It seems to me
the more things change
the more they stay the same.
I wonder how the rules evolve
but we keep at the same game
and though tired at competing
we're addicted to the bother
for when we lose we need to prove
and when we win we need another
and though we're all exhausted
we are spurred on by the lies
and i feel i've lived a million lives
and tried a million tries.

I crave the feeling I once had.
The seductive, yet subtle feeling that you would never be mine.
The rush of hormones that filled my body and brain
every time I felt you pull away.

It was never you I truly wanted.
It was the feeling of not having you that I craved.
The feeling of never being able to stare you in the eye,
for you to tell me that I am yours and
you are mine.

The dopamine has dissipated.
The feelings have vanished.
And for now I wait.
Until another comes along,
to make me crave their lack of love.

Her beauty-
stunning like a shooting star soaring across an abandoned night sky.

Her personality-
vibrant as an early morning sunrise.

Her hair-
beautiful as a Christmas snow.

Her smile-
warming like a summer night bonfire

Her lips-
gentle as a baby butterfly

Her skin-
smooth like Mulberry silk

Her thoughts-
endless like a rainbow

Her heart-
mountainous like the Appalachian Trail

Her love-
addicting like a drug

And her laugh-
precious and breathtaking like the 7 wonders of the world

I love you
only in ways
I am allowed to.

I admire you
only from afar,
where I cannot touch you.

I dream of you
only in the deepest of nights,
an unconscious rendezvous.

I wish for you
only in silence,
not one desire, untrue.

I love you
only in the dark,
‘cause under the sunlight,
I’d be reminded of your
watermark—

you are not mine,
though I am yours.

I love you
alone
it is the only love
I’ve ever known.

The color purple.
A football field.
A hand of a giant in mine.
The smell of stale beer.
Cigarette smoke.

that was the first time
so young and so blind
yet the memory is refined
behind closed eyes
the beginning of the recording
when I hit rewind

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