I dreamt up a world,
Full of bright lights and warm nights.
Beacons amongst blue oceans and green fields.
I dream of you, stranger.
I dream of the day you will hold me in painted hands and smear your love down my body.
I would be so young- so impossible- but still waiting for you by the beach.
If I pour my future away waiting to be whisked into my fairy tale,
You would never even know.
I have only seen you through glass, through bright blinking lights and colourful screams.
You say you always fall in love, I need it to be me next time.

This dream carries on, and I fall into my routine of boredom and heavy eyes before I see you.
The blinding purple, the glowing blue under desert skies, the neon pink that lights up my heart.
Yet I am just a schoolgirl, staring at cloudy skies in the early morning, imagining my impossible world where all I want comes to be.
The pain carries on, and you with it.

How may I know you?
In fleeting glances,
When you catch my eye from across a dark room.
Blue lanterns in the darkness, making contact with my own greying eyes.
You don’t know my sadness or my tears, or even my gentle rage.
I know your sighs and exhaustion like your pretty little laugh.
I crave your touch and your smiles for me, and me alone.
I go after your friends and you stay oblivious, living in the bubble I want to burst.
See me, please.
Just once.

The semi-colon represents a break; The semi-colon represents her life.
The full stop represents the end.

Oh...
It is so complicated around you.
Never mind why, but I just want to feel your fingertips gracing my legs.
My cold daydreams of you take me from my work,
As your image weaves through my neurones, falsifying our memories.
I can see your tanned fingers gripping a counter- a counter I’ve never seen before- a hand I choose to focus on little.
You played with me from across a room, watching me through red lights.
When you make a split instant of eye contact, I feel everything within me GLOW.
My god, you make me shut up.
I lose all ability to speak when I see your face.
I’ve been so in love with you for so long.
It’s infuriating, how I don’t even know how to talk to you.
PLEASE,
Text me, snap me, hear my silence.
Say one word to me before we go our own ways.

A look over your shoulder,
After a promise so strong.
When you kissed me from below,
And smiled, while walking into the rain.
I see it all crash down.
A blaze so much more hidden than before.
Why weren’t you happy with simply me?
If you’d just gotten over your need to please yourself.
I was always there.
I was always waiting.
You had me before you had her and yet she gets to outstay my welcome.
I can cry into your shoulder,
And stain your whites into black.
You can hold my face and say you still love me,
You still want me,
You still will be there for me.
You give me a hope I will lean on,
And wait for the day when you are alone.
It is cruel, when you can’t promise.
It’s eating me from the inside out.
You didn’t do the right thing before,
Why do you have to start now?

Seeing you now, after two long years, feels like staring into the eyes of a ghost.
I wonder why you walk alone, you mustn’t wonder the same of me.
We grew up, grew apart, I grew out of all we shared.
I grew into your ex boyfriends and best friends, I still bring you up sometimes.
Do you know I am the only one left?
Of our little group, popular only with each other, I am all that stuck around.
Walking past you on the street, the ghosts of our memories haunt my brain.
The happiness seeps through my cracks, and I feel young at heart again.

But you never catch my eye.