.
You both can't make me insecure,
Feel bad for having emotions,
or even tell me off for caring too deeply.
It's the end.
It's been a long way to get here, but I delivered on my new years resolution and finally removed the toxicity from my life and decided that avoiding loneliness wasn't worth my own self degradation and giving up my own emotional stability to be stable for you. I know now that I don't owe you anything.
To Nick: I won't ever forget what you said to me. We could maybe be friends again, but I will never forget that you directly implied that my dad's abuse was my fault and that I "should know I'm not that type of person" when I actually reached out, even after you constantly berating me for feeling that I couldn't come to you about things. It is exclusively your own fault that I never felt safe to talk to you, because you only ever responded with anger when I mentioned my problems or faults in our friendship. I don't understand why you offered to help me only to throw it back in my face. But it isn't something that I am willing to gloss over. Not again. I've been too forgiving for too long.
To Ava: I don't know why you felt the need to pretend to care for so long. Our friendship ended with middle school. I just never took the time to realize that you have been taking advantage of my friendship to serve your own purposes. You promised not to let Nick get between us. Either way, even in the beginning, you always had someone you wanted to put before me. You were my best friend. I was never, ever yours. My favorite memory is from when we briefly dated and you turned down my plans because "you were busy," then made plans with someone else five minutes later. You should've just told me you didn't care enough to spend time with me. I don't know why you pretended for so long. I know that in the beginning things were alright, but every little thing would get between us, and your own selfishness got majorly between us. You complain about a friend never reaching out to you, but how many years has it been since you reached out to me? How many times did you promise to try harder for me, because your neglect of our friendship made me feel worthless, only to abandon me after speaking to me once?
In the end, you deserve each other. Nick had an emotional affair on you, Ava, but you also make his life a living hell by expecting the world and never giving anything back to him. I don't feel like a victim of manipulation or any nonsense, but I do feel like a fool for believing time and time again that I could rely on either of you to have my back. Even in the three days since I completely removed you from life, I feel so much better. I don't have to be guilty for having emotions anymore. I don't have to be guilty for "being ungrateful" for the steaming pile of **** that you both gave to me.